Last December I wrote that I got a Blu-Ray player for Christmas. Well, you may have noticed that I haven't reviewed any blu-ray releases on here, and there's a simple reason for that:
Blu-Ray sucks.
Oh, not in picture quality. The picture quality is awesome. So is the data capacity. No, the problem is summed up in one acronym: DRM. Digital Rights Management. Look, there's DRM on DVDs. Back when they first came out I railed about them because a) I thought it was all a plot by the entertainment companies to take our money by forcing us to upgrade our already existing VHS and LD collections (I was right, but at least DVDs have one million times the picture quality of VHS and are 50 times cheaper than Laserdiscs) and b)they had region encoding, which prevents people in one part of the world from buying discs from other parts of the world. I was right on that one too - the companies did it to prevent reverse importing from cheaper countries but in the process it means that a large number of foreign movies will never be legally released in the US. In fact it still pisses me off, but at least you *can* get a region-free DVD player if you look hard enough.
Blu-Ray is a hundred times worse. First, I can't even get screengrabs from the discs to put on this site, so that nixed any chance of me reviewing the original Star Trek series on here. Second, the player software NEEDS updates, or it won't even function at all. Not even to play a DVD. And I can't play BD's with Media Player Classic or any other free software. You have to buy one of two officially sanctioned players if you want to watch Blu-Ray discs on your PC, and you NEED to have an internet connection in order to update them, no matter if you don't have internet (still a possibility these days in some remote areas or if you can't afford it) or have spotty internet (which is more of a possibility).
In the end it's the increasing corporate control over everything. They NEED to control everything you see and hear - you are now in the Outer Limits. Personally I do not like being dictated to by the corporations how to entertain myself. I can watch my DVDs, even with their level of DRM - at least I can grab screenshots if I want or use a free player to play them. And you know, it's really sad because I *wanted* to like Blu-Ray, I had wanted a BR player for a long time... as I said the picture quality was tremendous. I enjoyed watching Star Trek on it but I can't use it anymore. I'm actually going to have to "downgrade" my Star Trek collection to DVD. Fortunately that is the only thing I got, so I didn't invest too much in this ultra-corporate-controlled format.
See, thinking positive!
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Spoiled Beefcake
I figured after watching Hercules In The Center Of The Earth that I would want some more Greek mythology action, so on a whim I picked up a cheap $2.95 copy of the 2000 miniseries Jason and the Argonauts at a thrift store - a title I had never seen before. Well, I'm glad I only paid 2.95 for it, I couldn't imagine paying full-boat MSRP back in the day, because this thing sucks.
I'm not going to spend much time on this. First, the good (there is actually some): Frank Langella and Derek Jacobi are decent. The guy doing Hercules is almost okay. I like the fact that Atalanta is in it (she is in some versions of the original myth). I like that a *few* things are closer to the original myths compared to the 1963 Harryhausen movie. Speaking of which, I like the fact that this version actually has an ending; the '63 version kinda leaves you hanging.
Now to the bad. The acting, with the previous exceptions, is atrociously awful. Keep in mind that the '63 version does not have the world's greatest thespianism, but the 2000 miniseries makes that one look like Shakespeare in comparison. Jason is wimpy. Medea is just creepy. Pelias (played by Dennis Hopper) is absolutely execrable. The minor roles are mediocre at best. The direction is cheesy. The music is lazy and just plays the same stupid theme over and over again (definitely nowhere near Bernard Hermann's Jason score). The story itself is drawn-out, and while a few things are true to the myths, other things just seemed to be pulled out of the writers' asses. The part about Hercules being a servant of Hera is the worst offender - in the original myths, she is his mortal enemy continually plaguing him with woe and misfortune. Look, I know that some shows or movies take a lot of liberties with the source material, but at least I know that Hercules: The Legendary Journeys or Disney's Hercules are total bullshit because they toss almost everything established out from the word go and don't even pretend to be accurate. They can actually be entertaining as a result. The problem with Jason 2000 is that it wants to have it both ways and thus can't decide what it wants to be. You can argue that the '63 classic isn't all that accurate either but a) it's still more accurate than the '00 version and b) it has a sense of wonder... and the MOST AWESOME SKELETON FIGHT EVER COMMITTED TO CELLULOID. The bottom line is that this version is not really worth seeing, just see the 1963 classic; it has its flaws but it is miles better. You know the drill about pictures.
I'm not going to spend much time on this. First, the good (there is actually some): Frank Langella and Derek Jacobi are decent. The guy doing Hercules is almost okay. I like the fact that Atalanta is in it (she is in some versions of the original myth). I like that a *few* things are closer to the original myths compared to the 1963 Harryhausen movie. Speaking of which, I like the fact that this version actually has an ending; the '63 version kinda leaves you hanging.
Now to the bad. The acting, with the previous exceptions, is atrociously awful. Keep in mind that the '63 version does not have the world's greatest thespianism, but the 2000 miniseries makes that one look like Shakespeare in comparison. Jason is wimpy. Medea is just creepy. Pelias (played by Dennis Hopper) is absolutely execrable. The minor roles are mediocre at best. The direction is cheesy. The music is lazy and just plays the same stupid theme over and over again (definitely nowhere near Bernard Hermann's Jason score). The story itself is drawn-out, and while a few things are true to the myths, other things just seemed to be pulled out of the writers' asses. The part about Hercules being a servant of Hera is the worst offender - in the original myths, she is his mortal enemy continually plaguing him with woe and misfortune. Look, I know that some shows or movies take a lot of liberties with the source material, but at least I know that Hercules: The Legendary Journeys or Disney's Hercules are total bullshit because they toss almost everything established out from the word go and don't even pretend to be accurate. They can actually be entertaining as a result. The problem with Jason 2000 is that it wants to have it both ways and thus can't decide what it wants to be. You can argue that the '63 classic isn't all that accurate either but a) it's still more accurate than the '00 version and b) it has a sense of wonder... and the MOST AWESOME SKELETON FIGHT EVER COMMITTED TO CELLULOID. The bottom line is that this version is not really worth seeing, just see the 1963 classic; it has its flaws but it is miles better. You know the drill about pictures.
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Love Stinks
Well, I said I'd give you beefcake, So I'm givin' you beefcake. This one's for the laaaaadies (and some of you guys). To conclude my reverse-chronology Mario Bava trio you get some *beefcake*
It's funny, Mario Bava is usually associated solely with straight-up horror films and some would be surprised to see him directing a sword-and-sandals movie but Bava is actually perfect as the director for this for a few reasons: 1)he's just that awesome and he actually could do different genres, see Danger: Diabolik and Erik The Conqueror, 2)he had directed segments of and did the cinematography for the 1955 Kirk Douglas movie Ulysses and most importantly 3) he had done the cinematography for the two Steve Reeves Hercules movies. So I guess he basically just graduated to director for this Hercules effort.
And what an effort it is! This one blends the traditional Hercules swords-and-sandals stuff with horror and surrealism to make a great film, my personal favorite of all of Bava's movies. The story is simple but not stupid - Hercules and Theseus along with their friend/comic relief Telemachus (?) go to Hades to retrieve a flower that can cure a curse put on Hercules' girlfriend Deianira by the eeeeevil King Lico.
While there Theseus foolishly falls for and absconds with Hades' daughter Meiazotide (who interestingly enough in the English language version is called Persephone, who was Hades' wife, not daughter), thus causing a Curse Upon The Land once the adventurers reach the land of the living. Can Hercules persuade his hormonal buddy to give up his girl for the sake of the kingdom? Can he defeat the evil and necrotic Lico and put an end to his reign of terror? Will he throw yet another giant rock? Watch and find out!
This movie is gorgeous - Bava's mastery of color is on full display, which is notable seeing as how this is the first color film he directed. Yeah the sets look like sets but they ain't half bad. The rock monster threatening Theseus and Telemachus is goofy looking and obviously fake but still has some menace.
The surreal imagery is what really makes this movie - this is unlike any Hercules film before or since, with an atmosphere that sometimes borders on an art film.
The acting is okay. Reg Park as Hercules doesn't have the raw charisma of Steve Reeves, but does well enough. He does sometimes come off as more friendly and lunkheaded than intense and conflicted (as Reeves usually was) but this is not completely out of character.
Christopher Lee of course does an excellent job playing the villain, which is an accomplishment considering that you never hear his voice - in both the Italian *and* English dubs he is voiced by someone else (so is Park, actually). It is a testament to the recently departed Mr. Lee that he can still give a convincing portrayal even when voiced by another, using his face and body.
Speaking of convincing portrayals, this movie is one of the power of love, for both good and evil. Hercules' love of his longtime sweetie Deianira inspires him to go all the way to the underworld and perform great deeds, while Theseus rashly endangers everyone by refusing to give up a girl he met and became infatuated with about twenty minutes ago. Theseus is quick and passionate with his emotions, while Hercules is a little more stoic and oh shit I'm starting to go into Star Trek crap so I'm gonna stop now.
Suffice to say the main theme of the movie is this: love is an awesome thing as long as it's gradual and genuine, not some instant infatuation. Also, for the love of the gods, if there is a plague on the land and the only way to stop is to give up the pussy, just give up the pussy.
But this isn't just film student fodder - it's also the most fun Bava movie I have seen outside of the aforementioned Danger: Diabolik. Cheesy rock monsters, hellish polenta pits and a demigod squashing zombies with Stonehenge rocks makes for an awesome experience, folks. Actually if you want to have an interesting time, try this little drinking game: every time Herc throws a rock at something or someone, take a drink (make it two drinks for a non-lithic object). By the end of the movie you will be drunk off your ass, 'cause there is a lot of rock chuckin' to be had in Hercules In The Center Of The Earth.
Maybe that's the real theme of this movie: whenever life serves you lemons, chuck a giant rock at it.
'Til next time!
1961
Director: Mario Bava
It's funny, Mario Bava is usually associated solely with straight-up horror films and some would be surprised to see him directing a sword-and-sandals movie but Bava is actually perfect as the director for this for a few reasons: 1)he's just that awesome and he actually could do different genres, see Danger: Diabolik and Erik The Conqueror, 2)he had directed segments of and did the cinematography for the 1955 Kirk Douglas movie Ulysses and most importantly 3) he had done the cinematography for the two Steve Reeves Hercules movies. So I guess he basically just graduated to director for this Hercules effort.
And what an effort it is! This one blends the traditional Hercules swords-and-sandals stuff with horror and surrealism to make a great film, my personal favorite of all of Bava's movies. The story is simple but not stupid - Hercules and Theseus along with their friend/comic relief Telemachus (?) go to Hades to retrieve a flower that can cure a curse put on Hercules' girlfriend Deianira by the eeeeevil King Lico.
 |
| Well, less cursed and more stoned. |
While there Theseus foolishly falls for and absconds with Hades' daughter Meiazotide (who interestingly enough in the English language version is called Persephone, who was Hades' wife, not daughter), thus causing a Curse Upon The Land once the adventurers reach the land of the living. Can Hercules persuade his hormonal buddy to give up his girl for the sake of the kingdom? Can he defeat the evil and necrotic Lico and put an end to his reign of terror? Will he throw yet another giant rock? Watch and find out!
 |
| "Don't worry, Herc! I'm sure that Deianira totally WON'T get jealous and put centaur blood on your clothes, causing you to die a miserable, agonizing death!" "Wait, what?" |
This movie is gorgeous - Bava's mastery of color is on full display, which is notable seeing as how this is the first color film he directed. Yeah the sets look like sets but they ain't half bad. The rock monster threatening Theseus and Telemachus is goofy looking and obviously fake but still has some menace.
The surreal imagery is what really makes this movie - this is unlike any Hercules film before or since, with an atmosphere that sometimes borders on an art film.
The acting is okay. Reg Park as Hercules doesn't have the raw charisma of Steve Reeves, but does well enough. He does sometimes come off as more friendly and lunkheaded than intense and conflicted (as Reeves usually was) but this is not completely out of character.
Christopher Lee of course does an excellent job playing the villain, which is an accomplishment considering that you never hear his voice - in both the Italian *and* English dubs he is voiced by someone else (so is Park, actually). It is a testament to the recently departed Mr. Lee that he can still give a convincing portrayal even when voiced by another, using his face and body.
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| "No, I am totally NOT an evil... oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I'm muthafuckin' Christopher Lee." |
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| A literal roll in the hay. |
Suffice to say the main theme of the movie is this: love is an awesome thing as long as it's gradual and genuine, not some instant infatuation. Also, for the love of the gods, if there is a plague on the land and the only way to stop is to give up the pussy, just give up the pussy.
 |
| Also, never trust a naked woman! (see also: The Shining) |
But this isn't just film student fodder - it's also the most fun Bava movie I have seen outside of the aforementioned Danger: Diabolik. Cheesy rock monsters, hellish polenta pits and a demigod squashing zombies with Stonehenge rocks makes for an awesome experience, folks. Actually if you want to have an interesting time, try this little drinking game: every time Herc throws a rock at something or someone, take a drink (make it two drinks for a non-lithic object). By the end of the movie you will be drunk off your ass, 'cause there is a lot of rock chuckin' to be had in Hercules In The Center Of The Earth.
Maybe that's the real theme of this movie: whenever life serves you lemons, chuck a giant rock at it.
'Til next time!
Saturday, August 1, 2015
100th Post!
July was a weird month. I went through a very strange time personally and had to examine other human beings and my relationships with them and myself. Friends I thought were close ended up not being that close and friends I thought I shared an honest relationship with ended up not being honest with me (and I fully realize that not every human relationship can be 100% honest or society would not function). Don’t get me wrong, last month was not the first time I have lost a friendship or had someone distance themself from me, but everything seemed to hit hard in July for some strange reason. Here’s hoping August is a much better month for me.
Sorry about all the personal stuff, imaginary reader. But it DOES tie in to today’s (very special 100th) post! See, I have decided after doing Planet of the Vampires to dedicate a couple more posts to famed cult director Mario Bava, for two reasons: 1) Every movie blog needs to have something on Bava and 2) Why should Herzog get all the glory? Thus I selected his possibly most famous and influential film, The Three Faces Of Fear (otherwise known by its English-language AIP version title Black Sabbath) which is all about… human relationships and deception.
What? An Italian sixties horror film actually being about something? Surely not! But yes, brutish reader, and let me explain. Three Faces Of Fear is an anthology film, and all three short films therein are united by that theme. It’s interesting that when AIP dubbed the film in English and shuffled the running order around for their release, they also (in addition to dropping the lesbian subtext) changed “The Telephone” to being a ghost story instead of a straight-up thriller, figuring that since the other two shorts had supernatural themes, “Telephone” was the odd one out without one. Well, they were wrong because the link between all of the shorts is not the supernatural but the relationships between human beings (and fear, hence the original Italian title) and dishonesty both with others and oneself. Let’s go through each short film one by one Kwaidan style and illustrate my point (without being to spoilerrific for those of you who haven’t seen the movie):
"The Telephone" – This is the one with the aforementioned lesbian subtext. A high class call girl gets home one night and starts getting threatening phone calls, supposedly from her ex-boyfriend Frank, who she helped put in jail. Turns out though that the calls are coming from her ex-girlfriend Mary, who is making the calls to try and get closer to her. But what will happen when Mary comes over to “comfort” her ex/victim? And is Frank truly out of the picture?
The deception in this one is fully evident – Rosy is a victim of Mary’s gross effort to manipulate her and both women pay the price for it. Mary’s deception of Rosy is borne out of an obsession with her (not real love) and is ruinous. This is the lesson of “The Telephone”: if you love someone don’t try to get her back by scaring her or you might find yourself being strangled with your own stockings by her ex-pimp. Oops, I guess I spoiled it… sorry sorry sorry but you should still see it anyway, I haven’t given away the complete ending.
Ooh, the family dynamics in this one are fucked up. Usually in movies espousing “family values” the basic family is held up as the core unit of society, and that the love of family members for each other is an unshakable virtue, possibly the highest belonging to the human race. Bava takes that concept and craps all over it, showing how destructive family bonds and obligations can be. The patriarch’s power over this family is so great that even after it becomes apparent that HE IS ONE OF THE BLOODSUCKING UNDEAD his family obeys him unfailingly even as they *know* that HE IS ONE OF THE BLOODSUCKING UNDEAD. Even the normally sacrosanct relationship between mother and child is shown as being something destructive. The wurdalak’s daughter-n-law is shown being completely irrational and threatening to kill herself should her newly-dead child be decapitated (to prevent him becoming a vampire) merely because it would disfigure him. Her demands are foolishly met and she later kills HER OWN HUSBAND (you just learned where you rate, dude) just to be reunited with her newly-undead kid when he shows up at the door crying. Motherhood is not always beautiful. There are more examples but I don’t want to give away everything. Lesson: sometimes rational thought takes precedence over family bonds and obligations. Also, don't deceive yourself over your undead, bloodsucking dad.
“The Drop of Water” – A nurse is called to deal with the corpse of a newly-dead psychic medium. She sees a ring that she just HAS TO HAVE and takes off the dead body and you can see where this is going, can’t you?
I’m not going to lie. This segment scared the shit out of me. I am a 33 year old man and after watching this movie I had to sleep with the lights on for the first time since I was 6. I am a rational being and I do not believe in the supernatural but HOLY CRAP THAT DEAD LADY LOOKS RIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL AND ANNHILATES IT AND OH MY GOD SHE COULD BE SITTING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW ARRRRRRRGH I WON’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP FOR WEEKS!
Ahhhhh, ah. Okay. Deep breath. It’s only the CREEPIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE IN YOUR LIFE. Okay. (Inhales) (Exhales)
This one is all about dishonesty as well as our relationship to the dead. Just because someone’s dead doesn’t mean that you aren’t in a relationship with them. The greedy nurse treats the dead (CREEPY) medium with contempt and steals from her and it ends up biting her in the ass. Lesson: Be honest and don’t steal. Also, don’t be a dick to dead people.
Well, there you go. My personal experiences of July sort of summed up in one movie. Human relations tested and strained and sometimes broken, but at least I haven’t had to deal with killers, vampires or ghosts.
Now, to kick off August and be a total dick, I end this 100th post of the Pharonic Fantasy Theatre with this image, may it be indelibly burned into your brain as it was mine:
Next Week: Beefcake!
Sorry about all the personal stuff, imaginary reader. But it DOES tie in to today’s (very special 100th) post! See, I have decided after doing Planet of the Vampires to dedicate a couple more posts to famed cult director Mario Bava, for two reasons: 1) Every movie blog needs to have something on Bava and 2) Why should Herzog get all the glory? Thus I selected his possibly most famous and influential film, The Three Faces Of Fear (otherwise known by its English-language AIP version title Black Sabbath) which is all about… human relationships and deception.
The Three Faces Of Fear
1963
Director: Mario Bava
What? An Italian sixties horror film actually being about something? Surely not! But yes, brutish reader, and let me explain. Three Faces Of Fear is an anthology film, and all three short films therein are united by that theme. It’s interesting that when AIP dubbed the film in English and shuffled the running order around for their release, they also (in addition to dropping the lesbian subtext) changed “The Telephone” to being a ghost story instead of a straight-up thriller, figuring that since the other two shorts had supernatural themes, “Telephone” was the odd one out without one. Well, they were wrong because the link between all of the shorts is not the supernatural but the relationships between human beings (and fear, hence the original Italian title) and dishonesty both with others and oneself. Let’s go through each short film one by one Kwaidan style and illustrate my point (without being to spoilerrific for those of you who haven’t seen the movie):
 |
| I know *I* always go to bed with perfect hair and makeup. |
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| Either murder or erotic asphyxiation gone very, very wrong. |
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| "No, I am totally NOT an evil bloodsucking vampire." |
"The Wurdalak" – The most famous part of the movie, because Boris Karloff is in it. A young count comes across a family that dreads the return of the father (Karloff) after he went out to hunt a wurdalak – a vampire that only feeds on the ones they love. They are afraid that if he comes back he may be contaminated and a wurdalak himself… guess what happens when he comes back? One by one the newly vampirized patriarch starts feeding on his family, and the visiting nobleman must try to escape with the daughter that he has (within the space of two minutes) fallen in love with.
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| "Come with me and escape your evil undead family!" "But I just met you - no wait, what am I saying? Okay." |
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| "Hello, you have reached the Greedy Bitch Hotline." |
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| I know I would TOTALLY risk the wrath of the dead for that ring. |
Ahhhhh, ah. Okay. Deep breath. It’s only the CREEPIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE IN YOUR LIFE. Okay. (Inhales) (Exhales)
This one is all about dishonesty as well as our relationship to the dead. Just because someone’s dead doesn’t mean that you aren’t in a relationship with them. The greedy nurse treats the dead (CREEPY) medium with contempt and steals from her and it ends up biting her in the ass. Lesson: Be honest and don’t steal. Also, don’t be a dick to dead people.
Well, there you go. My personal experiences of July sort of summed up in one movie. Human relations tested and strained and sometimes broken, but at least I haven’t had to deal with killers, vampires or ghosts.
Now, to kick off August and be a total dick, I end this 100th post of the Pharonic Fantasy Theatre with this image, may it be indelibly burned into your brain as it was mine:
Next Week: Beefcake!
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Lying Movie Titles, Exhibit A
I said I'd do it so here it is.
This film is the ultimate in style over substance. There is very little story - a spaceship crew lands on a creepy alien planet and discovers that the crew of their sister ship has become alien-possessed zombies (why the hell it's called Planet of the *Vampires* is beyond me, there's nary a bloodsucker in sight... the original Italian title Terror In Space makes a whole lot more sense) - there is almost no characterization, it drags a bit and the dialogue is nothing to write home about. But the sets! And those costumes! And the cool alien skeletons! Sure, the actual special effects are hideously dated and sometimes laughable, but Planet of the Vampires is a visually striking film... Mario Bava was known for his use of color and his mastery of lighting and it shows in this movie. The creepy atmosphere and colorful sights will stay with you for a while... it definitely did with the right people - you can see it's influence in Alien (writer Dan O'Bannon openly admitted to the influence of Bava's movie but director Ridley Scott has never owned up to it even though it's freaking obvious) and a lot of other later sci-fi movies.
I know that I haven't written much about this film, but as I have said it is because there isn't much to write about story or performance-wise. This ain't some deep rumination on the human condition to be analyzed but a (sometimes) fun little space zombie movie to simply look at and appreciate for what it is. In the end, I can safely recommend Planet of the Vampires - it's not a cinematic science fiction masterpiece but it's still better than Interstellar.
Burn!
Next Time: More Mario Madness
P.S. Interstellar sucks.
...Damn it!
1965
Director: Mario Bava
This film is the ultimate in style over substance. There is very little story - a spaceship crew lands on a creepy alien planet and discovers that the crew of their sister ship has become alien-possessed zombies (why the hell it's called Planet of the *Vampires* is beyond me, there's nary a bloodsucker in sight... the original Italian title Terror In Space makes a whole lot more sense) - there is almost no characterization, it drags a bit and the dialogue is nothing to write home about. But the sets! And those costumes! And the cool alien skeletons! Sure, the actual special effects are hideously dated and sometimes laughable, but Planet of the Vampires is a visually striking film... Mario Bava was known for his use of color and his mastery of lighting and it shows in this movie. The creepy atmosphere and colorful sights will stay with you for a while... it definitely did with the right people - you can see it's influence in Alien (writer Dan O'Bannon openly admitted to the influence of Bava's movie but director Ridley Scott has never owned up to it even though it's freaking obvious) and a lot of other later sci-fi movies.
I know that I haven't written much about this film, but as I have said it is because there isn't much to write about story or performance-wise. This ain't some deep rumination on the human condition to be analyzed but a (sometimes) fun little space zombie movie to simply look at and appreciate for what it is. In the end, I can safely recommend Planet of the Vampires - it's not a cinematic science fiction masterpiece but it's still better than Interstellar.
Burn!
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| It's the 60s so the spacesuits look like this. |
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| It's the 60s so they're still putting effort into making alien planet sets look *alien*. |
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| It's the 60s and it's not Star Trek, so the spaceships are just models sitting in front a backdrop... |
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| ...the spaceship control rooms are an ergonomic nightmare... |
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| ...and ray guns are butane torches. |
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| "No, I am totally NOT a killer space zombie." |
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| Hmm... I wonder... |
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| ...where Ridley Scott... |
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| ...got his ideas from. |
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| "Let's watch this new movie, supposed to be good, it's called Interstellar...." |
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| "It's not my fault! She passed out after watching only 30 minutes!" Okay, okay, this is the last time I'll hate on Interstellar. |
Next Time: More Mario Madness
P.S. Interstellar sucks.
...Damn it!
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Wow, I Am Actually Reviewing A New(ish) Movie
Today I watched Christopher Nolan's Interstellar for the first time: I saw the trailer last year and said "meh." It didn't look all that interesting and I figured it wasn't worth seeing in the theaters so I didn't, even after all the hype and rave reviews. Well, my mom lent me the DVD and said, "you should see this" so I did and said...
..."meh." Actually it was more "blah." I didn't like it. I didn't hate it either, I didn't have the same visceral reaction that I had to some of my most loathed movies like Armageddon, Die Another Day, Tommy or Gone With The Wind. Just "blah." And maybe that's worse, because at least those turd burgers DID elicit a strong reaction to me, even if not a positive one. Mostly I was just disappointed with Interstellar, even after I rejected all of the hype and didn't go in expecting the best thing ever. I was at least expecting to be somewhat entertained or intellectually stimulated and the movie failed on both accounts.
I'm not going to take much time writing about this movie as it really doesn't deserve that much space. Matthew McConaughey annoyed me. The rest of the actors disappointed me - even Michael Caine seemed to be phoning it in. There are way to many Hollywood Theatrics for a supposedly hard sci-fi movie. The abysmal score by Hans Zimmer is too loud and refuses to shut up. The film is somehow overly pretentious and cutesy - one of the characters is even named "Murphy" after Murphy's Law (really). Characters do things irrationally and out of the blue not to illustrate human fallibility or be realistic but to provide cheap Hollywood "Drama". With all of the shouting and tears and glurgy music you can tell that this movie is trying to manipulate you emotionally, it's not subtle like, say, Conan The Barbarian (yeah, I just went there).
I do not have a degree in science but even I could smell BS on some of the "science" in this film - I doubt that entry into a black hole would result in what happens in this movie. Even without the scientific factor, there are just way too many plot holes and stupid moments and stupid things that bring up way too many questions... why is a man who last piloted a plane 10 years ago *perfect* to fly a new spacecraft into another galaxy? Why did the aliens (or whoever) who supposedly want to help humanity put a wormhole out by Saturn when it would have been waaaaaaay more helpful and expedient to put it closer to Earth - say, closer to Mars or the Moon? For that matter what's up with the propulsion technology of the future? They use a three-stage rocket to launch the spaceship from Earth and it takes this craft 2 years to reach said wormhole at Saturn (which is about how long it would take using today's technology) but their landers have Star Trek shuttlecraft anti-grav and propulsion technology and can land *and* take off on their own. If they have sufficient AI to make sentient, wisecracking robots, why couldn't they just send advanced robot explorers out to this other galaxy instead of people who are fated to die (they try and explain away this one but it's bullshit)? For that matter if the Earth is dying why don't the humans just immigrate to orbiting space colonies (oppa) Gundam-style? You don't strictly need a planet to live, and they even show an O'Neill type cylinder at the end! Arrrrrgh!
Alright, as usual I spent way to much time ranting about this. This is a movie I never want to see again. I'm only providing one screenshot for this. I had to watch another sci-fi movie, any other SF movie, to get the bad taste of this out of my brain. I ended up watching Planet of the Vampires, which is actually a much better movie than Interstellar - and this is a 60s film that has Italian space zombies in leather gimp suits. Hey, there's an idea - why don't I review Planet of the Vampires?
Next Time: Planet of the Vampires
..."meh." Actually it was more "blah." I didn't like it. I didn't hate it either, I didn't have the same visceral reaction that I had to some of my most loathed movies like Armageddon, Die Another Day, Tommy or Gone With The Wind. Just "blah." And maybe that's worse, because at least those turd burgers DID elicit a strong reaction to me, even if not a positive one. Mostly I was just disappointed with Interstellar, even after I rejected all of the hype and didn't go in expecting the best thing ever. I was at least expecting to be somewhat entertained or intellectually stimulated and the movie failed on both accounts.
I'm not going to take much time writing about this movie as it really doesn't deserve that much space. Matthew McConaughey annoyed me. The rest of the actors disappointed me - even Michael Caine seemed to be phoning it in. There are way to many Hollywood Theatrics for a supposedly hard sci-fi movie. The abysmal score by Hans Zimmer is too loud and refuses to shut up. The film is somehow overly pretentious and cutesy - one of the characters is even named "Murphy" after Murphy's Law (really). Characters do things irrationally and out of the blue not to illustrate human fallibility or be realistic but to provide cheap Hollywood "Drama". With all of the shouting and tears and glurgy music you can tell that this movie is trying to manipulate you emotionally, it's not subtle like, say, Conan The Barbarian (yeah, I just went there).
I do not have a degree in science but even I could smell BS on some of the "science" in this film - I doubt that entry into a black hole would result in what happens in this movie. Even without the scientific factor, there are just way too many plot holes and stupid moments and stupid things that bring up way too many questions... why is a man who last piloted a plane 10 years ago *perfect* to fly a new spacecraft into another galaxy? Why did the aliens (or whoever) who supposedly want to help humanity put a wormhole out by Saturn when it would have been waaaaaaay more helpful and expedient to put it closer to Earth - say, closer to Mars or the Moon? For that matter what's up with the propulsion technology of the future? They use a three-stage rocket to launch the spaceship from Earth and it takes this craft 2 years to reach said wormhole at Saturn (which is about how long it would take using today's technology) but their landers have Star Trek shuttlecraft anti-grav and propulsion technology and can land *and* take off on their own. If they have sufficient AI to make sentient, wisecracking robots, why couldn't they just send advanced robot explorers out to this other galaxy instead of people who are fated to die (they try and explain away this one but it's bullshit)? For that matter if the Earth is dying why don't the humans just immigrate to orbiting space colonies (oppa) Gundam-style? You don't strictly need a planet to live, and they even show an O'Neill type cylinder at the end! Arrrrrgh!
Alright, as usual I spent way to much time ranting about this. This is a movie I never want to see again. I'm only providing one screenshot for this. I had to watch another sci-fi movie, any other SF movie, to get the bad taste of this out of my brain. I ended up watching Planet of the Vampires, which is actually a much better movie than Interstellar - and this is a 60s film that has Italian space zombies in leather gimp suits. Hey, there's an idea - why don't I review Planet of the Vampires?
Next Time: Planet of the Vampires
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Unmutual!
I couldn't stay away, but I won't be here long. Too much personal stuff in my life, my slipping emotional sanity and the mind-numbing quest for an actual life mean that not only have I not written for this blog in a long time but that I won't be writing for it again ever come the near future; I am near done and we are approaching the end of line. I truly mean it this time. Cross my heart.
I didn't start up this blog again for the death of Leonard Nimoy, I didn't do it to commemorate Christopher Lee. No, I am doing it today because today is American Patriotastic As Fuck Day, and as a Patriotastic American I feel like saying on this day celebrating the birth of "The Greatest Nation In The World": It's a Sham. Freedom is a myth. You see, I have finished re-watching what is probably the Greatest Television Show Ever Made, and I had to come onto the internet, on this day, after a prolonged silence, to talk about it. And it's British. Ha.
This is a classic show. If you haven't seen it, go watch it now. Don't expect me to do a review in the classical sense and use it to decide whether you want to watch it, I'll just tell you right now. Watch it now. Now.
Now.
(17 hours later)
Okay, back? Good. Awesome, wasn't it? And really fucking confusing too, I'll bet. There's a lot of stuff in this show that makes you think, and makes you think about stuff that's not that pleasant. Individuality vs the Community is only one facet. I believe the overall conflict of the show is Freedom vs Control, or alternatively, Order vs Chaos... which ties into the Individual vs Society. Of course Society stands for Order and Control... without control there would be no order, there would be chaos... and human beings cannot stand pure anarchy. This is all Sociology 101, but the way The Prisoner star and creative force Patrick McGoohan handles it all is brilliant and nuanced. From the tone and plot of the show you would expect The Prisoner (I refuse to refer to him as Number 6, after all HE IS NOT A NUMBER) to be the unabashed hero and the controllers of The Village to be absolute, unadulterated evil, but this is not always the case. The Prisoner can sometimes be just as rigid and uncompromising in the name of the individual as the Village can be in enforcing Control -only near the end of the show does he stop flailing about in self-righteous rage and start to beat the Villagers at their own game. And while the antagonists do some pretty evil stuff in the course of the show it is made plain on a number of occasions that many of them are just as much prisoners as the main character. You can actually sympathize with some of the Numbers Two (most notably Leo McKern's).
And in the end of course (literally) The Prisoner shows that you will never be free; if society is not trying to control and limit you then you yourself are. The struggle is never over; we are doomed to conflict with ourselves and each other until the end of time... .. wait a minute, is this show British or German?
And that's why I say what McGoohan once said: freedom, or at least absolute freedom as imagined by most Americans, is a myth. It has to be. Or society would just fall apart. In America you are only as free as you can afford to be. Or as free as the powers-that-be will let you be. Or as free as your family, friends, neighborhood or community lets you be. The United States is no different. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love living in the US. As a (barely) middle-class American I enjoy a roof over my head and food whenever I need it (good, affordable medical care on the other hand....). I am "free" to express my opinions about my government and not be jailed in a gulag somewhere but make no mistake... true political dissenters and undesirables are monitored covertly and often, and those deemed dangerous to the state (whether they are dangerous or not) are dealt with. Scratch the surface of America's "free" exterior actually, and you'll find a surveillance and enforcement system that resembles a certain Village control room....
The United States (and other western countries) have done some very nefarious things to protect the community and its "freedom", many of them done during the decade The Prisoner was originally made. Things that were just as nefarious as the "evil" Communist Soviet Union or third world brutal dictatorships (some of which we helped set up and/or maintain). The East and West were not that different during the Cold War (something the show touches on).
So given the show's message and the state of the world it's all pretty depressing, right? There is no hope. Well, no. The trick, and this is the beauty of McGoohan's message, is to despite all this never let them make you think of yourself as a number (which is difficult today, isn't it, with your Social Security Number, Driver's Licence Number, etc.). Also, you have to *fight* for the rights you most want and cherish. Don't let them take everything. You should learn to compromise, but never just roll over and play dead.
All this coming from a Brit, no less. Wait, actually, Patrick McGoohan was born and died in... America.
Go America! Woo!
Happy Fourth.
I didn't start up this blog again for the death of Leonard Nimoy, I didn't do it to commemorate Christopher Lee. No, I am doing it today because today is American Patriotastic As Fuck Day, and as a Patriotastic American I feel like saying on this day celebrating the birth of "The Greatest Nation In The World": It's a Sham. Freedom is a myth. You see, I have finished re-watching what is probably the Greatest Television Show Ever Made, and I had to come onto the internet, on this day, after a prolonged silence, to talk about it. And it's British. Ha.
1967-1968
Director: Basically Patrick McGoohan
This is a classic show. If you haven't seen it, go watch it now. Don't expect me to do a review in the classical sense and use it to decide whether you want to watch it, I'll just tell you right now. Watch it now. Now.
Now.
(17 hours later)
Okay, back? Good. Awesome, wasn't it? And really fucking confusing too, I'll bet. There's a lot of stuff in this show that makes you think, and makes you think about stuff that's not that pleasant. Individuality vs the Community is only one facet. I believe the overall conflict of the show is Freedom vs Control, or alternatively, Order vs Chaos... which ties into the Individual vs Society. Of course Society stands for Order and Control... without control there would be no order, there would be chaos... and human beings cannot stand pure anarchy. This is all Sociology 101, but the way The Prisoner star and creative force Patrick McGoohan handles it all is brilliant and nuanced. From the tone and plot of the show you would expect The Prisoner (I refuse to refer to him as Number 6, after all HE IS NOT A NUMBER) to be the unabashed hero and the controllers of The Village to be absolute, unadulterated evil, but this is not always the case. The Prisoner can sometimes be just as rigid and uncompromising in the name of the individual as the Village can be in enforcing Control -only near the end of the show does he stop flailing about in self-righteous rage and start to beat the Villagers at their own game. And while the antagonists do some pretty evil stuff in the course of the show it is made plain on a number of occasions that many of them are just as much prisoners as the main character. You can actually sympathize with some of the Numbers Two (most notably Leo McKern's).
And in the end of course (literally) The Prisoner shows that you will never be free; if society is not trying to control and limit you then you yourself are. The struggle is never over; we are doomed to conflict with ourselves and each other until the end of time... .. wait a minute, is this show British or German?
And that's why I say what McGoohan once said: freedom, or at least absolute freedom as imagined by most Americans, is a myth. It has to be. Or society would just fall apart. In America you are only as free as you can afford to be. Or as free as the powers-that-be will let you be. Or as free as your family, friends, neighborhood or community lets you be. The United States is no different. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love living in the US. As a (barely) middle-class American I enjoy a roof over my head and food whenever I need it (good, affordable medical care on the other hand....). I am "free" to express my opinions about my government and not be jailed in a gulag somewhere but make no mistake... true political dissenters and undesirables are monitored covertly and often, and those deemed dangerous to the state (whether they are dangerous or not) are dealt with. Scratch the surface of America's "free" exterior actually, and you'll find a surveillance and enforcement system that resembles a certain Village control room....
The United States (and other western countries) have done some very nefarious things to protect the community and its "freedom", many of them done during the decade The Prisoner was originally made. Things that were just as nefarious as the "evil" Communist Soviet Union or third world brutal dictatorships (some of which we helped set up and/or maintain). The East and West were not that different during the Cold War (something the show touches on).
So given the show's message and the state of the world it's all pretty depressing, right? There is no hope. Well, no. The trick, and this is the beauty of McGoohan's message, is to despite all this never let them make you think of yourself as a number (which is difficult today, isn't it, with your Social Security Number, Driver's Licence Number, etc.). Also, you have to *fight* for the rights you most want and cherish. Don't let them take everything. You should learn to compromise, but never just roll over and play dead.
All this coming from a Brit, no less. Wait, actually, Patrick McGoohan was born and died in... America.
Go America! Woo!
Happy Fourth.
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