Holiday movies normally suck, and the reason for this is that holiday movies often have to have a genre of films made up just for them: the Christmas movie, the Thanksgiving movie and so on. Also, you can only really watch them one time of the year. Who wants to watch a Christmas movie in July?
But Halloween is different. Halloween has a genre of movies that can be watched year-round and is not necessarily slaved to the holiday: the horror movie. Unfortunately, despite this Halloween can also suck movie-wise because all of the TV channels and video stores hawk the same shit year after year. Some horror movies watched every year by the masses on Halloween are true classics; others are pure drivel. But I get tired of watching even the good ones over and over again so this year for Halloween I thought I would share three good horror movies that aren’t replayed to death. In fact, some of these are pretty out-of-the-way and, dare I say, cult.
Here they are. Enjoy.
Matango (1963) – A rich business man, a movie star, a professor and his student along with the ship’s captain and first mate are sailing a yacht on a pleasure cruise when they are swept in a colossal storm that leaves them stranded on a deserted island somewhere in the Pacific. Sound familiar? Except that instead of being a crappy sitcom this is a psychological horror movie where the castaways start going for each other’s throats as their mini-society devolves and they find mysterious mushrooms that are both mind and body altering. This is Godzilla director Ishiro Honda’s favorite of his movies, and it’s one of mine, too.
Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter (1974) – Not all vampires attack the same. In a nineteenth century European village young girls are being found dead as wrinkled old crones, having been aged to death by something unknown. The wandering titular vampire hunter is summoned by his doctor friend to find and slay the undead threat. This is one of Hammer Horror’s last movies, and one of their most fun. Where else can you see a katana-swinging Napoleonic vampire hunter with a hunchback professor sidekick slay evil beasts and bed Caroline Munro?
The Fog (1980) – A small Pacific seaside town is celebrating its anniversary when a mysterious fog rolls in. One by one people start dying and the local priest has a suspicion of why: the town harbors a shameful secret, a secret that may spell death and disaster for many innocent people. This is one of John Carpenter’s most underrated works. It isn’t one of his best, but it is a good, spooky little film that manages to genuinely creep you out a few times. It also actually makes ghost pirates seem like a scary idea and not a joke.
So there you go... three non-standard good horror movies for your Halloween viewing pleasure. Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go eat candy and drink cider until I throw up.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The Best Japanese-Schoolgirls-In-A-Haunted-Hausu Movie *EVER*
Okay, this is gonna be (yet) another short review, if only because I watched this movie a few days ago and I still haven’t completely digested it yet. House has been all over the movie and DVD sites lately, as it was just released by Criterion as well as the fact that it's touring the country as a roadshow movie. I wanted to see this in the theatre but didn’t get the chance, for a variety of reasons. So I ended up having to settle for watching… ugh… El Cid at home instead. Yuck. Anyway, I picked up the Criterion DVD and gave it a whirl, and WOW. Definitely better than El Cid… I’m sorry I missed this in the theatre. Oh well, I have it to watch whenever I want and besides, it might make a better DVD movie anyway. Well, anyways, here’s one more review of House to join all the hundreds of others hitting the net right now. This might not be the best review of this movie or the most coherent considering – as I have said – I still haven’t completely come to grips with the film yet.
Theatrical Film, 1977
Director: Nobuhiko Obayashi
The Story
Gorgeous is in a tizzy because her father plans to remarry. So she does what any other sane person would do: she invites her six friends Sweet, Fantasy, Mac, Kung Fu, Melody and Prof (no, really) to come with her to visit her aunt that she’s met only once at her house in the country. No, really. There the girls meet the mysterious Auntie and her cat, Blanche. Oh, and start getting eaten by the house one by one. No, really.
The Review
People often say that this movie was made by people on drugs. I don’t think so. Drugs are massively illegal in Japan and the drug laws are super-draconian there. So I don’t think the people were on drugs because they would have been busted and sent to jail for fifty years. Hell, the whole crew for this movie was probably questioned by the police after it came out. So, no, the crew wasn’t on drugs. The movie is on drugs. A lot of drugs. A lot. Of. Drugs. But not the people. Paradoxically enough.
In a way this movie reminded me of Forbidden Zone while I watched it. That movie is also on drugs. That movie is on crack. House, on the other hand, is on speed.
…and crack.
And acid. And ecstasy. And glue.
About the only drug I can think of that this is NOT on is weed. Because weed is mellow. Weed is laid-back. This movie is not laid-back. This movie is The Shining a la The Young Ones. This movie is…
Okay, take all of the drugs I just mentioned, mix them up in a giant pot and snort them off of the nearest cat* – if you have one great if not a neighbor's – then have a staring contest with the cat. The resulting high you will be on is what this movie is. This is probably the most whacked-out, trippiest movie I have ever seen.
And I love it.
I can see why House is so popular with all of the cult and art-house moviegoers right now. It is different. It is unique. And it is fun. There is no other movie like it. I know I tried vainly to describe it before as a combination of a certain Kubrick horror film and an early eighties UK punk comedy show, but that really doesn’t do this film justice. So many film and camera techniques are used in House that it’s insane. This was director Obayashi’s first feature film and it shows. I think that he was experimenting with every film trick known to man just to see how they worked and how to do them. I also think he (and everyone else) had a blast making it too – everyone in this movie looks like they’re having a lot of fun. It’s truly dizzying to watch this movie as a result… just as soon as you’ve seen one thing another new one takes its place. To which I say: well done! The world needs more movies like this.
I won’t attempt to analyze the characters, story, symbolism et al. because I don’t think any of that applies to this film. As an example: yes, the characters are one-dimensional but that’s the point… Obayashi is parodying the clichéd characters of horror movies and… ah, fuck it. He did it just for fun. Because to see a half-naked Japanese schoolgirl named Kung Fu karate chop vicious pieces of killer firewood is fun. See, that’s how this movie works.
Anyway, in case I haven’t made it clear yet, see House. Oh, excuse me. See
HAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUSU.
HAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUSU.
Screenshots
Note: None of these shots do this film justice. House is a kinetic film, a film that is constantly moving. To appreciate it in all its glory you have to actually see it. All I can hope for is that these few captures of insanity will get you to see it.
Nope, absolutely no Japanese schoolgirl lesbianism going on in this scene.
Just keep moving, keep moving along... keep... um ...I'll be in my bunk.
 |
| Yep. This is the kind of movie that this is. |
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| Hint #1 that your reclusive old aunt may, in fact, be evil. |
Sweet forgets one of the cardinal rules of horror movies:
NEVER PICK UP THE FUCKING CAT!
 |
| What every |
 |
| ....And a Japanese schoolgirl eating piano. |
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| Surprisingly this is not the trippiest shot in the movie. |
 |
| In case you haven't figured it out yet: CATS ARE FUCKING EVIL!! |
 |
| Okay, who invited Terry Gilliam? |
*DISCLAIMER: Don’t actually do this. Taking that many drugs at once would result in a) you keeling over dead from the shock to your system and b) me being arrested for suggesting it. So don’t do it. In fact, don’t do any drugs. Drugs are bad, m’kay?
Also, the cat would probably claw the shit out of you.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Plus What?
More anime, more anime! My god, I went more than a month without reviewing something Japanese and animated… I started getting the shakes. Even watching Memories didn’t slake my thirst, I need more! And not just any anime but something with !GIANT ROBOTS! Today I review an anime OVA with !GIANT ROBOTS! that the fandom considers one of the best of all time. I found it to be… only slightly overrated. Today I review
It is 30 years after the conclusion of the first Space War between the Humans and Zentradi. On the colony world of Eden, two variable fighters (jetfighters that can turn into !GIANT ROBOTS!) are being tested against each other to see which one will be selected by the UN Space Navy for service. Unfortunately the two opposing test pilots – the reckless Isamu Dyson and the taciturn Guld Bowman – hate each other with a passion, having ended their friendship years ago over the love of a mutual friend. Also unfortunately, this very person, Myung Fang Lone, has come to Eden to test the new AI “Sharon Apple” – a virtual pop idol singer that she is the “producer” for. This only serves to intensify the rivalry between the two men, leading to dangerous and even deadly consequences. Meanwhile, all may not be as it seems with the artificial being Sharon, who has the power to entrance whole audiences with her songs….
Macross Plus has been called “The Top Gun of Anime.” Personally I couldn’t say. I have never been able to sit through Top Gun all the way through – in fact I have never been able to take more than 10 minutes of that film at a time considering I can’t stand Tom Cruise (The only movie I have been able to watch that has him in it all the way through is Legend, which was directed by Ridley Scott who coincidentally is the brother of Tony Scott who directed Top Gun. So there’s your Useless Bit Of Trivia Of The Day). But I can see where people get that. The protagonist of Macross Plus is a lot like Cruise’s character of Maverick from that film and the antagonist looks a bit like Val Kilmer’s Iceman. So I guess you can call it that, if you also threw in 2001: A Space Odyssey and, of course, the original Super Dimension Fortress Macross.
Anyway, Macross Plus has also been called the greatest Macross series ever, and even the pinnacle of the franchise. I wouldn’t go that far. Personally, I enjoy the original Macross more – which you don't have to see to enjoy this, by the way, even though you should – even if it is rough (*ahem* very rough) in a few spots. Nevertheless, Macross Plus is an excellent piece of entertainment, even if is predictable and reuses the same tropes from the original show.
Yes, this anime is pretty predictable. The characters act pretty much as you expect them to, and the situations develop likewise. This being a Macross show, you’re also going to get lots of singing, a love triangle and missiles out the wazoo. The show basically has two plots, and in both it’s pretty easy to figure out what’s going to happen. I knew that Sharon Apple was going to go berserk and – what?! Don’t look at me like that! You know it’s going to happen the moment you see the computer! Come on, it looks like THIS–
– what the Hell did you THINK was going to happen? Anyways, the main love triangle was easy to figure out too. What, you mean the reckless but lovable (?) hero will get the girl instead of the barely-repressed rage filled, stony-faced rival? But that never happens! Okay, sarcasm aside, I will say that I did like the fact that Kawamori switched the genders for the love triangle in this show but I found the one for the original Macross better as it was better done and not as predictable.
I know that my review so far makes it sound like I don’t like this OVA, and I have slapped it with some major criticisms. But I really do like it – it has some great action, *awesome* animation (especially the opening fight scene. WOW!), great music by Yoko Kanno and a complex relationship between three characters that resolves itself beautifully if (again) a little predictably. I also like that fact that Kawamori, while reusing some of the tropes from the original Macross managed to twist them and make them interesting to watch again (and I have always liked the Macross Missile Swarms so I didn’t mind seeing them again here, in fact I relished it). Sharon Apple is interesting as she is a pop idol that is completely artificial in nature (something that Japanese pop producers have to salivate over. I mean, they’ve been striving towards this for years – a pop idol that is completely controllable – no drug scandals or the idol getting a *gasp* boyfriend or anything!). She also ultimately becomes a negative force through her music unlike Minmei from the original show. Speaking of Sharon, Kawamori takes time to discuss the nature of sentience and the dangers of giving computers emotions – emotions not their own but the emotions of others, others with serious mental issues they need to work out – which has been done before but was well done here so I can’t complain. Where else can you comment on both emerging sentient artificial intelligence and make digs at the highly artificial pop music industry at the same time? Brilliant!
Overall this is a very good OVA, and I recommend it highly. I would in fact put it near the top tier of animated science fiction. I don’t think however that it is the nigh-religious experience that others think it is – I think it's a little too flawed for that – and I don’t even think it’s the best Macross anime out there (which to me just might be the movie Do You Remember Love – which won't ever be released outside of Japan because of all the legal bullshit, ARGH) even though it might be the most mature. Now all I have to do is check out the Movie Edition….
Quick note on the DVD: Beware! Some of the discs of Volume 1 of this OVA have “Movie Edition” printed on the disc, when it in fact has the first two episodes of the OVA (as it should be). Manga Video strikes again! So if you pick this up and see "Movie Edition" printed on one of your discs don't take it back for a refund right away (unless you really can't stand having a misprint). Put it in your player and test it first.
Before I end this post, here's... another (gratuitous) shot of an ass-swarm of missiles!
Why? Because I can!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
OVA, 1994
Director: Shōji Kawamori
The Story
It is 30 years after the conclusion of the first Space War between the Humans and Zentradi. On the colony world of Eden, two variable fighters (jetfighters that can turn into !GIANT ROBOTS!) are being tested against each other to see which one will be selected by the UN Space Navy for service. Unfortunately the two opposing test pilots – the reckless Isamu Dyson and the taciturn Guld Bowman – hate each other with a passion, having ended their friendship years ago over the love of a mutual friend. Also unfortunately, this very person, Myung Fang Lone, has come to Eden to test the new AI “Sharon Apple” – a virtual pop idol singer that she is the “producer” for. This only serves to intensify the rivalry between the two men, leading to dangerous and even deadly consequences. Meanwhile, all may not be as it seems with the artificial being Sharon, who has the power to entrance whole audiences with her songs….
Review
Macross Plus has been called “The Top Gun of Anime.” Personally I couldn’t say. I have never been able to sit through Top Gun all the way through – in fact I have never been able to take more than 10 minutes of that film at a time considering I can’t stand Tom Cruise (The only movie I have been able to watch that has him in it all the way through is Legend, which was directed by Ridley Scott who coincidentally is the brother of Tony Scott who directed Top Gun. So there’s your Useless Bit Of Trivia Of The Day). But I can see where people get that. The protagonist of Macross Plus is a lot like Cruise’s character of Maverick from that film and the antagonist looks a bit like Val Kilmer’s Iceman. So I guess you can call it that, if you also threw in 2001: A Space Odyssey and, of course, the original Super Dimension Fortress Macross.
Anyway, Macross Plus has also been called the greatest Macross series ever, and even the pinnacle of the franchise. I wouldn’t go that far. Personally, I enjoy the original Macross more – which you don't have to see to enjoy this, by the way, even though you should – even if it is rough (*ahem* very rough) in a few spots. Nevertheless, Macross Plus is an excellent piece of entertainment, even if is predictable and reuses the same tropes from the original show.
Yes, this anime is pretty predictable. The characters act pretty much as you expect them to, and the situations develop likewise. This being a Macross show, you’re also going to get lots of singing, a love triangle and missiles out the wazoo. The show basically has two plots, and in both it’s pretty easy to figure out what’s going to happen. I knew that Sharon Apple was going to go berserk and – what?! Don’t look at me like that! You know it’s going to happen the moment you see the computer! Come on, it looks like THIS–
 |
| “What are you doing, Dave?” |
– what the Hell did you THINK was going to happen? Anyways, the main love triangle was easy to figure out too. What, you mean the reckless but lovable (?) hero will get the girl instead of the barely-repressed rage filled, stony-faced rival? But that never happens! Okay, sarcasm aside, I will say that I did like the fact that Kawamori switched the genders for the love triangle in this show but I found the one for the original Macross better as it was better done and not as predictable.
I know that my review so far makes it sound like I don’t like this OVA, and I have slapped it with some major criticisms. But I really do like it – it has some great action, *awesome* animation (especially the opening fight scene. WOW!), great music by Yoko Kanno and a complex relationship between three characters that resolves itself beautifully if (again) a little predictably. I also like that fact that Kawamori, while reusing some of the tropes from the original Macross managed to twist them and make them interesting to watch again (and I have always liked the Macross Missile Swarms so I didn’t mind seeing them again here, in fact I relished it). Sharon Apple is interesting as she is a pop idol that is completely artificial in nature (something that Japanese pop producers have to salivate over. I mean, they’ve been striving towards this for years – a pop idol that is completely controllable – no drug scandals or the idol getting a *gasp* boyfriend or anything!). She also ultimately becomes a negative force through her music unlike Minmei from the original show. Speaking of Sharon, Kawamori takes time to discuss the nature of sentience and the dangers of giving computers emotions – emotions not their own but the emotions of others, others with serious mental issues they need to work out – which has been done before but was well done here so I can’t complain. Where else can you comment on both emerging sentient artificial intelligence and make digs at the highly artificial pop music industry at the same time? Brilliant!
Overall this is a very good OVA, and I recommend it highly. I would in fact put it near the top tier of animated science fiction. I don’t think however that it is the nigh-religious experience that others think it is – I think it's a little too flawed for that – and I don’t even think it’s the best Macross anime out there (which to me just might be the movie Do You Remember Love – which won't ever be released outside of Japan because of all the legal bullshit, ARGH) even though it might be the most mature. Now all I have to do is check out the Movie Edition….
Screenshots
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| The most obvious way to begin an action-filled anime full of !GIANT ROBOTS!... Windmills! |
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| It wouldn't be a Macross show without buttloads of missiles. |
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| ....Or the Macross itself. |
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| Okay, what is it with the Japanese fetish for giant chickens? |
 |
| Speaking of fetishes, for those of you with one for Japanese rope bondage, Macross Plus DELIVERS! |
Quick note on the DVD: Beware! Some of the discs of Volume 1 of this OVA have “Movie Edition” printed on the disc, when it in fact has the first two episodes of the OVA (as it should be). Manga Video strikes again! So if you pick this up and see "Movie Edition" printed on one of your discs don't take it back for a refund right away (unless you really can't stand having a misprint). Put it in your player and test it first.
Before I end this post, here's... another (gratuitous) shot of an ass-swarm of missiles!
Why? Because I can!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Short Films, Short Reviews
This is going to be a short review (Promise!) because I’m tired out from work and other stuff. Today’s movie is an anthology film, made up of three separate short stories.
Theatrical Film, 1995
Directors: Kōji Morimoto, Tensai Okamura, Katsuhiro Otomo
The Story
Magnetic Rose: A deep space salvage crew runs across a distress call coming from a ship in the middle of a dangerous magnetic field. After investigating, they find that the ship is one big shrine to the life of an opera singer of the last century. Both delights and dangers await them as they explore the memories and psyches of both the diva and ultimately themselves.
Stink Bomb: A bumbling Japanese lab worker accidently swallows some secret pills thinking they are flu medication. Hilarity ensues as he starts emitting a poisonous gas killing all around him with him completely unaware of what’s going on. Determined to get to Tokyo to deliver the pills to his company’s headquarters, he finds himself mysteriously under attack from the military. Will the Japanese SDF be able to stop this human biological weapon from reaching the capitol and killing untold millions of people?
Cannon Fodder: In a town where all the buildings are topped by enormous cannons the citizens are always at war. The people exist only to load the guns, fire the guns and strive to win a war against a foe they never see.
Review
This is a very good movie. It’s movies like this that show the true potential of anime and of animation in general to tell stories and elevate the medium to true art.
Magnetic Rose: This is the longest of the shorts, and could have easily have been its own movie. It kind of struck me as being a Japanese Twilight Zone meets The Shining. I don’t think it’s quite the absolute masterpiece that everyone else who’s seen this movie says it is, but it is very good. It's very atmospheric, and the music (courtesy of Yoko Kanno) is very good as well as very fitting. The characters are well fleshed out and easy to relate to, which is quite a feat considering this is short film with only 45 minutes to have character development in.
Stink Bomb: This is a hilarious satire of human stupidity. Not only does it ridicule the standard subjects of satire – the government and military – it also takes on the Japanese corporate mentality and human obliviousness in general. Nobuo is not only so stupid that he can’t put one and one together to realize that he’s causing all of the death around him, he’s a complete unthinking corporate drone to boot. The Japanese are known for being fiercely loyal to whatever company they work for, and this is riffed on stupendously in “Stink Bomb.” Nobuo will not let anything, not soldiers, not tanks, not helicopters, nor even his own grandmother stop him from reaching Tokyo. And the government is just as bad, trying to kill him as a first option instead of just dropping a note to explain the situation to him. Truly a tales to warm the cockles of your heart.
Cannon Fodder: This is always painted by others reviewing this movie as solely a portrayal and satire of fascism, but I think it’s a metaphor for life itself. I think that it is more specifically a metaphor for the life of drudgery that a majority of the world’s population endures – the poor souls who get up everyday, trudge into their job and do monotonous work all day before going home to repeat the cycle all over again. Anyone who has worked in the fields, in a factory or even in retail or at a restaurant… anyone who works as a tiny cog in a soulless machine – especially in a soulless machine spouting bullshit propaganda (whether government or corporate) – anyone who doesn’t get to utilize any sort of creativity or true intelligence or passion in their work… anyone who endures that will be able to relate to this film.
This film is highly recommended. Not one of the absolute best movies ever made, but very entertaining and unlike 99% of the movies out there will actually make you think.
Screenshots
(Sorry, no funny captions for the movie this week. Not enough energy)
Next Week: I have no clue. I haven’t planned that far in advance yet. I’m livin’ for the moment, baby!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
A Not-So-Mini Who Review
Today I do a shorter review for one of my favorite TV shows, Doctor Who. A “Mini-Who-Review,” if you will. This time I’m watching a story from the early days of the show in the sixties, when adventures with Time Lords where broadcast in black-and-white! So come with me back into an age when the girls where groovy, the monsters where made of aluminum foil and racism was perfectly acceptable on television as I review
What I love about Doctor Who is that you can jump into any story and not have to know much about the show as a whole to enjoy it. For those of you who have not seen the show, here’s the basic premise: An alien travels around the universe and has adventures with his human friends. That’s it. The whole setup is so basic it’s brilliant. Unfortunately, the writers of this show wasted this format as often as they took advantage of it. Episode quality on Doctor Who varies wildly, from pure genius to televised garbage. So where does “The Tomb of the Cybermen” fit?
Well, I’m sort of torn. I will say that this serial is definitely not bad, in fact, it’s pretty darn good. I just don’t know if I would put it near the top of the list of best Doctor Who episodes ever made. There are too many flaws keeping this from being an all-time absolute classic, even if it is a very entertaining story. I’m just gonna go through and say what I like and don’t like about “Tomb”.
First, I like the direction. At a few points in the story I felt that the camerawork was almost cinematic, which is refreshing to see on television and British television in the sixties in particular. Kudos to Morris Barry on this. I also like the electronic music (thanks Radiophonics Workshop!) The sets are impressive, and the Cybermen themselves are suitably creepy with a real hint of menace. One thing that the producers of Doctor Who have always known how to do is bring out a sense of danger from a man in a rubber suit.
The story is a mixed bag. On one hand it is genuinely suspenseful in some spots with a real feeling of peril from the titular cyborgs, and it is fun to see the Doctor and the other scientists try to work out the mysteries of the Cybermen’s control room before making their way to the tombs below. On the other hand, too many of the characters do way too many stupid things, like leaving guns lying around when they shouldn’t have thus allowing the villains to pick them up. Now characters in a drama are allowed to be dumb and make mistakes sometimes (God knows I do), but I don’t like it when the stupidity of the characters drives the drama itself. The acting is also mixed. Patrick Troughton puts in a good performance here, and most of the other actors are adequate as well. The best scene is the exchange between the Doctor and Victoria about their families. This is a nice quiet and touching scene, and the series could have used more like it. However, some of the other acting is not so good. Deborah Watling as Victoria screams a lot and stumbles over some of her lines (not to mention goes to sleep in the most unrealistic manner I have ever seen). And the “American” space captain sounds like he practiced his accent by watching Plan 9 From Outer Space.
The worst part of “Tomb of the Cybermen” for me though is the racism and sexism. You would think that the sixties being the Age of the Civil Rights Movement there would be more positive portrayals of non-whites and women on television, but I guess Britain was even further behind in this regard than America. Hell, they even continued with the unabashed racism and sexism into the seventies – just look at the Doctor Who serial “The Talons of Weng Chiang” (a serial I absolutely loathe, detest and despise by the way, and will never review on this blog because I never want to see it again as long as I live). The sexism in the Doctor Who of this time period is pretty self-evident: if a female character isn't a villain then she's completely useless and screams a lot... and remember, even hundreds of years in the future men will insist that women stay out of danger, being, you know, frail little girls and all. The racism from this period is pretty apparent as well. All of the heroes in “Tomb” are not only white but WASPS (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants) except Jamie (Scottish, but it almost counts as he’s still British) and technically the Doctor (Gallifreyan, but acts awfully English). All of the good-guy scientists are English while the rocket ship crew are all White Americans (with really, really bad “American” accents) of English descent. The villains are: a middle easterner, a German (I think? Klieg sounds like a German name but hell if I know what accent he’s speaking with), and a big & strong, dumb black dude. Yes, you heard me. A Big Scary Black Man who hardly speaks, has limited intelligence when he does and is slavishly loyal to his “mistress.” Progress!
Television Serial, 1967
Director: Morris Barry
The Story
The Doctor (Patrick Troughton), Jamie, and new companion Victoria land on the planet Telos, home of the feared Cybermen who are believed to have been extinct for hundreds of years. An Earth expedition has also landed on the planet in search of the Cybermen’s lost city. When the Doctor and the Earth expedition join forces and enter the city they find (after a lot of work) the titular Tombs of the Cybermen. Will the Doctor be able to keep this threat from rising again? Or will a traitor (or traitors) in the group’s midst conspire to bring the Cybermen back to life for their own nefarious purposes? Is the sky blue? Do Time Lords regenerate twelve times? Do Doctor Who Girl Companions™ scream WAY too much?
The Doctor (Patrick Troughton), Jamie, and new companion Victoria land on the planet Telos, home of the feared Cybermen who are believed to have been extinct for hundreds of years. An Earth expedition has also landed on the planet in search of the Cybermen’s lost city. When the Doctor and the Earth expedition join forces and enter the city they find (after a lot of work) the titular Tombs of the Cybermen. Will the Doctor be able to keep this threat from rising again? Or will a traitor (or traitors) in the group’s midst conspire to bring the Cybermen back to life for their own nefarious purposes? Is the sky blue? Do Time Lords regenerate twelve times? Do Doctor Who Girl Companions™ scream WAY too much?
Review
What I love about Doctor Who is that you can jump into any story and not have to know much about the show as a whole to enjoy it. For those of you who have not seen the show, here’s the basic premise: An alien travels around the universe and has adventures with his human friends. That’s it. The whole setup is so basic it’s brilliant. Unfortunately, the writers of this show wasted this format as often as they took advantage of it. Episode quality on Doctor Who varies wildly, from pure genius to televised garbage. So where does “The Tomb of the Cybermen” fit?
Well, I’m sort of torn. I will say that this serial is definitely not bad, in fact, it’s pretty darn good. I just don’t know if I would put it near the top of the list of best Doctor Who episodes ever made. There are too many flaws keeping this from being an all-time absolute classic, even if it is a very entertaining story. I’m just gonna go through and say what I like and don’t like about “Tomb”.
First, I like the direction. At a few points in the story I felt that the camerawork was almost cinematic, which is refreshing to see on television and British television in the sixties in particular. Kudos to Morris Barry on this. I also like the electronic music (thanks Radiophonics Workshop!) The sets are impressive, and the Cybermen themselves are suitably creepy with a real hint of menace. One thing that the producers of Doctor Who have always known how to do is bring out a sense of danger from a man in a rubber suit.
The story is a mixed bag. On one hand it is genuinely suspenseful in some spots with a real feeling of peril from the titular cyborgs, and it is fun to see the Doctor and the other scientists try to work out the mysteries of the Cybermen’s control room before making their way to the tombs below. On the other hand, too many of the characters do way too many stupid things, like leaving guns lying around when they shouldn’t have thus allowing the villains to pick them up. Now characters in a drama are allowed to be dumb and make mistakes sometimes (God knows I do), but I don’t like it when the stupidity of the characters drives the drama itself. The acting is also mixed. Patrick Troughton puts in a good performance here, and most of the other actors are adequate as well. The best scene is the exchange between the Doctor and Victoria about their families. This is a nice quiet and touching scene, and the series could have used more like it. However, some of the other acting is not so good. Deborah Watling as Victoria screams a lot and stumbles over some of her lines (not to mention goes to sleep in the most unrealistic manner I have ever seen). And the “American” space captain sounds like he practiced his accent by watching Plan 9 From Outer Space.
The worst part of “Tomb of the Cybermen” for me though is the racism and sexism. You would think that the sixties being the Age of the Civil Rights Movement there would be more positive portrayals of non-whites and women on television, but I guess Britain was even further behind in this regard than America. Hell, they even continued with the unabashed racism and sexism into the seventies – just look at the Doctor Who serial “The Talons of Weng Chiang” (a serial I absolutely loathe, detest and despise by the way, and will never review on this blog because I never want to see it again as long as I live). The sexism in the Doctor Who of this time period is pretty self-evident: if a female character isn't a villain then she's completely useless and screams a lot... and remember, even hundreds of years in the future men will insist that women stay out of danger, being, you know, frail little girls and all. The racism from this period is pretty apparent as well. All of the heroes in “Tomb” are not only white but WASPS (White Anglo-Saxon Protestants) except Jamie (Scottish, but it almost counts as he’s still British) and technically the Doctor (Gallifreyan, but acts awfully English). All of the good-guy scientists are English while the rocket ship crew are all White Americans (with really, really bad “American” accents) of English descent. The villains are: a middle easterner, a German (I think? Klieg sounds like a German name but hell if I know what accent he’s speaking with), and a big & strong, dumb black dude. Yes, you heard me. A Big Scary Black Man who hardly speaks, has limited intelligence when he does and is slavishly loyal to his “mistress.” Progress!
One last thing that bugs me, then I’m done. Whenever anyone dies in this story (and people die, this is Doctor Who after all) everyone else just leaves them laying there. This is especially noticeable at the end of the last episode – I mean, I know it works for a dramatic shot, but come on. No funeral? No burial? Nothing? Wow... y’all are a great bunch of “friends.”
Okay, wow, I guess I lied when I said this would be a “mini-review.” I wrote too much, why does this always happen? Well, to sum up (then I’m done, promise): “Tomb of the Cybermen” is a good Doctor Who episode and worthy of your time but a few serious flaws (mostly stemming from the time in which it was made) keep it from being one of the all-time best Who stories. Still recommended.
Screenshots
Screenshots
"I think Victoria might find that dress impracticable if she's going to join us in our adventures.
Jamie, go find her a micro mini-skirt and some high-heeled go-go boots, would you?"
 |
| "And the bold British explorers brave the treacherous gravel quarry...." |
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| The Cybermen... really big on impressive looking logic controls, not so big on actual art. |
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| "I'm sorry, I'm mistaken. You're right, Sgt.Pepper's is TOTALLY the greatest album EVER." |
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| "All...your...base...are...belong...to us." |
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| "Shut up, knucklehead! I'll moidah yah!" |
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| "Heeeeere's Johnny!" |
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Hollywood Historical Hooey
Wow, I hope that this isn’t inauspicious. For my first mainstream Hollywood film to review for this blog I had to go and choose El Cid, which ended up being a disappointment, to say the least. This limp 1960s historical epic isn’t hideous by any means, it just did not live up to my expectations. Well anyway, here’s my first Hollywood review, and since I felt neither strong love nor burning hate for this movie it’s not gonna be a long one.
For once I think I agree on something with Charlton Heston – this movie is pretty lousy. Heston reportedly once said that El Cid would have been a better movie if William Wyler (the man who directed Heston in Ben-Hur) had made it instead of Anthony Mann. And you know, I think he’s right. This film is just mediocre. The acting is mediocre, the music is mediocre, the cinematography is mediocre, and the direction is just, well, mediocre. And this is a shame because the talent that went into this film should have made it much better than it was.
Charlton Heston, while not being the greatest actor ever, was a pretty good one (when he wanted to be). Here he is wooden and has zero chemistry with the female lead, Sophia Loren, who is even more wooden and looks like one of the living dead throughout the whole movie (on a side note, I know I’m about to commit Hollywood Blasphemy here, but I’ve never considered Loren to be that good looking. She’s always been trumpeted as one of the greatest beauties to grace the silver screen. I think she’s always looked rather… creepy). In fact, you know what I think Heston’s problem was? I think he honestly wasn’t good at the romantic stuff. I think he acted better opposite other men (an exception is The Three Musketeers but there the woman he interacts with is his employee and not his love interest). It’s not just this movie, either. In Ben-Hur the chemistry between him and Stephen Boyd is electric whether they are proclaiming their friendship or trying to kill each other, while the scenes between him and his love interest fall flat. In El Cid the most sparks come in the title character’s relations with one of the Emirs he saves earlier in the film. At a few points I honestly thought that Heston and Douglas Wilmer were going to start making out right there on film. Ah, the friendship between MEN! The other actors (it’s a cast of thousands!) are good character and bit actors but just go through the motions here.
Miklós Rózsa wrote one of the greatest film scores ever for Ben-Hur, and wrote many fantastic scores for many other great movies besides. Here he’s basically ripping off his Ben-Hur soundtrack but making it less memorable and more limp. In fact, I would call the film score for this movie Ben-Hur Lite. You know what I think happened? I think Rózsa blew his wad with the score for that 1959 classic and it took about a decade for him to get his creative juices flowing again, because just about every score of his from this period is Ben-Hur Lite (King of Kings along with this movie are the worst offenders).
The landscapes of Spain are gorgeous but aren’t really captured that well on camera most of the time. You can photograph the most beautiful thing in the world, but the picture won’t be good if the photographer sucks.
And last but not least, the direction for this clunker is some of the most flaccid I’ve ever seen. I don’t know that much about the director, Anthony Mann but I see by looking at his filmography that at the time he made this he was a respected director of Westerns. The man was supposed to have some talent, so whether he just couldn’t handle this type of movie, or was having a bad day (month? Year?), or just ended up being a middling director after all, it was disappointing to see such a movie with great potential but lifeless execution. El Cid is definitely less than the sum of its parts.
Actually, you know what? I spent more time writing on this than I said I would. Damn!
Well, if you actually read the monster paragraphs above then you basically know what my recommendation would be on this movie, but for the lazy amongst you – or those that want it beaten into your skulls – here is my advice: don’t waste your time on this movie. It’s not a good movie, but it’s also not bad enough to have fun with. It’s just a middling effort from Hollywood in an era that had exhausted the Historical Epic format (thank God David Lean would revive it just a few short years later with Lawrence of Arabia and Dr. Zhivago).
Theatrical Film, 1961
Director: Anthony Mann
The Story
Hollywood Historical Revisionism strikes again! It’s the Eleventh Century. Spain is torn in a war between the Christian Spaniards and the Moslem Moors. After being charged with treason for sparing the lives of some Moorish Emirs, Rodrigo Diaz de Vivar (Charlton Heston) kills his fiancée’s father in a duel over his father’s honor. Awk-ward! For some reason she now suddenly wants to kill him. Huh. For some reason he still loves her, even after she admits to hiring a rival suitor to ambush and kill him. Pft. The games those lovers play, eh? Anyway, after “proving” his innocence – ahh, I love medieval “justice” – in a jousting match (TO THE DEATH! Cue Star Trek music!) Don Rodrigo, or “El Cid” as he is now known marries the fiancée that still hates him – double AWK-WARD! – and becomes embroiled in petty sibling bickering after the King of Castile dies and wills his kingdom to his three children (when will monarchs learn that dividing their kingdom amongst their children will never work, especially when there’s three of them? You’d think they’d remember King Lear). To make a long (very long) story short, El Cid is exiled after a royal hissy fit, is reunited with his wife who suddenly decides that she loves him after all (haha, those silly women and their mood swings!) and fights to keep Spain from being invaded by a tyrannical North African despot. There are lots of battles, lots of blood, lots of tears and I really didn’t care that much because it was all very, very dull.
The Review
For once I think I agree on something with Charlton Heston – this movie is pretty lousy. Heston reportedly once said that El Cid would have been a better movie if William Wyler (the man who directed Heston in Ben-Hur) had made it instead of Anthony Mann. And you know, I think he’s right. This film is just mediocre. The acting is mediocre, the music is mediocre, the cinematography is mediocre, and the direction is just, well, mediocre. And this is a shame because the talent that went into this film should have made it much better than it was.
Charlton Heston, while not being the greatest actor ever, was a pretty good one (when he wanted to be). Here he is wooden and has zero chemistry with the female lead, Sophia Loren, who is even more wooden and looks like one of the living dead throughout the whole movie (on a side note, I know I’m about to commit Hollywood Blasphemy here, but I’ve never considered Loren to be that good looking. She’s always been trumpeted as one of the greatest beauties to grace the silver screen. I think she’s always looked rather… creepy). In fact, you know what I think Heston’s problem was? I think he honestly wasn’t good at the romantic stuff. I think he acted better opposite other men (an exception is The Three Musketeers but there the woman he interacts with is his employee and not his love interest). It’s not just this movie, either. In Ben-Hur the chemistry between him and Stephen Boyd is electric whether they are proclaiming their friendship or trying to kill each other, while the scenes between him and his love interest fall flat. In El Cid the most sparks come in the title character’s relations with one of the Emirs he saves earlier in the film. At a few points I honestly thought that Heston and Douglas Wilmer were going to start making out right there on film. Ah, the friendship between MEN! The other actors (it’s a cast of thousands!) are good character and bit actors but just go through the motions here.
Miklós Rózsa wrote one of the greatest film scores ever for Ben-Hur, and wrote many fantastic scores for many other great movies besides. Here he’s basically ripping off his Ben-Hur soundtrack but making it less memorable and more limp. In fact, I would call the film score for this movie Ben-Hur Lite. You know what I think happened? I think Rózsa blew his wad with the score for that 1959 classic and it took about a decade for him to get his creative juices flowing again, because just about every score of his from this period is Ben-Hur Lite (King of Kings along with this movie are the worst offenders).
The landscapes of Spain are gorgeous but aren’t really captured that well on camera most of the time. You can photograph the most beautiful thing in the world, but the picture won’t be good if the photographer sucks.
And last but not least, the direction for this clunker is some of the most flaccid I’ve ever seen. I don’t know that much about the director, Anthony Mann but I see by looking at his filmography that at the time he made this he was a respected director of Westerns. The man was supposed to have some talent, so whether he just couldn’t handle this type of movie, or was having a bad day (month? Year?), or just ended up being a middling director after all, it was disappointing to see such a movie with great potential but lifeless execution. El Cid is definitely less than the sum of its parts.
Actually, you know what? I spent more time writing on this than I said I would. Damn!
Well, if you actually read the monster paragraphs above then you basically know what my recommendation would be on this movie, but for the lazy amongst you – or those that want it beaten into your skulls – here is my advice: don’t waste your time on this movie. It’s not a good movie, but it’s also not bad enough to have fun with. It’s just a middling effort from Hollywood in an era that had exhausted the Historical Epic format (thank God David Lean would revive it just a few short years later with Lawrence of Arabia and Dr. Zhivago).
Screenshots
Even though this film is three hours long I’m not going to take up much space with pictures from it.
Next Week: Memories
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| Charlton Heston as El Cid. Note the wooden beaver-like expression. |
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| "I'll swallow your soul!" |
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| "Yeah, that's the stuff!" |
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| Come on, just go ahead and kiss, already! |
Obligatory Charlton Heston NRA joke:
"You can have my sword when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers!"
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| Snark free caption: Just a nice shot of the city of Valencia. |
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| "oh EEE oh, ee OOH oh..." |
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| "Follow the jeep! Follow the jeep to VICTORY!" |
Next Week: Memories
Site Change
Before I get to my next movie review, I wanted to post a change for the Pharonic Fantasy Theatre. Actually, two changes. First, starting with my next post, I will begin posting the title screen of the film/TV show/etc. being reviewed first off instead of a picture from movie/TV show/etc. itself. Second, I'm not including a DVD review anymore as a) I don't have the time to go through all the content on the discs I watch as I just got a new job (yay!) and that's sucking up a lot of time now and b)other, dedicated DVD review sites as well as Amazon do the job so much better. If there is a glaring flaw in a disc or something that I feel I need to warn people about, sure, I'll include a little blurb on it but I figure Amazon.com is a better place to review products. This is a blog on the content of the products.
Anyways, as I have said this applies to the next posting.
So please sit back, relax, and enjoy the new, more streamlined Pharonic Fantasy Theater!
Anyways, as I have said this applies to the next posting.
So please sit back, relax, and enjoy the new, more streamlined Pharonic Fantasy Theater!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The End Of The Line
Well, it finally had to happen. After more than a month I have to part ways with Herrs Herzog and Kinski and return to a world of sanity. This is the last movie, the last piece in the Kinski-Herzog Exhibition, the summation of all that has come before. This is
Werner Herzog reminisces about his old friend and sworn enemy, five-time collaborator Klaus Kinski. Joining him in his trips down memory lane are former cast and crewmates, the current owners of the flat where both Herzog and Kinski used to live, and the Indian chiefs who once offered to kill Kinski for the director. No, really.
It is fascinating sometimes to watch documentaries and see what they reveal about various subjects. And what they *don’t* reveal about them. And what they sometimes inadvertently reveal about them while loudly proclaiming something else. I say this because Werner Herzog’s documentary/nostalgic ode My Best Fiend, while purporting to reveal the true nature and demented genius of Klaus Kinski also reveals the true nature and insane brilliance of Herzog himself, even though he loudly stresses the opposite. It is also worth noting what you will not find in this film: you will not get a detailed biography of Kinski or a straight chronological tale of his time working with Herzog. What you get is basically a one hour and forty minute twisted love letter to the relationship between the two men. And it is very, very twisted. Watching this movie you will see the two fight and slander the other over and over again but you will also see them share tender interludes that seem more like the moments typically shared between lovers than between actors and directors. In fact, I got the sense watching My Best Fiend that had Herzog and Kinski been of different sexes that they probably would have been bonking each other in addition to working and fighting together.
As I have said this doc attempts to reveal to the world the “true” nature of Klaus Kinski, and for the most part I think that it succeeds, although I don’t know if I trust Herzog’s memory that much. Herzog portrays Kinski here as both a raving madman and a dedicated professional, idiotically cowardly and unexpectedly courageous, ruthlessly unfeeling and affectionately warm. Wow, you mean people are multifaceted and the world isn’t black or white? I never knew! Anyways, for all the alternating tales of terror (one of the most amusing moments in the entire movie: Kinski having a tantrum doing Fitzcarraldo and Herzog saying, “oh, that was one of his mild ones.”) and fuzziness (Eva Mattes seems to be especially fond of Klaus) that Herzog presents, the two defining and revealing moments for me are the very beginning and end of the movie itself. The end has the iconic imagery of Kinski playing with a butterfly who is completely unafraid of him. The other is the beginning where Kinski is doing one of his Jesus Monologues during the early seventies: “I am not the Jesus of the official Church… who the police, bankers, judges, hangmen, officers, church bosses, politicians, and other powerful people tolerate. I am not your Superstar!” Here I think though that Kinski is not delivering a monologue as Jesus but is actually describing himself through the metaphor of Jesus. True to Kinski’s statement I think that most people in power and even most Christians today would not appreciate Jesus if they truly got to know him. Jesus was an iconoclast, a challenger of social norms and did not endear himself to the populace at the time in which he lived. Similarly I think Kinski was making a statement about himself, that he would be the iconoclastic savior of the acting world, but that he would not bend over or play nice with those in power in the entertainment industry. He wouldn’t be their moldable “superstar” and be one of those highly paid, pleasant little actors with little talent selling out their craft to the suits and shelling out crap. In a way he’s very refreshing, I think. Too many film actors throughout the history of the medium (and especially today) have been bland cookie-cutter copies who just slum it to get massive amounts of bucks. Kinski with all of his tantrums and typhoon-level rages attempted to take filmmakers, kick them in the ass and challenge them to make good movies. And if the filmmakers were worth a shit they did the same thing to Kinski to draw out his talent and challenge him to give his best performances. Like Werner Herzog.
And the secret of Werner Herzog, boys and girls - one that I had suspected since watching Aguirre way back and was confirmed by watching this film – is this: Werner Herzog is crazier than Klaus Kinski ever was. He’s just a quieter kind of crazy. Don’t believe me? Watch his movies! Only Herzog would take a group of actors down to the Amazon and film them on the river in simple rafts using only one camera. Only Herzog would dump 50,000 rats on a Dutch town while filming there. Only Herzog would allow all the animal tossing and abuse in all of his movies. And only Herzog would take a boat and really drag it up a mountain. Still don’t believe me? Watch this movie. It will hit you like a sack of bricks attached to a screaming nuclear rocket. Herzog denies that he’s insane, insisting strenuously that he’s the very definition of sanity. Then the next words out of his mouth are “Oh, yeah, and then there was that time I tried to firebomb Klaus’ house.” I rolled on the floor laughing when he said that, then ran and hid under the bed for a couple of hours quaking. Werner Herzog is the craziest, scariest, most awesome film director who ever lived. There are directors that had more talent and made better movies, but Herzog eclipses them all with sheer badassery. Want another example? He was on an American news show once in LA when he was shot ON CAMERA. He simply said, “Oh it is only a small bullet,” dug the projectile out of his body and continued like nothing ever happened. The interviewer kept going on and on about how he had been shot and Herzog seemed to want to say “Yes, yes, you stupid little man, I have been shot, but it is not that big a deal, it is nothing to me, I AM WERNER HERZOG.” If I ever get the chance to meet the man I don’t know whether I’d be honored or scared shitless. Or start kowtowing before The Master.
Okay, I’ve been too long-winded. In a nutshell: if you have watched all of Herzog and Kinski’s works together then you should watch this film. It gives insight into both men and why they are two of the greatest to ever practice their craft.
Screenshots
The DVD
Okay, I want to know who Anchor Bay gets to do their translating and subtitling, because they suck. When I'm hearing "300 kilometers" in the German dialogue and am reading "300 miles" on the subtitle track it's time for someone to get fired. If you can't even be bothered to convert metric to imperial measurements properly we have a problem. In fact, why even bother converting? This isn't 1965, I have learned metric in school, thank you. Anyway, crappy subtitles aside this is a decent disc. No commentary track from Herzog this time but that's because this whole movie is basically a commentary track.
Next Week: I don't know. Something in English I think, because I've been watching foreign stuff for so long now I'm starting to hear Japanese and German in my sleep.
My Best Fiend
Theatrical Film, 1999
Director: Werner “The Very Example of Sanity” Herzog
The Story
Werner Herzog reminisces about his old friend and sworn enemy, five-time collaborator Klaus Kinski. Joining him in his trips down memory lane are former cast and crewmates, the current owners of the flat where both Herzog and Kinski used to live, and the Indian chiefs who once offered to kill Kinski for the director. No, really.
The Review
It is fascinating sometimes to watch documentaries and see what they reveal about various subjects. And what they *don’t* reveal about them. And what they sometimes inadvertently reveal about them while loudly proclaiming something else. I say this because Werner Herzog’s documentary/nostalgic ode My Best Fiend, while purporting to reveal the true nature and demented genius of Klaus Kinski also reveals the true nature and insane brilliance of Herzog himself, even though he loudly stresses the opposite. It is also worth noting what you will not find in this film: you will not get a detailed biography of Kinski or a straight chronological tale of his time working with Herzog. What you get is basically a one hour and forty minute twisted love letter to the relationship between the two men. And it is very, very twisted. Watching this movie you will see the two fight and slander the other over and over again but you will also see them share tender interludes that seem more like the moments typically shared between lovers than between actors and directors. In fact, I got the sense watching My Best Fiend that had Herzog and Kinski been of different sexes that they probably would have been bonking each other in addition to working and fighting together.
As I have said this doc attempts to reveal to the world the “true” nature of Klaus Kinski, and for the most part I think that it succeeds, although I don’t know if I trust Herzog’s memory that much. Herzog portrays Kinski here as both a raving madman and a dedicated professional, idiotically cowardly and unexpectedly courageous, ruthlessly unfeeling and affectionately warm. Wow, you mean people are multifaceted and the world isn’t black or white? I never knew! Anyways, for all the alternating tales of terror (one of the most amusing moments in the entire movie: Kinski having a tantrum doing Fitzcarraldo and Herzog saying, “oh, that was one of his mild ones.”) and fuzziness (Eva Mattes seems to be especially fond of Klaus) that Herzog presents, the two defining and revealing moments for me are the very beginning and end of the movie itself. The end has the iconic imagery of Kinski playing with a butterfly who is completely unafraid of him. The other is the beginning where Kinski is doing one of his Jesus Monologues during the early seventies: “I am not the Jesus of the official Church… who the police, bankers, judges, hangmen, officers, church bosses, politicians, and other powerful people tolerate. I am not your Superstar!” Here I think though that Kinski is not delivering a monologue as Jesus but is actually describing himself through the metaphor of Jesus. True to Kinski’s statement I think that most people in power and even most Christians today would not appreciate Jesus if they truly got to know him. Jesus was an iconoclast, a challenger of social norms and did not endear himself to the populace at the time in which he lived. Similarly I think Kinski was making a statement about himself, that he would be the iconoclastic savior of the acting world, but that he would not bend over or play nice with those in power in the entertainment industry. He wouldn’t be their moldable “superstar” and be one of those highly paid, pleasant little actors with little talent selling out their craft to the suits and shelling out crap. In a way he’s very refreshing, I think. Too many film actors throughout the history of the medium (and especially today) have been bland cookie-cutter copies who just slum it to get massive amounts of bucks. Kinski with all of his tantrums and typhoon-level rages attempted to take filmmakers, kick them in the ass and challenge them to make good movies. And if the filmmakers were worth a shit they did the same thing to Kinski to draw out his talent and challenge him to give his best performances. Like Werner Herzog.
And the secret of Werner Herzog, boys and girls - one that I had suspected since watching Aguirre way back and was confirmed by watching this film – is this: Werner Herzog is crazier than Klaus Kinski ever was. He’s just a quieter kind of crazy. Don’t believe me? Watch his movies! Only Herzog would take a group of actors down to the Amazon and film them on the river in simple rafts using only one camera. Only Herzog would dump 50,000 rats on a Dutch town while filming there. Only Herzog would allow all the animal tossing and abuse in all of his movies. And only Herzog would take a boat and really drag it up a mountain. Still don’t believe me? Watch this movie. It will hit you like a sack of bricks attached to a screaming nuclear rocket. Herzog denies that he’s insane, insisting strenuously that he’s the very definition of sanity. Then the next words out of his mouth are “Oh, yeah, and then there was that time I tried to firebomb Klaus’ house.” I rolled on the floor laughing when he said that, then ran and hid under the bed for a couple of hours quaking. Werner Herzog is the craziest, scariest, most awesome film director who ever lived. There are directors that had more talent and made better movies, but Herzog eclipses them all with sheer badassery. Want another example? He was on an American news show once in LA when he was shot ON CAMERA. He simply said, “Oh it is only a small bullet,” dug the projectile out of his body and continued like nothing ever happened. The interviewer kept going on and on about how he had been shot and Herzog seemed to want to say “Yes, yes, you stupid little man, I have been shot, but it is not that big a deal, it is nothing to me, I AM WERNER HERZOG.” If I ever get the chance to meet the man I don’t know whether I’d be honored or scared shitless. Or start kowtowing before The Master.
Okay, I’ve been too long-winded. In a nutshell: if you have watched all of Herzog and Kinski’s works together then you should watch this film. It gives insight into both men and why they are two of the greatest to ever practice their craft.
Screenshots
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| "I am not your Superstar!" |
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| The very face of sanity. In an insane asylum. |
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| Kinski bandages a wounded crewmember's hand. Aww. |
This is one of the few places where you'll see the footage of Jason Robards and ...Mick ...Jagger... in the original version of Fitzcarraldo. And, wow am I glad that it turned out differently. Seriously, what is this shit? These two aren't acting, they're goofing off in front of a camera. It's hard to believe that Herzog was actually going to make this.
 |
| Ahh, that's better. |
I think these two pictures sum up the Herzog/Kinski relationship perfectly.
The DVD
Okay, I want to know who Anchor Bay gets to do their translating and subtitling, because they suck. When I'm hearing "300 kilometers" in the German dialogue and am reading "300 miles" on the subtitle track it's time for someone to get fired. If you can't even be bothered to convert metric to imperial measurements properly we have a problem. In fact, why even bother converting? This isn't 1965, I have learned metric in school, thank you. Anyway, crappy subtitles aside this is a decent disc. No commentary track from Herzog this time but that's because this whole movie is basically a commentary track.
Next Week: I don't know. Something in English I think, because I've been watching foreign stuff for so long now I'm starting to hear Japanese and German in my sleep.
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