2010, The Year We... Got Slimed By BP And Groped By The TSA

Well, here we are at the end of the year.  Before we proceed into the next year I would like to reflect on 2010... both the year and the movie.  This is not just a gimmicky way to start a traditional movie review this time though... in fact this is not going to be a traditional movie review seeing as how I want to get a few things off my chest, both about the movie and how the actual year is different from the vision of the future presented by Arthur C. Clarke and the makers of the film based on his novel.  Let's talk about the movie first.

The Movie

(This little editorial will assume that you have seen the movie so a warning of SPOILERS AHOY!)

First, let me say what every movie reviewer since 1984 has said a million times: this film is not the same as nor is it as good as it's prequel, Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey.  Now let me say this: none of that matters.  2010 is a good movie in it's own right and a worthy sequel to one of the greatest films of all time.  Yes, this is a more conventional science fiction film than 2001 and it is not as ambitious, but you know what?  It's all the better for it.  If any filmmaker tries to make a sequel to 2001 in the same style as Kubrick they would have failed utterly and probably embarrassed the shit out of themself in the process.  Peter Hyams was wise not to even try to make a film like 2001 but instead just straight up adapt Arthur C. Clarke's novel (except for adding the whole subplot about the Cold War which wasn't in the original book.  I guess America needs even the possibility of something blowing up in it's sci-fi movies post Star Wars.  Thank you, George Lucas).

Almost everything about this movie is underrated.  The story is actually quite good, if again more conventional than 2001.  The acting is decent enough (and they actually got some real Russians to play some of the Soviet crew!  In the EIGHTIES!).  I quite enjoyed the music score (which employs the same "blaster beam" from Star Trek: The Motion Picture - another underrated film by the way).  And the special effects match if not exceed those of the original which is no surprise considering that 2010's Richard Edlund like 2001's  Douglas Trumbull is an FX God.

One thing that tickles me pink about 2010 is how faithful it tries to be to the original 2001 even if it doesn't try to match it in tone or execution.  The fact that the filmmakers were able to accurately reconstruct the USS Discovery even though Stanley Kubrick had the original sets and models destroyed right after making his magnum opus (he probably had nightmares of Roger Corman stealing them) is a testament to the dedication and love that the film crew had for both this film and it's predecessor.  Also the fact that they actually got Keir Dullea and Douglas Rain to reprise their roles as David Bowman and HAL.  Any other hack director would have said, "You know what, fuck it.  Get some look-alike actor and a cheap voice actor and let's make this puppy" but Peter Hyams knew that anything less than the originals wasn't going to do (he did recast the role of Heywood Floyd, though.  Oh well - Roy Scheider was more interesting in the role anyway).

You know what strikes me the most about this movie though?  How eerie it is.  I remember being creeped out by this movie as a kid (Yes!  Another movie from my childhood!  I was an odd tyke).  The scene where Heywood Floyd meets Dave Bowman, the imposing monolith, even the image of the sulfur covered Discovery tumbling in space over the volcanic hell-moon Io.  This was probably the first movie to give me an idea of the vast emptiness and... cosmic deepness of space, and how cold and dangerous and truly breathtaking it is (or probably is.  I've never been myself).  Yes, 2001 was realistic with it's physics and astronomy and stuff too but that was made before the Voyager probes were launched it it was more of a space ballet and freak-out set to classical music anyway.  2010 makes you feel that you are watching an actual space flight to Jupiter....

Rant

....which hasn't happened yet.  And probably never will.  Confession:  I cry when watching the opening bit of 2001: A Space Odyssey.  No, not the part with the monkeys, the part with the space planes and the space station and stuff.  The first reason I weep like a baby is Kubrick's gorgeous cinematic choreography and marriage of beautiful imagery with Strauss' Blue Danube.  The other reason is because none of this has come to pass.  When 2001 rolled around I was depressed because we weren't making regular trips to the moon or sending manned flights to Jupiter.  And you know what?  I get misty eyed while watching 2010 too.  Not just because of the beautiful ending but also because none of this has fucking happened.  Look, I'm glad we don't have the Soviet Union or the Cold War in the real 2010 (and actually having the US and USSR near DEFCON 1 status even in 1984 was a little bit of a stretch, considering that relations were thawing and Gorbechev was right around the corner).  And to our credit, if you told someone from 1984 that in 2010 we would have a black president they would probably be shocked.  Also on the plus side the San Fransisco Giants finally won a World Series.  No one could have predicted the modern internet back then either (although Clarke and Hyams did correspond via early email).  And where is Doctor Floyd's cell phone and flat-screen TV?  But look at all the stuff we still don't have.  True artificial intelligence in computers (although admittedly our PCs aren't trying to kill us, either.  OR ARE THEY?). A massive space program.  MANNED FLIGHTS TO JUPITER.  Or Jupiter turning into a star - although I don't know if we would actually want that to happen as the ensuing supernova would kill all life in the solar system with massive radiation (one small scientific fact the Clarke overlooked - normally he was spot on with his science).

The biggest thing that sticks in my craw though is the whole space program thing.  And the sad thing is that the future of 2001/2010 presented in 1984 when this movie came out was improbable even then.  You see, when 2001 was released in 1968 there was actually some optimism about the space program with sci-fi writers and many thought that we just might make it to Jupiter by 2001.  This was because NASA was progressing rapidly towards the moon landing and it could only go upward from there, right?  Unfortunately what the scientists and sci-fi writers and filmmakers didn't count on was politicians and human pettiness.  Or maybe they did.  The sad truth us that the United States was never in the Space Race for scientific knowledge or to advance humanity or anything like that - no, we were in it to beat the Russkies to the moon, to affirm our superiority over Communism.  Thus the Space RACE - and not a race to to the future of humanity either, just a race of pettiness between two superpowers who should have realized that having differing economic systems was not an adequate reason for pointing pants-shittingly frightening nuclear weapons at each other and competing with each other to see which one could get their rocket to the moon first in the ultimate game of "king of the hill."  Well, America won that race and after about, oh, say 1975 our manned space program went right down the toilet.  Oh, sure the Space Shuttle was a beacon of hope for a while - a reusable spacecraft! - and the ISS is a small step in the right direction but the shuttle fleet was used for way too long (and look at the tragic consequences of that) and the only way we can get to the International Space Station is to rely on the Russians (insert Edvard Munch scream here).  So here we are in 2010 with basically no US manned space program.  Oh, excuse me - for a while they were talking about going back to using capsules until they could think up something else... so we were effectively not just going to stop but go backward.  Maybe we could all start wearing love-beads and go-go boots again too.  The only thing left to NASA is basically the unmanned probes.  And even they would probably stop getting launched if the politicians got their way.  All of this really hurts too and should piss off more Americans - aren't we supposed to be a nation of progress, always being on the cutting edge of technology and leading the world in engineering and science?  I guess the answer nowadays is yes only if were talking about making consumer toys and learning new ways to blow people up - the average American doesn't care about scientific progress as long as they have their reality TV and internet porn (made possible, oddly enough by science) while politicians and the military (which completely drives the aerospace industry today) care about science and engineering only enough to have them help to develop weapons systems to the point where we can accomplish the feat of allowing one US Navy aircraft carrier to single-handedly waste a third-world country.  You know what?  The horrible realization that dawns on me is that America's (and let's be fair, Russia's too) manned space program was a sham to begin with - simply another extension of nationalism and global power politics.

I know that this makes me sound bitter and disillusioned, and maybe that's just a little bit true.  Only a little bit though.  Every astronaut who has gone into space automatically earns my respect (I couldn't do it).  Yuri Gagarin, John Glenn, Alexei Leonov, Neil Armstrong and countless other explorers are still timeless heroes in my eyes.  And the engineers and flight controllers who applied their brain power to some of the most baffling problems to ever face humanity (and smoked a lot of cigarettes and drank a lot of coffee in the process) get my admiration for what they achieved.  I just wish all their hard work and sacrifices had been for something that wasn't so... petty.

You now what my problem might be? I think maybe I'm naive.  Maybe I expected the human race to actually undertake massive projects and exploratory undertakings like the space program for reasons other than greed or politics or whatnought.  Maybe I expected humans to be more evolved than our ape ancestors and actually strive for something higher with a more altruistic and noble purpose.



Now I'm depressed.  Where's a Monolith when you really need one?

And You Thought I Was Going To Do A Christmas Movie....

Very short review today, because a) my computer is in the shop for repairs (I'm using another on loan) b) today's movie is a short film (only 30 minutes) and c) I don't want to dwell too long on this short... it's too tempting to over-analyze it when all I should do is just appreciate it as a series of moving images more akin to an animated Salvador Dali painting than a traditional anime movie (yes, today is more anime - yay!).  So, without further ado, here is today's review for

Cat Soup

Short Film, 2001

Director: Tatsuo Sato

Story (What Little There Is)

A small cat tries to save his big sister's soul from being taken to the afterlife after she dies but ends up tearing it in half after a tug-o-war match with Death.  Afterwards, he and his now-zombified sister go to the circus and do stuff.  Then there is a massive flood and they do more stuff.  Then they torture a pig and do more stuff.  And then they do more stuff.  As you can see his movie is light on actual plot, though not on weird shit.

Review

This has to be one of the oddest things to come out of Japan, and I know that's saying a lot.  This is the country that gave us mutant moths, schoolgirl-loving tentacle monsters and House.  As I remarked before at the beginning of this post this short film seems to be more influenced by surrealist painters more than other anime.  What makes it even more extraordinary is that this was directed by the same man who gave us Martian Successor Nadesico, which is about as different from this as Spartacus is from 2001: A Space Odyssey.  Bad comparisons aside this surreal stream-of-consciousness animated freak-out is ripe for over-analysis and hunting for meanings in the symbolism behind every weird image put up on screen, but I'll leave that to the High School English Teachers to discuss between joints in the teacher's lounge.  Personally I just love surreal imagery and someone doing something different for a change - and Cat Soup is definitely different.  Check it out.  If you love it, great.  If not, then hey, you only wasted half an hour of your time, right?

Screenshots

No attempts at funny captions today... I think the images speak for themselves.  Also, I had to restrain myself with the number of pictures... it's so easy to want to post 30 million pics up here since the visuals in Cat Soup are so fantastic (in both senses of the word).  I decided to save some surprises for the viewer and limit myself to three.  Hopefully this will inspire you to see this movie.

 

Raiding The (Not So) Divine Archive

There has been a very long delay between the last post and this one, I know.  Long story short, I'm going through computer issues right now so I'm not able to upload screenshots.  I'm still able to watch movies on my PC, but I have to do it using Media Player Classic, which is unable to capture pics at the correct aspect ratio.  Seeing as how I don't want to put warped pictures of movies up here (wait a minute, maybe I do...  maybe I do....) I figured that I could put off doing a real review for a while and do something different.  I have some time to spare; I'm working my way through the TV show Planetes right now and should be finished by the end of next week.  

Anyways, I thought I would do something amusing until I get this issue resolved and post two of my (short) old college film class papers online.  Now you can marvel at some of my earliest attempts at film criticism.  SEE!  The feeble attempts at serious analysis and criticism!  READ!  The dry and overly stilted academic language!  LAUGH!  At the fact that I was obviously watching The Prisoner for the first time while writing these and tried to find a way to work it into a college paper!

Seriously, I sincerely hope that I have progressed in my writing since I wrote these.  For those of you who are curious, these were written for a Chinese film history course, hence the Middle Kingdom motif.

Also, there are massive spoilers since I didn't have to worry about ruining the endings of the movies for the professor.

You have been warned.

 Raise the Red Lantern: A Film Review

Raise the Red Lantern, a film based on a story by Su Tong is a tale set in a wealthy Chinese household in the Nineteen-Twenties.  Specifically, it chronicles the arrival and subsequent experiences of Songlian, a young woman who has married the master of the family.  She is not the only “mistress” in the house though and shares the Master with three other concubines, each given her own house on the palace grounds.  The Red Lantern in the title refers to the lights put outside a concubine’s house when the Master sleeps there that night (and thus grants privileges to the denizen of that house).  The Mistresses are thus always trying to gain favor and the right to light the lanterns at their house.  The film deals with the relationships and politics between these four women and the tragic results.

The acting in this film is of high quality.  Actress Gong Li does a good job of portraying Songlian as progressing from an inexperienced newcomer to a vicious plotter who is on par with the other two rival concubines (the First Mistress is too old to be of importance).  The story offers a twist in that the one mistress who seems to be the nicest is in fact the most poisonous and vice versa (although it is not that surprising, at least not to an experienced or cynical viewer).  The only minor deficit to this film is that Director Yimou Zhang tends to linger a little too long in some shots on the scenery (which is beautiful though).  All of the shots in this film are static: there is no moving camera, no wipes and little to no zooming in or out.  Perhaps this was a way for the Director to portray the lack of change in the self-contained world of the Master’s House (the film takes place during a time of great change in China: ten years before this story starts the Qing Dynasty had been overthrown and a Republic set up).

The Household of Raise the Red Lantern is very traditional and patriarchal in nature (being a last vestige of the old customs of the wealthy upper-classes of China) the prime example being of course that the head of the family has concubines.  This is interesting in that nowhere in the film are the women referred to as “wives” even though they are “married” to the Master.  The Master (who’s face is never clearly seen)  is always called “the Master” as well, not “husband.”  This combined with the fact that the Mistresses have separate quarters implies that the relationship is more akin to slavery than marriage (at least marriage in the modern understanding of the word).

Much like “The Village” from the classic surreal television series The Prisoner the Master’s household is beautiful and pleasant on the surface but sinister underneath.  The concubines plot against and with each other while the servants assist in their scheming or perpetrate deviousness of their own.  The Third Mistress is even killed when it is discovered that she has had an extra-marital affair.  Thus it might be deduced that the “old family customs” of favoritism and rewards serves as indirect means of control of the women by having them quarrel amongst themselves (and thus keeping them occupied and not thinking about other things) while the harsh punishments (such as death to adulteresses and isolation to those that displease the Master) serve as very direct means of control.  The disturbing fact is that Songlian never eventually triumphs over the other Mistresses or even escapes from the place that she realizes is becoming more and more nightmarish.  She eventually goes insane after the death of the Third Mistress (which she was unwillingly responsible for).  Even more disturbing though is the ending which reveals that the Master has married yet again and that the process has started over.  The message then of the film is clear: Those who allow themselves to be manipulated and encouraged to fight amongst themselves will only be controlled and will experience death and misery.  

The Directing Style of Zhang Yimou

Zhang Yimou like most film directors has a distinct directing style that sets him apart from his peers.  This directing technique is unique in both its technical aspect and its content.  A study of two of his films, Red Sorghum and Raise the Red Lantern illustrates this.

Technically Zhang’s direction in both films is the same. He is very static with his shots: there is very little movement of the camera (i.e. there is no panning and no following or tracking of characters except in rare cases).  Also Zhang is fond of showing lengthy shots of scenery to set the mood and build tension.  In Red Lantern he does this to show the bleak state of the inside of the mansion and to foreshadow the suffering that will take place there.  In Red Sorghum there are extended shots of the sorghum fields to set the scene for the film and to build tension at the end right before the moment in the movie where the main protagonists attack a Japanese Army truck.

The main similarity in content and the most noticeable between Red Sorghum and Raise the Red Lantern is the heavy use of the color red.  Besides (obviously) being in both of the films’ titles, red is seen in vast quantities throughout both films.  The wine made from the sorghum in Red Sorghum is red (hence the title) and the sky at the end of the film (after the narrator’s grandmother and her companions have been brutally slaughtered by the Japanese) turns red during a solar eclipse.  The lanterns in Raise the Red Lantern are red (also seen in the title) and red light always bathes the house of the mistress chosen to sleep with the Master that night.  Red in both of these films can thus be seen as symbolizing communism (red has always been a symbol for communism).  Red Sorghum conveys a positive attitude towards communism, portraying it as the main element in the struggle against the Japanese occupation of the Nineteen Thirties and Forties. The narrator’s grandfather “sees red” after the day in which his friends and loved ones are killed by the Japanese.  A main character (the old foreman) is shown as being a suspected communist and being flayed alive.  In Raise the Red Lantern communism is hinted at as a way of controlling people with promises of comforts and dividing the people against each other while dealing out harsh punishments to those who transgress the laws (like the Third Mistress). Zhang’s view of the Communist Party then seems to have changed between the two films (Red Sorghum was released before Raise the Red Lantern).

There is also a tendency for Zhang to avoid showing the masters of households.  In Red Lantern the Master is never shown directly (i.e. there is no clear shot of his face). Likewise the old leper Master of the winery in Red Sorghum is never shown at all in the short time that he is a character in that film.  This might symbolize the remoteness and impersonal nature of the leadership in China.

The central message of both films seems to be that when human beings come together and stand against with each other they can stand against anything and achieve something no matter how small and futile-seeming.  Most of the wine workers at the end of Red Sorghum die in their assault of the Japanese Army truck but they showed that they refused to be dominated by the Japanese and that they would avenge the death of their brothers.  However, the concubines that are divided against each other at the end of Red Lantern only bring pain upon each other and will continue to do so under the arcane rules and oversight of the Master. They have achieved nothing but a petty meaningless existence.

Well, How Did I Get Here?

Before I get to my next movie review, a short notice.  Due to the fact that I work retail and the Christmas shopping season is here (Black Friday is next week!  Yay!) I may not get to work on this blog as much as I’d like.  I will still watch and review stuff, but at a slower pace (no more 9-posts-per-month stuff) and more irregularly (meaning no more updating every week on Saturday like clockwork).  With that being said, let’s get to this week’s movie and

Theatrical Film, 1984

Director: Jonathan Demme

The Story

All of the mental patients in a state asylum seem to be sharing the same dream.  They all dream that they are mythic warriors in a fantasy kingdom chosen to do battle with the forces of darkness.  However – when they sleep in that world, they all dream that they are patients in an insane asylum.  Are all of these people insane?  Does it have to do with the drugs that they’re given by the doctors?  Or are they being attacked mentally by the evil sorcerer K’rush, who –

Nah, I’m just messing with you.  This is a concert movie of the band Talking Heads.

And the people in this movie aren’t insane.  Just on a lot of drugs.

Review

Talking Heads are one of my favorite rock bands.  In fact, I’ve been a Talking Heads fan since I was two years old, when my favorite song was “Psycho Killer.”  So there you go.  That explains a lot about me, doesn’t it?  I have grown up with this movie, or more accurately with the soundtrack of this movie – my parents had it on LP.  I used to own the first CD edition of it but got the expanded version a while back.  In fact, if they released a Super-Duper-Deluxo-Collector’s Edition where the only addition was an audio outtake of David Byrne farting on stage I’d probably buy that too.  I didn’t get the chance to see the actual movie until a few years ago when I found it on VHS (it had been out-of-print for a while by then, so it was a major find for me).  When the DVD came out I had to get that too.

Why?  Simple.  Stop Making Sense is my favorite concert movie.  There’s no bullshit here.  No audience reaction shots (at least until the very end).  No interviews backstage.  No fan interviews.  No flashy camerawork.  No cutaway sequences.  Just music.  Glorious, glorious music.  And one crappy song.  But more on that later.

I’m not going to over-analyze this movie, oddly enough.  Other people have done that.  If you wonder why David Byrne wiggles around on the stage the way he does or why the stagehands all wear black or why all the bandmembers come out one at a time or whatever, just do some research on the internet.  Or you can listen to the audio commentary on the DVD, I believe some of these questions are answered there… I don’t know for sure though as I have never listened to the commentary all the way through – I always switched back to the music.

This is the greatest concert movie ever, with some of the greatest rock music ever.  In fact, I don’t even think you could call this rock, since there are so many genres of music blended into this magnum opus.  Frontman David Byrne is a genius.  That word is thrown around way too much, but here it’s true.  He’s crazy and on drugs (in this movie at least) but the man is a genius.  In fact, I got the chance to see him on tour last year and he is just as awesome today as he was when he fronting the Heads.  The only time I have ever danced in public was at that concert (and I made a complete fool of myself as I tend to dance like a spastic idiot.  Oh well, I still had fun!)  If you ever get a chance to see him live do not pass it up.  Part of what makes this movie work though is not only the genius of the band (and the man fronting it) but the genius of the director as well.  Jonathan Demme knows how to use a camera in a rock concert.  He doesn’t get flashy or show off… he simply shows you what’s on stage.  This shows remarkable restraint and the movie is so much better for it.

The one down moment in Stop Making Sense though is the one song done by the side project of band members Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth, The Tom Tom Club.  “Genius of Love” sucks.  And not just because of the song itself (which I have never liked) – It’s because it completely messes up the flow of the whole movie.  Before you’re grooving along to the music of Talking Heads and the subdued staging and the flow of it all and then suddenly you’re confronted with the hideous, hideous embarrassing vocal stylings of goofball doofus Chris Frantz and the over-the-top use of STROBE LIGHTS which jolts you right out of the movie and into pissed-off land.  In fact, speaking of the strobe lights, here’s an announcement I am compelled to make in complete seriousness (this is not a joke):

WARNING:  If you have epilepsy or are prone to epilepsy DO NOT watch “Genius of Love.”  The strobe lights used in this sequence will probably induce seizures and cause possible death. 

I found it extremely uncomfortable and I am not prone to epilepsy whatsoever.  In fact, you should probably skip this song altogether as it brings the movie to a grinding halt.

…Which luckily picks up again the moment David Byrne comes onstage again in his infamous Big Suit to sing “Girlfriend is Better.”  And the concert stays awesome ‘till the end.  Yay!

If I haven’t yet made it clear, see this movie.  It is the greatest rock concert movie ever.  Just skip “Genius of Love.”  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go dance spastically to the soundtrack again.

Screenshots

Note:  Merely looking at these screenshots is not enough to gauge this movie as it is a concert film, after all.  To get the best experience, get a copy of the soundtrack album or find some sound clips of the album on the internet and listen while looking at these pics.  You can call it "Stop Making Sense, the Mini-Experience."

Our frontman, David Byrne, looking like something out of a horror movie.  Creepy!

 

Even creepier, though:  bassist Tina Weymouth.  I don't know whether she is stoned throughout the entire concert or whether she's just really focused, but Ms. Tina just looks intense and only cracks a smile twice in the entire movie.  This is odd as everyone else looks like they're really getting into it and having a lot of fun.

Only this movie could make dancing with a lamp look completely natural.

Just an artsy pretentious shot from an artsy pretentious rock movie.

....I want ...a Big Suit....

A cool moment:  during "Girlfriend is Better" Byrne briefly offers the mike to one of the crew...

...then to you, the viewer!  Isn't that awesome?

I guess David is a big Linux fan.

Next Week:  I don't know.  I don't know anymore.  My life is so full of uncertainty!  I can't handle it anymore!!  I think I'm going to – hey!  Thanksgiving is right around the corner!  Alright!  PIG OUT!!

(Consumes mass quantities.  Sleeps in turkey-induced coma for a week)

This Week: Enlightenment For The Masses (Yes, I Am A Giant, Pretentious Prick)

Instead of doing a movie review today, I thought I’d do something a little different.  My gloating in my last post about how I beat the Amazon Scalper Douchebags and got Dominion for 3 bucks got me to thinking how I should help others get the same kind of satisfaction that I did.  Why be an ass and keep the happiness to myself?  So today I present

7 Rules For Picking Up DVDs On The Cheap

-or, How To Get Movies Without Being Totally Screwed-

I have never believed in having to pay full price for a DVD.  Even back when I wasn’t dead broke I never liked paying retail for any disc, used or new.  Now that I do have almost no money, paying as little as possible is vital and goes a long way – especially with bills to pay.  Whatever your reason for wanting to save on movie watching (like you need a reason), here are some rules to follow to ensure that you aren’t screwed by the retailers (for new discs) or greedy second-hand sellers (used).



1.  Never Pay More Than $15 For A Single Disc

If the disc is used, lower that number down to 10.  If you’re broke like me, lower it down to 5.  If the disc is hideously rare and out-of-print and/or gives off the Light of God then raise the number to 20.  If you’re dealing with boxsets, divide the price by the number of discs to determine the price of each single disc.  This is a general rule I have always followed.  Anything more than 15 dollars for a new single DVD is too much, especially if it doesn’t have any special features.  In fact, if a DVD has no special features at all and it’s new then you probably shouldn’t be paying more than 10 bucks.  No normal used disc is worth more than 10 bucks – don’t ever pay any more than this.  A disc that is out of print and rare however, is a special case.  In this case you may have to pay up to 20 dollars, 25 at the absolute maximum but no more than that.  I don’t care how rare it is, no DVD is worth over 25 dollars.  There is an exception to this rule though, and that is if you really, *really* want it more than anything in the whole world, which brings us to the next rule, which is….


2.  Make Sure You Really Want What You’re Buying

If you have money and you can afford to buy any disc you want, you might be able to pass this rule by but I would still advise that you follow it.  Yes, picking something up in the bargain bin on a whim is fun and sometimes you can find a real gem, but sometimes you end up with utter crap too.  For someone with little money this rule is vital.  You don’t want to squander what little cash you have on something that is complete garbage.  And if you have a lot of money, you still want to save it – you never know when you're going to run out of cash and frugality is always a good thing.  So only pick up stuff you know you want.  If you think you may be interested in a movie you haven’t seen before, do a little research.  Look up the movie on Wikipedia or IMDB.  Read some online reviews.  Talk to your friends.  Just be wary though, because sometimes reviewers can hype something to death and it will still suck.  The best way to research a movie is to see if you can watch some clips from it – Youtube in particular is your best friend.


3.  Prepare To Buy Used

This one is especially for those with a tiny budget or who want something that is out-of-print.  Be prepared to not be able to get that nice, new shiny boxset that you covet.  You’ll probably have to get it used.  Video rental places like Blockbuster sometimes have used DVDs for sale, but be wary as they are former rentals – pick up discs only if they are rare or normally very expensive.  You can check your local Goodwill or thrift shop, but the discs found at these places are normally garbage, both in terms of movie quality and condition.  Sometime you can find a gem though, so don’t completely rule it out.  The best place for used DVDs though may be the used bookstore, if they carry movies – you can find some great deals, especially as some used bookstore owners price used DVDs really cheap since they don’t know that much about them – this is how I picked up my copy of Macross Plus for 3 dollars.  Be prepared to have your purchase a little banged up though – this is used stuff were talking about.  The aforementioned Macross Plus boxset was definitely not in new shape when I bought it, but it wasn’t completely BTS and it was THREE BUCKS.  And this brings me to my last point – don’t overpay for something that has had the snot beaten out of it, no matter how desperate you are.  If a boxset normally costs $50 and the used copy is 25 but looks like it’s been in the ring with Muhammed Ali for a few rounds, pass it by.  It’s at only half the retail but with four times the damage.  It’s too much.


4.  For New Discs, Use Discounts

If you can afford to buy new discs, you still shouldn’t pay full retail – it will save you money in the long run.  Besides, it’s good to know that you saved bigtime on that movie you wanted – makes you feel like you’ve BEATEN THE MAN!  But seriously, if you shop at any of the big retailers a lot – and I cannot believe I am about to say this, I feel like a corporate whore – pick up their discount cards. It will save you some money, especially if they offer coupons.  Be wary though, as sometimes they will play with you.  Borders, for example offers 30 and 40% off coupons to members but sometimes this only applies IN STORE.  This sucks because Borders doesn’t carry that many movies that are actually worth a crap in their store any more.  They started reducing their movie and music sections a while back, and now most of the good stuff is online.


5.  Watch For Sales 

Be vigilant.  Check places often because sometimes sales come and go very quickly.  This is how I got my copies of Dominion and New Dominion.  MovieStop had a 40% Off Used Anime sale for the month of October, and while I don’t like going to MovieStop – they’re owned by the same people who run GameStop, and I hate that store – I couldn’t pass on the opportunity.  Barnes & Noble semi-regularly has a Half-Off Criterion Collection Sale.  Do not pass on this.  This is the only time I will buy Criterion discs – they’re normally very, very expensive – and this is a great opportunity to pick up some great films, as Criterion releases some of the greatest films of all time from directors like Kurosawa and Hitchcock (they release some real garbage sometimes though – a note to Criterion: just because something is European does not make it art – or even “culturally relevant”).  The only reason I was able to get and enjoy Videodrome was because of the Criterion Sale.


6.  Have Patience!

You don’t have to have that ultra-rare copy of Captain Harlock Vs. The Evil Dead right NOW! NOW! NOW!!  If you wait for a little while a great deal can come to you.  Again, this is how I picked up Dominion.  I had wanted it for a while, but the Amazon Scalpers (argh!) wanted too much for it.  Back then they wanted 35 dollars, which is better than the 75 bucks later on but still too much for a single disc to me (See Rule #1).  Well, I waited and later picked it up for three dollars.  So just control your urge and resist picking up that movie you want – you may find it later on for a better price.  Good things come to those who wait.


7.  – But Not Too Much

Sometimes though it does pay to pick something up now – but only if you are 99% sure that the price of the disc you are holding in your hands is going to skyrocket to unbuyable prices soon.  Just be very careful.  You don’t want to overpay for something you might get later for less.   You also don't want to leave something rare that you want up on a shelf for too long or someone else might snatch it.  If you see something that’s in good shape for a reasonable price and you really, really want it then go ahead.  Yes, you might find it for dirt cheap later on and in better shape, but then again you may not.  And besides, you can always pick it up and have another copy to sell.  Or build a shrine to.  Or dress in your old clothes and pretend it’s a real person, a real friend that can spend time with you since no one else will *sob.*  Sorry.  Anyways, just be rational and balance things in your head and you will be just fine.

Well, there are my "7 Rules For Picking Up DVDs On The Cheap".  Hopefully they can make your wallet happier and keep you from getting screwed while looking for movies to watch.  These rules can actually apply to anything though, including music, books, musical instruments, anything.  And a lot of these are common sense, really.  But I thought I would share them anyway seeing as how sometimes we can forget common sense when pursuing our favorite hobby or activity.  I, for example completely lose all objectivity when engaging in my hobby of playing bass guitar and singing Wagnerian opera in the nude.

With that lovely thought now stuck in your head, thank you and good night.

Double Anime Deluxe With Extra Relish

This week on PFT – a double review!  TWICE the shows!  TWICE the pictures!  TWICE the bloated, over-analytical bullshit!  So join me for this first Super Review as I review the gruesome twosome of

OVA, 1988

Directors: Koichi Mashimo, Takaki Ishiyama

 -and-

OVA, 1993

Director: Noboru Furuse

The Story

Dominion – In the FUTURE Japanese metropolis of Newport City, the bacterial smog is deadly and the criminals are even deadlier.  So deadly, in fact, that the police need tanks in order to deal with them effectively.  New Tank Police recruit Leona Ozaki has not had a good first day:  on her first patrol she wrecked her squad leader Brenten’s custom tank and is doomed to be transferred to the Child Welfare department as punishment.  Out of the ashes of the former tank though a new, smaller one emerges… Leona builds a mini-tank from the wreck of her boss’s former mount and names it Bonaparte.  Can Leona prove herself and Bonaparte in action against the notorious and dangerous android criminal trio of Buaku and the Puma Sisters or will she be exiled to a desk forever?  And why is Buaku and his gang breaking into a hospital… for healthy people?!

New Dominion – Leona is still in the Tank Police (what, did you seriously think she would be transferred?) and still terrorizing the city as much as the criminals.  When her former partner from the Motorcycle division is killed however a new threat emerges in the form of the Dai Nippon Giken Corporation, who is developing a weapon that might spell doom for the Tank Police and the city…

The Review

“Gahh!”  I know you’re saying.  “More anime?  I can’t stand it!  Why do you watch so much Japanese animation all the time?!”  At least that’s what I know “you’re” saying in my delusional little mind, because I’m about 99% sure that only about three people read this blog, including myself (yes, I read my own blog.  It doesn’t mean I’m mad or anything… All work and no play….).  Anyways, there’s more anime this week for a few important reasons.  A) Anime is good for you, so stop complaining.  It’s got all of the good vitamins, minerals and fanservice that you need for a balanced diet.  B) Anime is more addictive than crack and C) I just bought and watched these OVAs for the first time.  Yes, I just bought these.  For cheap, too.  Anyone who knows about Dominion will know that this is incredible seeing as how both of these are out of print and currently very expensive online.  Right now the minimum used price on Amazon for these is at about $75 each.  I had wanted to see the original OVA as I had read and enjoyed the manga but didn’t want to pay some (censored) on Amazon three-quarters of a hundred bucks for it.  Well, I found this the other day while browsing at my local video store:

And it wasn’t even that much because they had a 40% off sale!  So, to sum up:  original retail price $25, Amazon used price $75, I paid $3.  Suck on that, Amazon scalper assholes!  New Dominion was only a little more expensive (with the sale I ended up getting it for 6 bucks), but still better than paying Amazon Douchebag Price.






Well, anyways, I took these home and watched them and really enjoyed them (well, I really, really liked the first one – I didn’t enjoy New Dominion as much, but still liked the fact that I was able to try it out without breaking the bank) so I thought I’d review them.



Dominion is a classic OVA, and one of the best from the 80s.  The animation is dated and the music is sort of bland (and really dated) but damn it, this thing is so much fun.  And it’s really funny to boot.  As in, riotously hilarious.  There are a ton of great gags in this anime and I had to resist the urge to include them in the screenshots section because that would completely ruin them for you when they come up while you watch this show (and you will watch it, right?).  However, being based on a Shirow Masamune comic, you’re going to get philosophy mixed in with the funny, and here Dominion delivers as well.  The opening of the first episode was one of the best debates on the use of force by the police that I have ever seen – and this is in a cartoon where the cops use tanks.  There’s no moral simplicity either – both sides are seen as having valid arguments, something I think is sorely missing when the media tackles subjects like these nowadays.  We also get hilarious and yet at the same time downright disturbing criminal interrogation scenes in this anime.  This is especially relevant today given the debate in the US over how to treat suspected terrorists and the like, with some being morally horrified at torture and some believing it’s the right way to conduct interrogations.  Personally I found the interrogation scenes in Dominion to be both uncomfortably upsetting and laughingly amusing at the same time, in addition to being completely over-the-top (like a lot of the stuff in this anime).  I never thought I would be laughing so hard as well as cringing at the sight of a criminal interrogation where the prisoner has a grenade stuffed in his mouth with the pin attached through a piece of string to an unstable bucket of water – with the cops taking turns trying to tip the bucket over via a game of mini-golf.  Congratulations, Dominion!  This being a Shirow-derived anime you’re also going to get ruminations on ecology and artificial intelligence – this time all in one!  Don’t worry though: this anime isn’t ultra-heavy or dense like Ghost in the Shell.  Speaking of which, next time you read that manga, keep an eye out for a cameo from the Puma Twins having a run in with a Fuchikoma.  It’s hilarious! 

New Dominion is not as good, simply because of the fact that it’s not as funny or distinctive.  It is probably a little closer in tone to (and includes more characters from) the manga  and is still funny in spots but overall it just felt… bland to me.  Also, it felt a little clichéd.  All of the standard Cop Show Tropes are here:  the murdered Former Partner, the Resignation, the Three-Minute Investigation…. About the only thing this Cop Show has that the others don’t is a pair of screaming cat girls strapped to the front of a tank.  Yes, really.  And on a personal note, if I see another Evil-Murdering-Weapons-Manufacturing-Corporation in another anime I’m going to scream.  I didn’t like it in the Patlabor TV Series, I was sick of it by Bubblegum Crisis and I was really tired of it here.  Note to anime directors: when I start comparing your show to Bubblegum Crisis you know you’re in trouble.  Look, I’m not Mr. Capitalist but honestly – how many of these can you have in anime?  Do the Japanese – who are probably the most-corporate minded people on Earth, slightly ahead of Americans – really think that arms manufacturers are going to go around industrialized populated cities testing out their latest weapons when they have the third world to do it in?  Also, the plot to kill the mayor (who is more sympathetic and rounded than the original’s by the way – something I enjoyed) in this show put it over the edge in believability for me (and this in a world where cops drive tanks through toxic smog).  Corporations do not plot to literally kill political figures in modern democracies; they use personal assassination instead – sex scandals, compromising photographs, etc.  And if they can’t dig something up they’ll just make something up or, just throw money at your enemies until you fall down and go splort in a pool of mud.  At least that’s the way it works in American politics, I don’t know about the politics of Future Japan.  Outright murder though would bring WAY too much attention to a corporation and result in HUGE cash losses and possible shutdown, so they wouldn’t take this option.  Not because it’s immoral but because it’s too risky.  In underdeveloped nations however….

One misconception that people have about Dominion going into it is that it is a standalone OVA.  They always complain at the ending because it “doesn’t have a proper ending.”  They think that more episodes must have been planned but were axed and that Dominion is an incomplete OVA.    Well, no.  In order to get the rest of the story, you have to read the manga, because that continues the storyline.  Or, more accurately, the Dominion OVA is a prequel to the manga, since the manga came out first.  New Dominion is a sequel of sorts, seeing as how Buaku is no longer around and the villains are different – some people are often confused on this as well.  And this is one of the things that I like about both Dominion OVAs, namely that instead of just doing the standard anime thing and straight up adapting the manga into an animated form they flesh out the manga and become a supplement to the comic.  We see in the OVA, for instance how Leona joined the Tank Police and “met” Bonaparte and the villains – the manga dives right into the action and shows Leona chasing Buaku in her mini-tank right off the bat.   Speaking of Buaku, the portrayal of the villains in both OVAs is a little different than the original manga.  Buaku is shown as much more competent in the graphic novel and usually gets the upper hand on the police instead of the other way around like in the anime.  Maybe he learned a thing or two and got smarter between the two.  Also, the android cat girl twins Anna and Uni Puma are far, far more dangerous and vicious in the manga then they are in the anime.  I mean, they do have some comic moments in the comic (hey!) and they’re still ditzy but overall they’re just nastier and even brutal.  The anime (especially New Dominion) makes them funnier and a little more sympathetic.  Maybe this is just a set up to the sequel manga Dominion Conflict: No More Noise, though, because there Shirow portrays the twins as... cute? and has them join the tank police (!) and get into all sort of comic mischief. 

Anyways, in conclusion:  see Dominion!  But you can probably give New Dominion a miss, it’s not as interesting.  And for Bonaparte’s sake, read the manga!  In addition to being really good it will continue the storyline you just saw in the anime and give you a real ending.  Then read the Dominion Conflict manga, which is less cerebral but more funny than the original.  It's a hoot! 

Screenshots 

Dominion

 Our heroine Leona Ozaki.  Any resemblance to another redheaded 

Japanese police officer with a mecha fetish is entirely coincidental.

What is wrong with this picture?

What is wrong with this picture?

The architecture of Newport City is very... fungal.

Dick Cheney would be proud.

Our villains.  Maybe they just saw House.

To the Brentenmobile!

It must be karaoke night down at the police station again.

Yes.  Yes.

"Buaku, you idiot!... this is the last time I let you give me racing tips!"

New Dominion

The buildings in New Dominion are less... mushroom-y.

Leona and Bonaparte on patrol.  Bad boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

The Chief of the Tank Police.  This is pretty much his default expression.

Mayor Weatherbea.  Her pained expression is probably the result of the Tank Police.

 Al, Leona and the Puma Sisters take time out from playing 

cops and robbers to play a game of Twister instead.

Only in Japan.

"Why, yes, I AM an evil corporate executive.  How could you tell?"

 Miss Beechum the secretary.  I think it's creepy how she's supposed to have a crush on Al, 

considering she looks like she could be his sister and all.

What inevitably follows the Tank Police everywhere they go.

Puma Sister Hood Ornaments.  What, did you think I was lying?

Next Week: Another very special posting, because I love you.

Obligatory Halloween Movie Post

Holiday movies normally suck, and the reason for this is that holiday movies often have to have a genre of films made up just for them:  the Christmas movie, the Thanksgiving movie and so on.  Also, you can only really watch them one time of the year.  Who wants to watch a Christmas movie in July?

But Halloween is different.  Halloween has a genre of movies that can be watched year-round and is not necessarily slaved to the holiday:  the horror movie.  Unfortunately, despite this Halloween can also suck movie-wise because all of the TV channels and video stores hawk the same shit year after year.  Some horror movies watched every year by the masses on Halloween are true classics; others are pure drivel.  But I get tired of watching even the good ones over and over again so this year for Halloween I thought I would share three good horror movies that aren’t replayed to death.  In fact, some of these are pretty out-of-the-way and, dare I say, cult.

Here they are.  Enjoy.

Matango (1963) – A rich business man, a movie star, a professor and his student along with the ship’s captain and first mate are sailing a yacht on a pleasure cruise when they are swept in a colossal storm that leaves them stranded on a deserted island somewhere in the Pacific.  Sound familiar?  Except that instead of being a crappy sitcom this is a psychological horror movie where the castaways start going for each other’s throats as their mini-society devolves and they find mysterious mushrooms that are both mind and body altering.  This is Godzilla director Ishiro Honda’s favorite of his movies, and it’s one of mine, too. 

Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter (1974) – Not all vampires attack the same.  In a nineteenth century European village young girls are being found dead as wrinkled old crones, having been aged to death by something unknown.  The wandering titular vampire hunter is summoned by his doctor friend to find and slay the undead threat.  This is one of Hammer Horror’s last movies, and one of their most fun.  Where else can you see a katana-swinging Napoleonic vampire hunter with a hunchback professor sidekick slay evil beasts and bed Caroline Munro? 

The Fog (1980) – A small Pacific seaside town is celebrating its anniversary when a mysterious fog rolls in.  One by one people start dying and the local priest has a suspicion of why:  the town harbors a shameful secret, a secret that may spell death and disaster for many innocent people.  This is one of John Carpenter’s most underrated works.  It isn’t one of his best, but it is a good, spooky little film that manages to genuinely creep you out a few times.  It also actually makes ghost pirates seem like a scary idea and not a joke.

So there you go... three non-standard good horror movies for your Halloween viewing pleasure.  Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go eat candy and drink cider until I throw up.

The Best Japanese-Schoolgirls-In-A-Haunted-Hausu Movie *EVER*

Okay, this is gonna be (yet) another short review, if only because I watched this movie a few days ago and I still haven’t completely digested it yet.  House has been all over the movie and DVD sites lately, as it was just released by Criterion as well as the fact that it's touring the country as a roadshow movie.  I wanted to see this in the theatre but didn’t get the chance, for a variety of reasons.  So I ended up having to settle for watching… ugh… El Cid at home instead.  Yuck.  Anyway,  I picked up the Criterion DVD and gave it a whirl, and WOW.  Definitely better than El Cid… I’m sorry I missed this in the theatre.  Oh well, I have it to watch whenever I want and besides, it might make a better DVD movie anyway.  Well, anyways, here’s one more review of House to join all the hundreds of others hitting the net right now.  This might not be the best review of this movie or the most coherent considering – as I have said – I still haven’t completely come to grips with the film yet.

Theatrical Film, 1977

Director: Nobuhiko Obayashi

The Story

Gorgeous is in a tizzy because her father plans to remarry.  So she does what any other sane person would do: she invites her six friends Sweet, Fantasy, Mac, Kung Fu, Melody and Prof (no, really) to come with her to visit her aunt that she’s met only once at her house in the country.  No, really.  There the girls meet the mysterious Auntie and her cat, Blanche.  Oh, and start getting eaten by the house one by one.  No, really.

The Review

People often say that this movie was made by people on drugs.  I don’t think so.  Drugs are massively illegal in Japan and the drug laws are super-draconian there.  So I don’t think the people were on drugs because they would have been busted and sent to jail for fifty years.  Hell, the whole crew for this movie was probably questioned by the police after it came out.  So, no, the crew wasn’t on drugs.  The movie is on drugs.  A lot of drugs.  A lot.  Of.  Drugs.  But not the people.  Paradoxically enough.

In a way this movie reminded me of Forbidden Zone while I watched it.  That movie is also on drugs.  That movie is on crack.  House, on the other hand, is on speed. 

…and crack. 

And acid.  And ecstasy.  And glue. 

About the only drug I can think of that this is NOT on is weed.  Because weed is mellow.  Weed is laid-back.  This movie is not laid-back.  This movie is The Shining a la The Young Ones.  This movie is…

Okay, take all of the drugs I just mentioned, mix them up in a giant pot and snort them off of the nearest cat* – if you have one great if not a neighbor's – then have a staring contest with the cat.  The resulting high you will be on is what this movie is.  This is probably the most whacked-out, trippiest movie I have ever seen.

And I love it.

I can see why House is so popular with all of the cult and art-house moviegoers right now.  It is different.  It is unique.  And it is fun.  There is no other movie like it.  I know I tried vainly to describe it before as a combination of a certain Kubrick horror film and an early eighties UK punk comedy show, but that really doesn’t do this film justice.  So many film and camera techniques are used in House that it’s insane.  This was director Obayashi’s first feature film and it shows.  I think that he was experimenting with every film trick known to man just to see how they worked and how to do them.  I also think he (and everyone else) had a blast making it too – everyone in this movie looks like they’re having a lot of fun.  It’s truly dizzying to watch this movie as a result… just as soon as you’ve seen one thing another new one takes its place.  To which I say:  well done!  The world needs more movies like this.

I won’t attempt to analyze the characters, story, symbolism et al. because I don’t think any of that applies to this film.  As an example:  yes, the characters are one-dimensional but that’s the point… Obayashi is parodying the clichéd characters of horror movies and… ah, fuck it.  He did it just for fun.  Because to see a half-naked Japanese schoolgirl named Kung Fu karate chop vicious pieces of killer firewood is fun.  See, that’s how this movie works.

Anyway, in case I haven’t made it clear yet, see House.  Oh, excuse me.  See

HAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUSU.

Screenshots

Note:  None of these shots do this film justice.  House is a kinetic film, a film that is constantly moving.  To appreciate it in all its glory you have to actually see it.  All I can hope for is that these few captures of insanity will get you to see it.

Nope, absolutely no Japanese schoolgirl lesbianism going on in this scene.

Just keep moving, keep moving along... keep... um ...I'll be in my bunk.

Yep.  This is the kind of movie that this is.

Hint #1 that your reclusive old aunt may, in fact, be evil.

Sweet forgets one of the cardinal rules of horror movies:  

NEVER PICK UP THE FUCKING CAT!

What every horror movie needs: a kung fu fighting Japanese schoolgirl in panties.

....And a Japanese schoolgirl eating piano.

Surprisingly this is not the trippiest shot in the movie.

In case you haven't figured it out yet:  CATS ARE FUCKING EVIL!!

Okay, who invited Terry Gilliam?

*DISCLAIMER:  Don’t actually do this.  Taking that many drugs at once would result in a) you keeling over dead from the shock to your system and b) me being arrested for suggesting it.  So don’t do it.  In fact, don’t do any drugs.  Drugs are bad, m’kay?

Also, the cat would probably claw the shit out of you.