Question: What Do Rubber And Opera Have In Common? Answer: Kinski!

This week on The Kinski Chronicles, Klaus goes down the Amazon (again), deals with headhunting natives (again) and seeks to build an opera house (agai  - WHAT?!) in

Fitzcarraldo

Theatrical Film, 1982

Director: Werner Herzog (could it be anyone else?)

The Story

Brian Sweeney Fitzgerald, aka “Fitzcarraldo” is a failed entrepreneur in the Peruvian city of Iquitos.  He has one overriding passion: opera.  And he has one overriding dream: building an opera house in his hometown.  To do this though, he’s going to need money.  Lots of money.  And considering that this is Peru in the early twentieth century, the one way to make a lot of money is through rubber.  Fitzcarraldo leases a chunk of land loaded with rubber trees and plans to get enough rubber to make himself stinking rich.  Because dangerous river rapids make this area inaccessible, our half-mad genius has a plan: sail down the neighboring river, then cross over land where the area between the two waterways is the smallest, then sail on to Rubber Paradise.  To accomplish this, he only needs to travel down headhunter-infested streams and drag a 500 ton boat over a mountain.  Should be easy, right?

Review

Werner Herzog is fucking insane.  And completely fucking awesome.  Only he would do a movie like this.  I know I said that about Aguirre, but this movie puts that one to shame; this is Aguirre turned up to 11.  Herzog has said that making this movie was a nightmare, but he must obviously love shooting movies in the jungle on the Amazon River with a crazy raving egomaniac, because he did it twice.  You know what I think?  I think he likes it.  I think Herzog is a masochist.  I think he likes the pain, the endless suffering and hardship, the toil to produce something monumental out of so much torment.  Well, he is German.

Anyway, this has to be the greatest movie I have seen yet from Herzog.  All of the work that went into making this movie paid off because this is one awesome piece of cinema.  This also has to be the only uplifting film I have seen from Herzog up to this point.  Unlike the other films of his that I have reviewed so far, Fitzcarraldo will bring a warm, genuine smile to your face at the end.  I won’t spoil it for you, but you can rest assured that even though this movie shares much in common with the earlier Herzog-Kinski effort Aguirre, this ending is nothing like the one for that film.  Also be prepared to be impressed with the efforts of the characters and feel their struggles and triumphs along with them.  You will feel every elation and every dejection as they struggle to get that boat up that mountain.  Why?  Because they really are hauling that boat up that mountain.  That isn’t a model, people.  That’s real.  Herzog and a group of Amazonian Indians really did drag a multi-ton riverboat up a steep hill in the Amazon Jungle.  This officially makes Werner Herzog the most hardcore filmmaker in the history of cinema.  I think that if the man suddenly decided he wanted to do a space opera he would raise the money, actually go into space and build fleets of starships with real-live death dealing laser cannons.  Werner Herzog doesn’t do special effects!  Special effects are for wussies!

Speaking of Herzog, the main character of this movie himself has to be the most blatant stand-in for a director I have ever seen.  Think about it.  Fitzcarraldo is a man driven by a singular passion: to build an opera house.  And he’s not going to let anything, not financial failure, nor headhunters, nor the jungle, nor a mountain stop him from realizing his dream.  And what is Herzog?  Herzog is a man driven by a singular passion: to make movies.  And he’s not going to let anything, not financial failure, nor headhunters, nor the jungle, nor a mountain stop him from realizing his dream.  I have read that Herzog was briefly considering playing the role himself after Jason Robards got sick and had to leave the shoot.  I’m glad he didn’t – because we would have been denied another great Kinski acting accomplishment – but it would have been interesting seeing the director play a role that was basically autobiographical.  As it is, Klaus Kinski puts in another of his grand performances.  On a side note, this is the most sympathetic and likeable Kinski character I have seen so far.  He has a goal that – if a bit far-fetched – the audience can really get behind, and even if he is intense and almost mad seems like a guy that you could actually sit down and have a drink with without a)checking to see if your cup was poisoned (Aguirre), b)running away in abject terror (Nosferatu) or c)giving him Dr. Freud’s business card (Wozeck).

To conclude this gush-fest, see Fitzcarraldo.  Kinski is great as always, the music is really good, and the direction is the best yet that I have seen from Herzog (more gorgeous scenery galore).  Too often in the movies the audience is told to pursue their dreams and never give up hope but it this message usually comes off as trite; not so here.  Fitzcarraldo is one of a very small number of films that is genuinely inspiring.  And that is saying a lot.

Screenshots

Kinski as Fitzcarraldo, with Claudia Cardinale as his brothel-owning personal bank- er, girlfriend, Molly.

Okay, I think I'm just gonna start keeping a tally of animal abuse in Herzog's movies.   

Fitzcarraldo count:  one cat thrown (again) along with one snake speared.

"Uh, I think it's time to let me out now...  Hello?...  Vern?... Where'd everybody go?...."

Cue Ike and Tina.

"Oh, my God!  I see crappy movie roles and a whacked out autobiography ahead!"

"...And we'll put the shopping mall here...."

This is no model.  Behold the awesome insanity that is Herzog!

 

"And he spent twenty years chained to the wheel of pain-"

oops, sorry, wrong movie from 1982.

The DVD

Not much to say.  It's like every other Anchor Bay Herzog-Kinski DVD.  The picture is pretty good, and audio comes in both English and German (again, like Aguirre this film was shot in English).  One thing that annoys me though is that like the Aguirre DVD, if you choose to watch the film in English the opening text is in German and is not subtitled.  Argh.  Oh well.

Next Week: Cobra Verde

This Week's Lunch Special: Herzog ala Corman

This week on the Kinskipalooza Tour: Klaus loses his marbles, gets all philosophical and murders his wum-mon in:

Woyzeck

Theatrical Film, 1979

Director: Werner Herzog

The Story
Exactly as described above.  Oh, you want more?  OK, although the story itself is very sparse.  Woyzeck is a downtrodden soldier living in …somewhere European (we are never told) in the early Nineteenth Century.  Trying to support his girlfriend/common-law wife Marie and his son by taking odd jobs for his Captain and allowing himself to be medically experimented upon by his Doctor, Woyzeck is a complete mess both physically and psychologically.  All of this plus Marie’s infidelity with a bullying Drum Major leads Woyzeck to… lose his marbles, get all philosophical and murder his wum-mon.  What?  Don’t look at me like that!  I didn’t spoil nuthin'; the ending was spoiled in the film’s trailer!  And on the DVD artwork.

Review

I’m not going to say much on this movie, and not only because I’m very busy at the moment.  The truth is that there isn’t much to say about Woyzeck.  It’s a middling effort from Werner Herzog and not that great of a movie.  It was shot in the space of two weeks right after filming Nosferatu, and it shows.  The scenery in this film is gorgeous (a Herzog trademark) and Kinski does a good job as the tormented title character, but everything fails to gel for me.  The pacing stutters and the film is way too dialogue heavy, and not in a good way.  Characters do nothing most of the time except stand around philosophizing at each other (this is probably the most stereotypically European film I have seen yet from Herzog).  Seeing as this was adapted from a play, this is not a surprise – everything does have a stagey feel.

I don’t hate this movie, and in fact a weak effort from Herzog is better than the best efforts put out by 90% of the other movie directors out there.  It’s just not that compelling.  It’s definitely worth watching once though if for the beautiful photography and Kinski’s acting.  Just don’t expect to come back to it again and again.

Screenshots

Just your typical gorgeous Herzog scenery, just keep moving, keep moving along....

Eva Mattes as Marie:  "What the Hell just happened?"  

You'll be asking yourself the same question throughout this movie.

"My, Major, what big hands you have!"
"The better to grope you with, my dear!"

The doctor drops a cat bomb on Woyzeck.  You know, I wonder if Germany even has an SPCA, because if they do then they must be pissed with Herzog right about now, what between the horse-punching-monkey-chucking of Aguirre, the rat-abuse of Nosferatu and this.  Actually, come to think of it he would probably treat his human actors the same way if he thought he could get away with it.

"Um, look, I like you too, but I think we should try being just friends first."

Woyzeck runs through a field of POPPIES Poppies poppies

The DVD

Woyzeck comes on an infamously bare-bones DVD.  Don't expect any frills.  The picture and sound on this are good enough, but there has obviously been no attempt to clean up anything.  There are no extra features save the theatrical trailer (which, again, spoils the ending) and text info on Herzog and Kinski.  There is no commentary by Herzog, so I guess he didn't think that much of this film, either.

Next Week: Fitzcarraldo

A Vampire Movie That Doesn't Suck

Kinskifest 2010 continues this week with Werner Herzog’s remake of the 1922 Murnau silent classic, Nosferatu.  So, without further ado….

Nosferatu, Phantom der Nacht

Theatrical Film, 1979

Director: Werner Herzog

The Story

It’s Dracula.  You’ve seen it a million times before.  The only thing that’s different is that it’s set in Germany.  And some of the names are different.  And it’s better than most of the other vampire movies you’ve ever seen.

Review and Analysis

You know, I was going to give a really long analysis here?  Something about how most vampire movies are schlocky, xenophobic, sexually-repressive-and-yet-sex-obsessed holdovers of Victorian mores owing to the Bram Stoker source material that they inevitably draw on?  And how Nosferatu, even though derived from the same source is different and one of a handful of vampire films that can be called art?

But I’m dead tired.  I’m unemployed (REAL LIFE ALERT) and my job search is taking up so much time right now I barely have time to keep up with this blog… two weeks after I began it.  So I was going to talk about how great Nosferatu is, about how great Klaus Kinski is in the main role, about how great Herzog’s direction is or how great the music is but I won’t.  I’m also not going to analyze all the symbolism and stuff in this movie – you’ll just have to watch it and see for yourself.  Do it.  It’s a great movie, probably the greatest vampire movie I have ever seen.

And I will watch and review Woyzeck next week, but don’t expect a long review on that either.

Anyways, see Nosferatu, Phantom der Nacht.

Screenshots

Haha, I love Herzog.  Only he could start a vampire movie with THIS,
and then switch to....

KITTENS!

"Was it something I said?"

"Guess so."

Aww!  Yes, he may be a blood-sucking beast,
but he's such a wonewy bwood-sucking beast!

When you absolutely, positively must deliver the plague overnight.

Rats, rats, RATS!

True to this film's roots, Isabelle Adjani gives us some
good, old-fashioned silent movie acting.

I honestly don't know who's scarier in this shot, Kinski or Adjani.

The DVD

It’s basically the German-language disc from the 2 disc Anchor Bay set put out a few years ago (Nosferatu was shot simultaneously in both German and English – two separate movies), although interestingly it’s mislabeled as Nosferatu the Vampyre, which is the title for the English version.  Oops.  Anyways, it’s a decent DVD picture and audio-wise.  There’s a neat “making of” featurette and a few trailers.  The US trailer cracked me up by the way: “Unlike any other Dracula film ever made” …except, you know, the original Nosferatu.

Next Week:  Woyzeck

How Was This Post Written? Hard Work And Guts!

I know I said at the end of the last review that Nosferatu would be next, but my one comment in my last anime review for Bubblegum Crisis - "Why do I suddenly have the urge to watch Gunbuster?" - made me think, "Hey, why not watch Gunbuster?"   After the disappointment that was Bubblegum Crisis, I needed a good OVA that actually lives up its hype.  I'm still going to continue the Kinski-thon and review Nosferatu at the end of the week, but first a quick detour with Gunbuster.

Gunbuster
OVA, 1988-1989
Director: Hideaki Anno



The Story

Noriko is the daughter of a space admiral who died fighting mysterious space monsters sevral years ago.  Now she is a student at a girls' giant robot pilot high school - I did not make that last bit up - and longs to become an ace pilot like her idol Kazumi so she can go into space like her father.  In order to do that though she'll have to endure rigorous training from Coach, who is determined to make her into the best she can be.  Can Noriko survive Coach's exercise regimen, become an ace and go into space to fight the evil space aliens?  Of course!  There she'll find love for the first time, meet a mercurial red-headed rival Soviet pilot and, oh yeah, help determine the fate of humanity with its ultimate weapon - the new awesomely powerful giant robot, Gunbuster.  Well, she certainly has her work cut out for her!

Review and Analysis

Wow.  Sometimes you see a work that shows not only that the creators loved making it but a love for the medium itself.  Such is the case with Gunbuster.  This OVA is not only a classic piece of animated science fiction, it's a joy-filled love letter to anime itself.  All of the standard tropes and cliches of anime, giant robot and otherwise, are parodied, played straight, then turned up to 11.  This was made by people who love animation, and this shows in the animation itself.  It’s still impressive today – when Gainax actually has a budget (see also: Wings of Honneamise) they can produce some of the best animation in the world.  It’s well known that the founding members of Gainax were massive nerds, and that also shows in Gunbuster: everything an otaku could possibly love is lovingly drawn and animated – giant robots, spaceships, laser cannons, monsters, instrument displays, breasts….  Yes, breasts.  Gunbuster is infamous for introducing the “Gainax Bounce” into anime: before this was made women's breasts didn’t really move in Japanese animation… so, as you can see this is a truly revolutionary anime!  Haha.  Anyway, lechery aside, I was actually impressed by the amount of fanservice in Gunbuster, as in, “not that much.”  Yes, as I said this introduced bouncing boobies into anime, but the actual amount of fanservice in this OVA is actually restrained and tasteful (especially compared to the legions of fanservice oriented anime that would follow).  It doesn’t really distract from the rest of the show.  Personally I was distracted by the rest of the animation, especially the space battles.  These are exciting and very well done.  Many directors looking to film outer space battle sequences (cough  George Lucas cough) should watch Gunbuster to see how it’s done.  Gainax knows how make the little things shine, too.  Even things as minor as the instrument displays in the giant robots are rendered and animated in the finest detail.  And the displays are back-lit!  I’m not sure, but I think that this might have been the first time this was done in an anime.

But for all my gushing about the animation, how does the story hold up?  After all, well-animated crap is still crap.  The answer is: pretty damn well, thank you.  It may have a few flaws but the story of Gunbuster is one that is moving and deeply affecting.  Yes it gets a little overwrought with the emotions a few times but those emotions are genuine.  Part of the story of Gunbuster involves the effects of time dilation in light-speed travel:  every time Noriko goes into space her friends on Earth age while she does not.  This adds a very bittersweet flavor to the show as Noriko is forced to deal with the people she loves aging and the world changing as she fights to defend both the people she loves and the world from the ravenous star-destroying space monsters.  It is the ultimate sacrifice in a way, and one of the best bits of characterization I’ve seen in sci-fi in recent times. Given the short length of the OVA (six episodes) characterization itself was rather rushed and could have used some room for improvement, but it’s not bad considering.  Noriko herself does tend to whine and cry a lot in the first half but gets better in the second half, where she screams a lot (but that’s awesome because that’s during the most awesome parts).  It’s also interesting to note that the main characters are female:  Noriko and Kazumi are in roles normally reserved for boys.  The giant mecha genre up to that point had seen a dearth of female leads.   Hell, sci-fi anime in general (and actually sci-fi period) had seen very few lead heroines – only Dirty Pair, Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind and Bubblegum Crisis (something I guess I forgot to credit that show on in my review of it) come to mind.   The mecha show Super Dimension Cavalry Southern Cross had a woman as a main character, but that show wasn’t all that popular and was prematurely cancelled.   It wasn’t until Gunbuster was released in 1988 (along with Patlabor the same year) and became popular that anime audiences began to accept the idea of girls taking the lead and piloting the big robots.  Now, the animators may not have had this intent – they probably just liked animating pretty girls – but they still revolutionized anime by doing this.

Gunbuster may be a little rough around the edges but it is still an anime science fiction classic.  It has gorgeous animation, awesome action, genuine emotion and an ending that will leave you in tears.  Sisterhood is beautiful.  See it today.

Screenshots

You know it's love at first sight.  How?  Sparkles.

Get used to it.  Noriko does a lot of this.

And this.

I'm sure this is what Neil Armstrong wanted to see
when he walked on the moon.

Broadsides... in SPACE!

A back-lit display.  The attention to detail in "Gunbuster" is awesome.

The final episode is widescreen, and in black-and-white,
so you know it's artistic.

 
The DVD

I had seen Gunbuster before on VHS.  Those tapes were pretty good, but WOW the image quality on the DVD edition blew me away.  This DVD release from Honneamise (the pricey Bandai Visual label that also released… Wings of Honneamise) lets you see every detail in the wonderful animation.  They really did a good job remastering this.  It does have one flaw though:  a white line is present for the whole runtime on each disc on the left side of the picture.   This is especially noticeable on widescreen monitors and televisions, and doubly so for the final letterboxed episode.  I have included a screenshot below to demonstrate.

Make sure to watch with the overscan on your TV or computer DVD player turned on.  Another thing about the DVD set that bugs me:  like the Animeigo Oh My Goddess! OVA boxset, Gunbuster comes on three discs, when it could have been squeezed down to two or possibly even one.  There’s not even that many extra features on the discs, so I don’t know why they need three discs for this except to drive the price up.  These are my only quibbles though.  The DVDs come in a very nice fold-out case contained in a nice box with a nice booklet.  A warning though in that this boxset is normally very pricey, so you should probably wait until it’s on sale somewhere before you pick it up.  But you should definitely pick it up.

And Now For Something Completely Different....

Finally, after the blog being up a whole week I am posting my first review for something that is a)a film, b)live action and c)not Japanese.  It’s good to get variety - and while the title of this blog does not necessarily imply that TV shows and video releases can’t be reviewed it is nice to finally be reviewing a THEATRICAL film for a site called the Pharonic Fantasy THEATRE.

A while ago I got the Werner Herzog-Klaus Kinski DVD Boxset.  I had already seen Aguirre and Nosferatu and these movies made me want to see the other three collaborations between these two mad geniuses.  So over the next few weeks I will review the five films in the Herzog-Kinski boxset and the documentary film included as a bonus, My Best Fiend.  This week, their first effort together:

Aguirre, the Wrath of God
Film, 1972
Director: Werner Herzog



The Story

It is 1560.  Spain has established an empire in the New World and has just recently conquered Peru.  An expedition is sent into the Amazon from the Peruvian mountains to find El Dorado, the legendary Lost City of Gold.  An advance scouting party is sent ahead of the main group to determine the terrain and the location of the lost city.  This group, led by Don Pedro de Ursúa soon falls to a mutiny led by Ursúa’s second-in-command, Don Lope de Aguirre.  Aguirre spurs the band of explorers further and further down the Amazon river to find El Dorado and eternal glory.  As the opening text explains, the conquered Indians invented the story of El Dorado as revenge against the greedy Spaniards to lure the White Man to his death in a fruitless search for untold riches.  From the moment the movie starts you know these suckers are doomed.


Review and Analysis

Wow.  Most movie directors, when given the task of making a film about doomed conquistadors in the Amazon  would probably just go to Hawaii and shoot the jungle scenes there while filming the raft scenes inside a studio in front of a projection screen or something.  Werner Herzog is not most movie directors (note to self: just made understatement of the century).  He actually went to the Amazon, built some rafts and filmed the whole thing with just one camera.  And everything you see in the resulting cinematic masterpiece is real.  Okay, well except for the people dying.  But I wouldn’t put it past Herzog.  The man is supposed to be insanely dedicated to making movies.  The famous legend about the making of Aguirre is that Herzog threatened to kill Klaus Kinski when the volatile actor threatened to leave the shoot.  That’s how devoted the director is to his craft:  you are not going to stop Werner Herzog from making a film.  Period.  But putting aside the whole crazy thing, the way this movie was shot really makes a difference.  Since Herzog really is shooting on the Amazon, the actors’ performances are going to be different from if they were shooting in a soundstage or something.  The actors really are suffering: the Amazon is one of the biggest Hells on Earth.  It’s hot, unbearably humid and every living thing in the jungle is trying to kill you.  So the reactions of the actors to the discomforts and dangers of the Amazon river basin that you are seeing on the screen are probably real.

Speaking of performances, it is of course impossible to talk about Aguirre without talking about the performance of its lead, the infamous Klaus Kinski.  This was the role that made Kinski famous internationally, and I can see why.  Kinski may have been an unpredictable egotist with a thermonuclear temper, but he was also one of the greatest actors who ever lived.  Watch him in this film, he’s amazing.  He is both violent and passive, kind and hateful, thoughtful and brutish, sometimes all in the same scene.  And he is intense, both loudly and quietly.  Again, sometimes all in the same scene.  In fact Kinski is the most intense actor I have ever seen.  The only actor I think I have ever seen that even comes close to Kinski’s raw power is Toshiro Mifune.  Certainly no one alive today is even in the same league.

This film is gorgeous.  Herzog has a great eye, and just about every shot in Aguirre has something interesting in it, even if it’s not something conventionally interesting.  Even when little is happening you can’t help but watch, entranced.  The opening is a prime example: nothing but Spanish soldiers and Indian slaves making their way down the mountainside while music by Krautrock band Popol Vuh plays in the background.  Yet it is hypnotizing, in part because the scenery is gorgeous and also because the ominous music lends to the mystery of the Amazon and lets you know somehow exactly what is to come.  You know right from the start that this expedition is doomed to failure and possible death.  The jungle is too mysterious and the Spaniards too greedy to allow even smallest hope of success.  Aguirre is destined to mutiny against Ursúa because of the inherent nature of the journey: to find nonexistent riches in a city that never was.  The course of the film itself is set along with the rafts of the conquistadores: forward, ceaselessly forward into the jaws of Hell and damnation.  Greed for gold destroys all and warps the minds of men who should know better.  It is interesting that Herzog posits at the beginning of the film that El Dorado is in fact a tale made up by the Indians with the express intent of taking revenge on the Spaniards for conquering them, using the greed that had led to the Conquista in the first place to lure them to certain death.  This serves to partly make the film a study on racism and colonialism: seeing the way that the Spaniards treat the native Indians and their own slaves makes one see the bigotry and arrogance inherent to the European conquest of the Americas (being a student of history I already knew this however).  One can’t completely hate the Spaniards however: there is still an indomitable human will that seems to fuel their journey down the river in search of something they will never find.  Though not sympathetic, you can’t help but be impressed by the relentless drive of someone like Lope de Aguirre, even if that drive leads to complete ruination.

Well, enough analysis lest this start to sound like some high-minded college paper.  Does Aguirre, the Wrath of God have anything in it for people other than the art-house crowd? Hell, yeah!  In Aguirre you will see:


-a dude get his head cut off!
-Cannibals!
-Our Heroes strip their black slave near naked and drive him in front of them to “frighten the natives!”  And I had always thought that the tactic of using a Big Scary Black Man to frighten the populace was invented by American politicians!
-actors eating river algae!
-Klaus Kinski punch a horse!
-Klaus Kinski chuck a monkey into the drink!

This classic film can be recommended to just about anyone.  It has great photography, very funny dark humor and an excellent performance by one of the greatest actors ever.  It can be slow, but that is not damning it all, in fact the slowness is one of its strengths.  If you ever have a chance to see Aguirre, do so.


Screenshots

Klaus Kinski as Aguirre.  His eyes will burn holes into your soul!

Come on, Mr. Monk!  You’re a member of the Catholic Church in the Age of The Inquisition!
Condemning a man to death in a show trial should be as natural as picking spinach out of your teeth!

Yay, dysentery!

Yay, dysentery!

In case you are wondering: yes, they really did put a boat up in the trees.
I told you: everything in this movie is real.

Okay, kiddies, puzzle time:  how many things can you spot that are wrong with this picture?
Ready, set, go!

Chuck the monkey, Klaus!  Chuck the monkey!
(He does.)

The DVD

The DVD in the Herzog-Kinski Collection is pretty basic.  It is also the exact same as the previous single Anchor Bay release.  Extras include a trailer for the movie and commentary by Herzog (which I still haven’t listened to but want to).  Languages included are German and English.  As I had seen the German dub before this time I decided to go with English for this review.  Interestingly, the film was shot in English; reportedly it was the only language the entire international cast knew in common.  The German dub was post-synched later.  This shows in the performances:  the acting is good enough but I could tell that some of the actors were not that comfortable speaking lines in English (simply knowing a language and being fluent enough to act in it are two different things).  This doesn’t detract from the film however.  The picture on this DVD is very good considering Aguirre is a European film made during the 1970s.  The film is presented in its original aspect ratio of 1.33:1 (it was not shot in widescreen, despite what some people think.  The one and only camera used to film the movie was an old standard 35mm camera – that Herzog had stolen from film school.  Of course).


Next Week: Nosferatu, Phantom Der Nacht

"Bubblegum Crisis," or "We Hope Ridley Scott Never Sees This Or He Might Sue"

Today I deal with a vintage anime OVA that is revered by anime fans as a classic.  This baffles the hell out of me. I think it's a dated, derivative, mediocre show that is a serious contender for the title of "Most Overrated Anime Of All Time," but what do I know?  Well, anyways, without further ado, today's review: Bubblegum Crisis.

Bubblegum Crisis

OVA, 1987-1991

Directors: Katsuhito Akiyama,

Hiroki Hayashi, Masami Obari,

Fumihiko Nakayama, Hiroaki Gōda

The Story

In the FUTURE city of Mega Tokyo, androids called Boomers are used to do menial tasks that humans don’t want to do (sound familiar?).  Sometimes these Boomers go haywire though. In response to this a special section of the police (the Blade Runn- I mean AD Police) is formed to stop the Boomers when they go on one of their inevitable regular rampages (makes you wonder why they keep producing them in the first place).  But this show is not about them.  No, this show is about Sylia, Linna, Nene and Priss (but mostly Priss) - the Knight Sabers, a group of mercenary vigilantes in armored battlesuits.   These four women work to protect Mega Tokyo from the Boomer threat and the evil corporation behind it - Genom.  

Review and Analysis

Apparently Bubblegum Crisis is a classic: one of those vintage anime titles that every fan must see.  Well, I finally got around to seeing it and I don’t see what the big deal is.  In fact, I was rather disappointed.  Now, I don’t completely hate this series (although I came close a few times) but I don’t think it deserves all the accolades that it receives.

Which is a shame, because I started this OVA with high hopes.  Well, in order to chart my disappointment with Bubblegum Crisis let’s do something different from a straight review and reproduce my thoughts as I watched the show.

(Possible spoilers follow although this show is so predictable that they probably don’t count)

Episode One

Wow, I feel like I’m watching Blade Runner.  They’re not even trying to disguise it.  Even the music is the same.  And look, a band called “Priss and the Replicants.”  Now they're just waving it in my face.

 You have three guesses as to which decade this was made in and the first two don’t count.

How does that Boomer fit into its skin?

Wow, Priss is a bitch.  And you can tell that the woman doing her isn't a professional voice actress.  She's really... monotonous.

Brian J. Mason, he is a CHAR!

High-heeled battlesuits?  Wow, is that absurd - and this is coming from a "Dirty Pair" fan.

 Hmm, this show suddenly wants to go all Akira on us (note to die-hard otaku getting ready to send corrections with smug satisfaction: yes, I know that the film Akira was released a year after this episode, but the manga had been running since 1982, so there).

Well, that was average (and heavily derivative of Blade Runner). Art, animation, characterization, etc. etc - all was middling.  Not bad, but not good either.  Let’s see if the show will improve.

Episode Two

Hmm… here are three female Boomers who work for the bad guys and humiliate Priss.  I wonder who the Boss Fight in this episode will be?

Wow, Priss is the most inept investigator ever.

 “I may be doing a complete 180 asking you out on a date. And I may be interrogating you about Boomers and Genom and stuff, but I’m not a Knight Saber!”

 

Catfight!

 

Well, that episode was… average like the last one.  So far this is just an average derivative anime.  But let’s see if it gets better.

Episode Three

Priss is stupid, as in Too Dumb To Live.  Yes, Priss, charging in to assault that Genom executive protected by that large, powerful Boomer is going to work SO fucking well.  That’s why it worked last episode.

 Wow, this is like a clichéd old Western.  So the EEEEEEVIL Genom Corporation is buying up land and evicting the residents.  Why do the villains in this show have to be so cartoonish… wait a minute....

Wow, someone close to Priss dies, enabling her to go on a roaring rampage of revenge.  Never saw that one coming!

Blah blah blah, Boss Fight, blah blah blah, average animation, blah blah blah, why do I suddenly have the urge to watch Gunbuster?  Hey look, the villain is dead.  I don't care because I’m bored.  Glad the episode is over.

This episode is fucking stupid.  The same basic plot as the last one.  The next episode better be better or I’m gonna be really pissed.

Episode Four

Hey, it’s a futuristic urban cyber-punk anime, it’s about time we head futuristic urban biker gangs!

Killer Car!

Haha, Priss got a speeding ticket.  Classic.  Leon, I don't know why you keep going after Priss, I think she's a lesbian.

Note to the State Police: next time you have to set up a road block, do it with a frickin’ tank.

You know, Leon is actually a sort of kick-ass character, why couldn’t this show be about him?

Wow, this episode was actually entertaining if average.  Better than the last ep.

Episode Five

Breakout!

Stop it!  Stop Copying Blade Runner!

Wow, a homosexual male character who is effeminate but not over-the-top camp gay.  Who knew this show would get something right?

 Why does everyone (even the girls) go apeshit over Sylvie?  They make her out to be the most gorgeous woman on the planet.  She’s… okay looking. I mean, Linna and Nene are better looking and they’re gushing over *her*.  I don’t get it.

Why is that cat growling like a dog? Do the animators even know what a cat sounds like?  FAIL.

I knew it! I knew Priss was a lesbian!

So this episode revolves around… Lesbian Vampire Sex-Bots ?

  

 Ow, okay, I'm feeling better now.

 

Oh, Leon, suiting up for battle in your powersuit.  Why do you even bother?  You know that you’re going to get spanked and that the Knight Sabers are going to have to save you.  Because only the Knight Sabers are allowed to be the heroes in this show.

What Leon, you’re surprised that Priss is a Knight Saber? You’ve basically known since episode one!

Wow, Priss’ VA is actually acting!  Too bad it’s in a contrived scene full of clichéd, over-the-top melodrama!

This episode was pretty stupid.  I hope this gets better.

Episode Six

Bored.

Bored.

You know, I think Leon is a more interesting character?

Bored.

Bored.

Oh my god, I’m only halfway through, when will this thing fucking end?

Stop hitting on Priss, Leon.  She’s a lesbian, Leon.  You’re barking up the wrong tree, Leon.

 Most. Useless. Armor. Ever.

Wow, is this overwrought and overly contrived.  And yet I’m bored with the whole thing. 

God this is stupid.  I fucking hate this.  I hate the story, I hate the unoriginality and I hate Priss.  She’s a sullen, unpleasant bitch and she gets WAY too much time devoted to her.  Do you know what I would like to see?  Priss getting killed.  At least then the makers of this shit would be doing something unexpected. 

Episode Seven

Hahahahahahahahaha!

What… is… she… wearing?

 Where’s the SV2 when you really need them?

Wow, the animation is actually… pretty good.  Certainly a step up over the previous episodes.

Wow, Priss isn’t being a complete bitch in this episode.  In fact, Priss isn’t the main focus of this episode for once. I think I might like this.

Yay, bodyguard duty!  The real-life equivalent of the dreaded video game “escort mission!”

Aaaaand their client is kidnapped.  Is it just me, or are the Knight Sabers totally incompetent?  I mean, they get hired to do all these jobs and they keep failing.  Why do people keep paying them money? 

Lesson to the kiddies: you can get away with murder, kidnapping and terrorism as long as your actions lead to the unintentional arrest of an illegal arms maker for soliciting hookers.  Yay!

Wow, that was actually a decent bit of entertainment… I’m shocked.

Episode Eight

Oh, it’s going to be one of those “babysit the boss’ annoying relative” episodes.  How original.

Nene is cute.

Wow, Priss is not being a complete bitch for the second episode in a row.  In fact she’s almost… likable.

Never mind.  Priss, Linna, stop making fun of Nene’s waistline!  Seriously, people like you are the reason that girls like her become anorexic.

 Priss, stop sexually harassing Nene!

 I wish I could get to level 8 on Tetris.  Good job, Nene!

 Remember ladies, when you need to have “The Talk” with your daughter picking an appropriate setting is key.  Take her to an old dilapidated couch behind an old abandoned building for a conversation she'll never forget.

I think the AD Police should invest in some better base defense.

Hey, new gear and weapons for our heroes, yay!  Too bad this is the last episode of the show!

Wow, that episode was… good.  I’m shocked.  Oh, it was directed by Hiroaki Gōda, no wonder.  I’m glad that this series ended on a positive note.  I was getting really frustrated for a while there.  One good episode though doesn’t make for a good show.

Final thoughts on Bubblegum Crisis:  I don’t get it.  Why do people like this?  Why is this considered “revolutionary?”  Is it the story?  It’s basically Blade Runner with chicks in “Iron Man” suits.  Is it the animation?  The art and animation are painfully average for the time.  There are other OVAs and even TV shows from the same period that are better animated.  Is it the action?  Again, the action is just average and not all that exciting.  Is it the characters?  Most of them aren’t that well developed and the one that is (Priss) is almost completely unlikeable.  I don’t get it.  Bubblegum Crisis is overrated.  It has its moments but overall it is just the mediocre product of an age when Japan was pumping out lots of mediocre animation.

The DVD

…But hey, if you actually like it, then you’ll love Animeigo’s remastered BGC DVD boxset!  It boasts remastered video!  It has text interviews!  And it’s packed full of music videos for the mediocre 80s J-Rock that infests the show!  And you get to see the Bubblegum voice actresses take a holiday in Bali!  For 50 MINUTES!  Seriously, though this was the funniest part of the whole damn boxset, actual show included.  That plus the music video of the four Knight Saber seiyuu singing live on stage.  I just about had an aneurysm laughing.

In the end, my advice is to skip Bubblegum Crisis.  You don’t need to see this, no matter what the otaku tell you.  There is one good episode, but it’s the last one and it’s not worth slogging through the rest of the show to see.