100th Post!

July was a weird month. I went through a very strange time personally and had to examine other human beings and my relationships with them and myself.  Friends I thought were close ended up not being that close and friends I thought I shared an honest relationship with ended up not being honest with me (and I fully realize that not every human relationship can be 100% honest or society would not function).  Don’t get me wrong, last month was not the first time I have lost a friendship or had someone distance themself from me, but everything seemed to hit hard in July for some strange reason. Here’s hoping August is a much better month for me.

Sorry about all the personal stuff, imaginary reader. But it DOES tie in to today’s (very special 100th) post! See, I have decided after doing Planet of the Vampires to dedicate a couple more posts to famed cult director Mario Bava, for two reasons: 1) Every movie blog needs to have something on Bava and 2) Why should Herzog get all the glory? Thus I selected his possibly most famous and influential film, The Three Faces Of Fear (otherwise known by its English-language AIP version title Black Sabbath) which is all about… human relationships and deception.

The Three Faces Of Fear

1963

Director: Mario Bava

What? An Italian sixties horror film actually being about something? Surely not! But yes, brutish reader, and let me explain. Three Faces Of Fear is an anthology film, and all three short films therein are united by that theme. It’s interesting that when AIP dubbed the film in English and shuffled the running order around for their release, they also (in addition to dropping the lesbian subtext) changed “The Telephone” to being a ghost story instead of a straight-up thriller, figuring that since the other two shorts had supernatural themes, “Telephone” was the odd one out without one. Well, they were wrong because the link between all of the shorts is not the supernatural but the relationships between human beings (and fear, hence the original Italian title) and dishonesty both with others and oneself. Let’s go through each short film one by one Kwaidan style and illustrate my point (without being to spoilerrific for those of you who haven’t seen the movie):

I know *I* always go to bed with perfect hair and makeup.

"The Telephone" – This is the one with the aforementioned lesbian subtext. A high class call girl gets home one night and starts getting threatening phone calls, supposedly from her ex-boyfriend Frank, who she helped put in jail. Turns out though that the calls are coming from her ex-girlfriend Mary, who is making the calls to try and get closer to her. But what will happen when Mary comes over to “comfort” her ex/victim? And is Frank truly out of the picture?

Either murder or erotic asphyxiation gone very, very wrong.

The deception in this one is fully evident – Rosy is a victim of Mary’s gross effort to manipulate her and both women pay the price for it. Mary’s deception of Rosy is borne out of an obsession with her (not real love) and is ruinous. This is the lesson of “The Telephone”: if you love someone don’t try to get her back by scaring her or you might find yourself being strangled with your own stockings by her ex-pimp. Oops, I guess I spoiled it… sorry sorry sorry but you should still see it anyway, I haven’t given away the complete ending.

"No, I am totally NOT an evil bloodsucking vampire."

"The Wurdalak" – The most famous part of the movie, because Boris Karloff is in it. A young count comes across a family that dreads the return of the father (Karloff) after he went out to hunt a wurdalak – a vampire that only feeds on the ones they love. They are afraid that if he comes back he may be contaminated and a wurdalak himself… guess what happens when he comes back? One by one the newly vampirized patriarch starts feeding on his family, and the visiting nobleman must try to escape with the daughter that he has (within the space of two minutes) fallen                                                                                                          in love with. 

"Come with me and escape your evil undead family!"
"But I just met you - no wait, what am I saying? Okay."

Ooh, the family dynamics in this one are fucked up. Usually in movies espousing “family values” the basic family is held up as the core unit of society, and that the love of family members for each other is an unshakable virtue, possibly the highest belonging to the human race. Bava takes that concept and craps all over it, showing how destructive family bonds and obligations can be. The patriarch’s power over this family is so great that even after it becomes apparent that HE IS ONE OF THE BLOODSUCKING UNDEAD his family obeys him unfailingly even as they *know* that HE IS ONE OF THE BLOODSUCKING UNDEAD. Even the normally sacrosanct relationship between mother and child is shown as being something destructive. The wurdalak’s daughter-n-law is shown being completely irrational and threatening to kill herself should her newly-dead child be decapitated (to prevent him becoming a vampire) merely because it would disfigure him. Her demands are foolishly met and she later kills HER OWN HUSBAND (you just learned where you rate, dude) just to be reunited with her newly-undead kid when he shows up at the door crying. Motherhood is not always beautiful. There are more examples but I don’t want to give away everything. Lesson: sometimes rational thought takes precedence over family bonds and obligations.  Also, don't deceive yourself over your undead, bloodsucking dad.

"Hello, you have reached the Greedy Bitch Hotline."

“The Drop of Water” – A nurse is called to deal with the corpse of a newly-dead psychic medium. She sees a ring that she just HAS TO HAVE and takes off the dead body and you can see where this is going, can’t you?

I know I would TOTALLY risk the wrath of the dead for that ring.

I’m not going to lie. This segment scared the shit out of me. I am a 33 year old man and after watching this movie I had to sleep with the lights on for the first time since I was 6. I am a rational being and I do not believe in the supernatural but HOLY CRAP THAT DEAD LADY LOOKS RIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL AND ANNHILATES IT AND OH MY GOD SHE COULD BE SITTING IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW ARRRRRRRGH I WON’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP FOR WEEKS!

 Ahhhhh, ah. Okay. Deep breath. It’s only the CREEPIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN A MOVIE IN YOUR LIFE. Okay. (Inhales) (Exhales)

This one is all about dishonesty as well as our relationship to the dead. Just because someone’s dead doesn’t mean that you aren’t in a relationship with them. The greedy nurse treats the dead (CREEPY) medium with contempt and steals from her and it ends up biting her in the ass. Lesson: Be honest and don’t steal. Also, don’t be a dick to dead people.



Well, there you go. My personal experiences of July sort of summed up in one movie. Human relations tested and strained and sometimes broken, but at least I haven’t had to deal with killers, vampires or ghosts.

Now, to kick off August and be a total dick, I end this 100th post of the Pharonic Fantasy Theatre with this image, may it be indelibly burned into your brain as it was mine:

Next Week: Beefcake!