Clarification

This is just a short notice that as of today The Pharonic Fantasy Theatre will now have a ratings system.  Why now instead of from the beginning?  Well, in the beginning I figured that I wanted people to actually read my reviews in order to ascertain my attitude towards a particular movie or TV show instead of taking the easy shortcut and just looking at a number at the bottom of the screen, but after hundreds of emails and comments from my die-hard fanbase I have realized that I want to make everyone's life easier and quicker and get readers onto and off of my little corner of the internet just a little faster.  Besides, all of the malcontents are right - It *is* too hard to read through paragraph after paragraph of review just to find out if you want to see a movie or not.  That's too much work.  Work is hard.  Quality must be quantified.

So, without further ado, I give you the New Pharonic Fantasy Theatre Patented Movie And TV Show Ratings System™.

I will rate all pieces of media on a scale of 1 to 77, except Japanese pornographic anime, which is rated 1 to 69, and anything produced by Michael Bay, which will be rated from -500 to 2.  After the number rating I will have a content marker, to warn parents and other sensitive souls about any icky content, and then another number saying how many times this ickyness occurs in the said media, followed by a division or multiplication sign designating what time of day you should watch this particular item.   Disturbing Content markers are as follows:

V for Violence
N for Nudity
S for Sex
D for Drugs
T for graphic Torture
AS for Adult Situations
A for any Annoying sidekick character that makes you throw something at the television
P for any Prison scenes
R for Rape or sexual assault
I for any graphic displays of Illness or disease
L for Language
F for any Foreign Content
OO for gratuitous bOObs
LS for Low Sodium content
FX for any bad effects
W for William Shatner

Well, there you go.  From now on, all of my reviews will use this simple, easy-to-understand system to help you the reader figure out whether you want to see something instead of slogging through all the crap I write.


Next Week:  pictures from my oiled-up orgy with the German ladies' all-nude horseshoe team.