Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Hey, I'm Writin' Here!

It has been a long time since my last post.  I’ve been focusing on looking for a job after quitting my crappy retail job (which in retrospect was a stupid, stupid move), and then my grandmother died at the end of last month. She was my favorite grandparent, and my very good friend to boot. She was the one I could go to and vent at whenever life got me down – she was there to talk to me and sympathize with me, listen to and gently criticize me. She was never judgmental or condescending or unkind. She could be really stubborn though – and I think she had an unhealthy addiction to QVC (I shudder to think about what would have happened had she been let loose on Amazon; thankfully she was never interested in learning about computers). The weird thing about her death is that I have been pretty calm about it all. I didn’t cry when I found out that she was dead and I only came close to tears once during the funeral; the only time I cried my eyes out was when I visited her in the hospital and saw her near the end, barely conscious and hooked up to a ventilator. Maybe I was forlorn to see her in such a state; maybe I could sense her impending death and let my grief out then. I don’t know. I do know that she wasn’t very happy for a few years leading up to her death because it got so difficult and painful to move around and do stuff sometimes(she could not and did not drive, so I got to drive her around some). So maybe I’m not so torn up now that she’s dead because I know that she’s not in pain anymore. Or maybe I’m just numb and the momentousness of her passing hasn’t hit me yet. I don’t know. I do know that my life is going to be very different from now on. I’m going to miss my Nana. So why do I bring this up now when I said in my first post on this site that I wouldn’t write about Real Life in a fluffy blog about movies? Well, in addition to needing the opportunity to get some things off my chest (therapy is expensive), I thought I would do a blog post today (after such a long time) in memory of my recently departed Nana. You see, today I’m going to review her favorite movie.  Here’s to you, Nana, because in your honor today on the Pharonic Fantasy Theatre I’m going to review


Film, 1969
Director: John Schlesinger


You know, it’s funny. Whenever I tell people that this was my grandmother’s favorite movie of all time, they look at me with a funny expression and say, “Oh, my God. Really?” I guess they figure it weird that someone with no predilection towards such things would pick an X rated film as her favorite. Well, first of all I don’t think she was as straitlaced as others thought she was and secondly, Midnight Cowboy isn’t even really an X movie; it’s really an R movie that got rated X unfairly back when it was released. In fact, it got re-rated only a few years later and now says “R” on the back of the DVD box. So there.

In truth, there’s very little material in this film that is truly X worthy. There’s no full frontal nudity or graphic violence (if you want that in a mainstream X-Rated movie, go watch A Clockwork Orange). I would guess that Midnight Cowboy probably got slapped with an X originally because it actually dared to portray homosexual characters in a *gasp* somewhat sympathetic light. The plight of gays in the sixties is actually portrayed very sympathetically here. Most of the supporting homosexual characters in the film are in the closet and very self-loathing. There wasn’t the same degree of tolerance for homosexuals back in 1969 as there is today, and that’s saying something as gays are still discriminated against even in this day and age. John Schlesinger, the Director was actually gay so that might explain a lot of the content of this movie (not just the homosexuality itself but the overall story of two outcasts living outside of normal society). Apparently having a compassionate view towards homosexuals or even just not portraying them as harmful, predatory monsters back in the sixties was too much for the film ratings board.

Oh, yeah and there’s drug use (hey, it’s the 60s).


Every 60s movie is required by Federal Law to have at least one tripping scene.


Oh, a quick diversionary note before I proceed any further: I’m not going to do a standard review with plot synopsis, pictures section, etc. For this little review/essay I’m going to assume that you’ve seen the movie and therefore must warn SPOILERS AHOY!

Okay, back to my rambling.

I can see what my grandmother liked in this movie. It’s a dark but very funny look at a very unorthodox friendship between two very different men. Joe Buck is a *very* naïve but very charismatic and handsome Texan “cowboy” who moves to New York City



while Rico “Ratso” Rizzo is a grimy and crippled conman who is sleazy and dishonest but a hell of a lot smarter than Joe.



Together they manage to survive with little money at the bottom rung of society’s ladder in a city that doesn’t care. Each has his own dream: Joe wants make a living whoring himself to rich, lonely women while Rico wants to move to Florida to …hang out? I don’t know. The goals of the main characters in this movie are vague and rather fantastical, which is one of the points of the whole thing.

And… shit. I realize that I just basically gave a plot synopsis when I said I wouldn’t. Oh well. I lied. I deliberately lied to you. Get over it. Moving on.


"My God, I'm in Black and White.  How did that happen?"

Yes, their goals are rather far-fetched and flimsy. Joe’s whole dream is to be a prostitute – what the hell? Who *chooses* a life like that? “Well, let’s see – looking at all of my job skills and taking into consideration where I am in my life right now and where I want to be, I think I’ll pursue a career in whoring.” Although I guess he does say at various points in the film that “loving” is all he’s ever been good at so…? Rico’s dream is purely hedonistic and lazy: hang out in the Florida sunshine all day and not work. In the end Rico refuses to see a doctor about the ailment afflicting him through the whole picture and dies on the bus on the way down to Florida – his stubborn pursuit of his shallow dream is what kills him. Joe in contrast gives up his goal of “hustling” while stuffing his cowboy outfit in the garbage during a rest stop in Florida and looks to get an honest job; he lives to the end of the movie. So maybe there’s a lesson here about pursuing goals here, eh? Don’t stubbornly pursue hollow dreams. It’ll kill you.




I remember Nana telling me that what she liked the most about Midnight Cowboy was the friendship between the two leads. “Some people see Dustin Hoffman as just exploiting Jon Voight but I saw him as his friend who was trying to help him.” Well, yes and no, Nana. Rico does con Joe in the beginning and uses his talents for his own ends, but Joe needs him for his skills just as much. It is a symbiotic relationship, and one that turns into genuine friendship.




I know it sounds funny, but the relationship between these two characters actually reminds me of the relationship between the two leads from The Producers (made the previous year, in fact). In that movie, Zero Mostel’s washed up Broadway producer character convinces Gene Wilder’s timid accountant character to launch a scheme: produce a sure flop of a musical to make a shitload of money (since then there would be no profits from the sales to give back to the backers. Just watch the movie to see what I mean, it’s hilarious). In the end, Gene Wilder gives a speech about how his relationship with Mostel’s conman has given him actual confidence and his first true friend. The end of Midnight Cowboy kind of reminded me of this – Joe ends up a better person because of his relationship with Rico (although at a horrible price). So I guess you can really say that Midnight Cowboy is the serious version of The Producers.


"I'm telling you, Springtime For Hitler just might work!"

Yes, I just went there.

Well, I’m going to stop now before I ramble to much more. Watching this movie clued me into what kind of person my Nana was. The fact that her favorite movie ever was about the close friendship between two people and the fact that she saw good in that friendship that others would dismiss as exploitative shows me that she was at heart an optimistic woman who saw good in most people.




I’m sorry I wasn’t that coherent. I guess I’ve been sort of knocked off my stride. This probably isn’t the best tribute I could give to my Nana, but oh well. It’s what I have on my mind at the moment and that’s what’s going down   Next time I will hopefully be in a better state of mind and do something a little more upbeat.


Pictured: Something Not Upbeat.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Airing Out More Dirty Laundry

That's right, I'm publishing more of my shitty college history class essays from the deep dark times of... eight years ago?  Anyways, today's my birthday and I'm too lazy to do a real article (too much cake to eat - mmmmm, cake), so enjoy these two craptacular essays from History 393.  Both were supposed to address how successful two movies that we picked were at depicting American foreign relations.  I picked Patton and M*A*S*H because, hey, both were from 1970, made by the same studio (20th Century Fox) and dealt with the same subject (war).  Why not?


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An Analysis of the Failure of M*A*S*H as a Foreign Relations Film


Robert Altman’s comedy film M*A*S*H (based on the novel by Richard Hooker) portrays three Army surgeons defying authority and goofing off in a Korean War army field hospital. The film received mostly positive reviews when it was released in early 1970. The movie was intended as a criticism of the then-current Vietnam War, however it has little to no value to students of American foreign relations.

Initial reviews for M*A*S*H were generally good and enthusiastic. One exception though was Roger Greenspun’s New York Times review which accused the film as “the first major American movie openly to ridicule belief in God—not phony belief; real belief.” However the reviewer does credit the movie with being humorous. The International Film Guide praises M*A*S*H for the performance of its actors but states that the movie portrays war as a “boy’s night out” and criticizes the shenanigans of the main characters. In great contrast Newsweek reviewer Joseph Morgenstern applauds, “As you sit watching M*A*S*H you can only be swept along and occasionally under by its glorious madness.” He praises M*A*S*H in almost every way, remarking on the acting, direction, realism of subject matter and more importantly the main message of the movie: the “lunacy of war.”

M*A*S*H was released at the same time that the United States was fighting its protracted and ravaging war in Vietnam. One of things that made M*A*S*H popular was that besides being a funny comedy, it also reflected popular opinion about the war in Vietnam at the time, and that most Americans were tired of war in general. The same issue of the New York Times that carries the movie review of M*A*S*H also has a story about the question of the use of biological and chemical “toxins” in warfare, the question being whether America should use these weapons before or after it is directly attacked (presumably by the Soviet Union). Interestingly enough, the other big topic besides Vietnam in the copy of Newsweek that reviews M*A*S*H is pollution, with the front cover devoted to it. By the early 1970s Americans were becoming aware of the damage that heavy industry and automobiles were doing to the environment. One advertisement in that same Newsweek is for a car with better gas mileage!

Later film historians have not dwelt on M*A*S*H. It is mentioned only in passing in texts dealing with history in film. Therefore an analysis of M*A*S*H reveals that it is not very important to the study of American foreign relations for the simple reason that it does not deal much with American foreign relations. The movie does not study the reasons for the Korean War or American diplomacy with the Koreans and/or Chinese. The only aspect of foreign relations the film does study is the effect war (foreign relations taken to one extreme) has on the men who serve in it. That effect, according to the movie is to cope in any way possible. For the surgeons at the 4077th MASH that means playing practical jokes, indulging in numerous acts of extramarital sex and getting into trouble with the Army establishment at every turn. Doctors “Hawkeye” Pierce, “Duke” Forrest and “Trapper” John McIntyre have no respect for the Army; they just want to get their jobs done and go home.

M*A*S*H takes place during the Korean War but more resembles Vietnam War era America. One noticeable clue that this is so is that the main characters’ hair is cut in early seventies style. The main point film is to be to be a denouncement of the Vietnam War, so the only time the film draws attention to the fact that it takes place in Korea is in the very beginning with a scroller caption. Otherwise the movie could be set in Vietnam, the focus of its anti-war message. That message is blatantly displayed without any subtle hinting in its gruesome operating room scenes. These scenes convey the results of war in all detail, with blood spurting from the wounds of dying people.

Another main point of M*A*S*H is to ridicule of the military, especially those in that establishment who take themselves and it too seriously. Chief Nurse Major “Hot-Lips” Houlihan annoys them with her stuffy adherence to army protocol and inability to understand their “strange” behavior, so they set out to humiliate and punish her. Those who take religion too seriously are criticized also. Major Frank Burns is pictured as a religious nut, praying in his bunk and trying to teach the local Korean houseboy to read the Bible. Hawkeye and the Duke poke fun at him and effectively call him a child. This scene may be the basis for the New York Times review of the film to call it “atheist.” However, the point being made is not that Hawkeye and Duke are atheist, it is just that they are not religious. Religious fanaticism is seen in M*A*S*H as being for the simple minded (even the Catholic chaplain at the 4077th is not as religiously fervent as Frank Burns).

The interaction between the main characters and native Koreans is kept to a minimum. Most of the action takes place inside the hospital. Only on rare occasions does the director take the audience to another location. Near the end of the movie Trapper John and Hawkeye travel to Tokyo to work on a congressman’s son. While there they spot a group of Japanese and maliciously mimic their way of speaking. This shows not only a bit of bigotry on their part but the attitudes of Americans in Asian countries (that they can make fun of the natives as they wish).

Ultimately M*A*S*H fails to be a valuable resource for those studying American foreign relations. Its main focus is denouncing warfare and ridiculing the military establishment. This makes it a good anti-Vietnam movie (or anti-war in general). However, M*A*S*H is best viewed in the end as a comedy film.



An Analysis of the Success of Patton as a Foreign Relations Film


General George S. Patton was one of the more colorful (and controversial) Generals of World War II. In his 1970 film Patton (subtitled “A Salute to a Rebel”) director Franklin J. Schaffner attempts to portray Patton and his complex personality. The film was a success for 20th Century Fox when it was released, in part because of the ambiguous nature of the message of the film. In addition to being a good biographical picture, Patton is also a good resource for students of American foreign relations.

Patton is a very confusing picture. It can either be viewed as an antiwar film (showing upper-level military officers as brutal and psychotic) or as a pro-war film (showing Patton’s successes in North Africa and France). Many reviewers of the time were of the opinion that the movie was of the latter type. Even while praising the performance of George C. Scott in the title role and the cinematography, New York Times critic Vincent Canby maintains that the makers of Patton are sympathetic to the main character. Similarly, Newsweek reviewer Joseph Morgenstern proclaims Patton as “the muddled glorification of a madman.” Many moviegoers and film analysts did not understand the films subtitle and asked what Patton was a rebel against. This is a valid question, as General Patton, being in command of many Army Divisions was a symbol of authority and the establishment itself.

Later film historians have treated Patton for the most part as the initial reviewers did in 1970. In his book Guts & Glory : the Making of the American Military Image in Film Lawrence H. Suid illustrates how the making of the film itself is instrumental to the view that it could be pro-war. He points out that the battle scenes are filmed on very wide and far shots of beautiful landscapes, thus failing to show combat on a more personal level. However, Suid also states that a movie viewer could possibly see this as an antiwar film. It’s all about the preconceptions they hold when they enter the theater: “Some went to see a major antiwar film, others to learn how war should really be fought.”

When Patton was released in early 1970 (surprisingly enough at the same time as the comedy film M*A*S*H, and by the same film studio) the United States was still involved in the war in Vietnam (the invasion of Cambodia was only months away). President Richard Nixon, who had been elected in 1968 on a platform of promising to end the war was trying to implement his policy of “Vietnamization.” This policy called for the lessening of US military activity in Vietnam and for the South Vietnamese forces to take greater and greater responsibility for the defense of their country. This would mean gradual US troop withdraws while Americans instructed tactics and gave supplies to ARVN units. The February 5th issue of the New York Times (the same issue containing the Patton movie review) has amongst its articles one which deals with the support (or lack thereof) of members of Congress for Nixon’s plan of Vietnamization. Other problems facing the nation at this time were pollution and America’s Youth. The front page of the Newsweek reviewing Patton poses the question of what should be done about the young people in the country’s High Schools. The front page article contained therein details the rising drug problem and juvenile delinquency associated with it. This problem faces America even today; it is interesting to note how little has changed since 1970.

Patton is not only a valuable insight into the workings of a (possibly insane) military mind and the military culture surrounding it but of foreign relations as well. The obvious subject of foreign relations in Patton is war itself, which is a very negative aspect of foreign relations that arises when all other more peaceful options have been exhausted. But the less obvious subject is the war Generals themselves. When one advances far enough in rank in the Army Officer Corps, their job becomes one not only of strategy and combat but of politics and (surprisingly enough) diplomacy. The Generals in this film are depicted true to life as bickering and self-centered; British Field Marshal Sir Bernard Montgomery and General Patton are shown to argue all the time about how certain operations are to be conducted and so on. Only the diplomatic skill of Allied Commander Dwight Eisenhower is able to keep them all in line and productive to the war effort. Interestingly enough, Patton is shown in Schaffner’s film to have diplomatic skill himself: after the infamous “slapping incident” in which he slaps a shell-shocked soldier for “cowardice,” Patton is ordered to apologize to that soldier and his entire unit. He does so with dignity and grace. The General is also shown engaging in relations with foreign dignitaries and rulers. He is portrayed speaking excellent French in an address praising French allies, accepting honors from the ruler of Morocco while watching a parade of Royal Guards in his honor, and orating at a gathering of British ladies in the English town where he is staying. However, Patton’s diplomatic shortcomings are revealed as well: his stated eagerness to attack the Russians after the fall of Germany and his public views about the Nazi Party (he remarks that it is like any other party, including the Republicans and Democrats).

It is interesting to note that in 1970 the same year saw the release of two films by the same studio but with seemingly different views on war. M*A*S*H is a blatantly anti-war comedy while Patton is an ambiguously pro-war film (even the makers of the film professed confusion over the subject). Even with all of its ambiguities about its subject matter, Patton stands as a good resource for a student of foreign relations. One important message of Patton, as stated near the end of the move is that Generals cannot simply be soldiers; they must be peacekeepers and politicians as well.


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I love how in my essay on Patton I talk about the "still current" problem of America's Youth.  Panic!  Panic!  Okay, okay, it was about DRUGS IN SCHOOL but still.  Also, I forgot to say in my M*A*S*H paper how misogynistic that movie is.  You notice how in that movie all of the nurses exist for sexual conquest and the only way that Hotlips is redeemed from her stuffy ways by the end is through the power of Duke's penis?   I mean, it's still a funny movie, but damn.  Sign of the times, eh?

(As we all know, there is absolutely *no* misogyny in movies nowadays)


Well, there you go... more examples of my spectacular writing from my college days (ahh, college.  I miss college).  

At least I can take solace in the fact that my writing has improved since then, right?




...right?

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Easter Ham

Today is Easter Sunday, and when I think Easter, I naturally think of Charlton Heston.  Besides his Religious Epics of the 1950s and his right-wing gun-nut political activism for the NRA in the 1990s Heston is probably best known for his Science Fiction films of the 1960s and 70s (and Khartoum - how could I forget Khartoum?).  So today, to commemorate a holiday about bunnies and candy (and something about some guy named Yeshua ben Yosef, I'm not sure though) I’m going to tackle a trio of dystopian films starring one of the greatest chewers of scenery ever and give you the



Charlton Heston Triple Sci-Fi Movie Extravaganza




Let’s go in chronological order, shall we?

And let’s dispense with the spoiler alert straight off because just about everyone knows the endings and surprise twists to these films.


"Yeah, kid, I thought he was great in El Cid too."
Planet of the Apes (1968) – A team of astronauts in hibernation crash on a distant planet hundreds of years after traveling through the galaxy near the speed of light.  The three surviving travelers explore the world they’ve arrived on and discover that on this planet intelligent apes rule while mute, savage humans are treated like despised animals.  After being separated from his companions and captured Taylor –  the leader of the group – now has to find a way to convince his simian captors that he is not only intelligent but also not worthy of extermination.

Where's Rod?
This movie is the best of the lot, and no wonder… it was co-written by Rod Serling, the genius writer behind The Twilight Zone.  In fact, this movie sometimes feels like an extended episode of that show and could be considered the first Twilight Zone movie (there was an actual TZ movie made in ’83 but I haven’t seen it).  The twist ending, of course, is pure Serling.  So is the dialogue.  So is the overall message and theme of the whole thing, which ties into the ending.

The United States Government at work.
And it’s the ending that makes this thing truly gripping and downright different, too.  The shocking revelation that Taylor was really on Earth the whole time completely flips the movie’s moral conflict upside down.   Dr. Zaius – the film’s main antagonist and source of anti-human vitriol – is *right*.  Man really is a savage, violent beast.  Look at the final result of what humanity did to wipe itself out at the end of the movie.  But at the same time the apes are not much better; in fact they are almost like (gasp) humans with all of the same prejudices, societal stratification and the corrupt suppression of truth in the name of order.  Yes, humans really are as bad as Dr. Zaius says they are – but is that a good  justification for the way they are treated?

The direction by Franklin Schaffner is superb.  The music score by Jerry Goldsmith is both awesome and revolutionary.  The special effects and ape makeup are great and mostly convincing.  And yes, the acting by Heston can go over the top, but it doesn’t happen that often and when it does it’s an asset to the movie.  Planet of the Apes is a science fiction classic, and is easily the best film of the three reviewed here.



Yeah, this is how I play too.  It's the only way I can win.
The Omega Man (1971) – Robert Neville is the last living man on Earth.  However, he is not alone.  A plague has wiped out most of humanity and turned the remaining few survivors into insane, nocturnal, zombie-like killers.  These infected mutants, calling themselves The Family continually try to kill Neville as he is the last reminder of the world that existed before the catastrophe.  But the “last man alive” is about to discover something that may give humanity –and himself – hope and the means to go on living in a hell of a world.

Hmm, Pasty skin, facial sores... so kinda like me as a teenager.
 From the best of the lot we go to the worst.  That doesn’t make this a horrible movie though, just a painfully mediocre one and definitely the least of Heston’s sci-fi efforts.  The moral conflict this time *tries* to be complex with Neville being given some flawed attributes and Matthias (the leader of The Family) being portrayed as not completely evil, but in the end we know who we’re supposed to root for.  The story has plotholes.  Characters do really stupid things for almost no reason at all.  

We all know the sistahs can't resist Chuck Heston.
The romance between Neville and Lisa is sudden and not developed that well – remember what I said about Charlton Heston and leading ladies (although to be fair Heston and Rosalind Cash have a lot more chemistry than Heston and Sophia Loren or… that chick what’shername… from Ben-Hur)?   I mean, I know that they’re two of the last people on Earth and that they have to start breeding, but I think I would give it a little more time between “get up against the wall and spread ‘em or I’ll blow your head off” and “I want to have your babies right now.”  And we’re never given a reason as to what the last woman on Earth finds attractive in Charlton Heston, except for the fact that he is Charlton Heston. 

I think this may be where his obsession with guns started.
The direction is tepid.  The music score is also pretty bland, which is a shame considering that it’s by Ron Grainer who gave us the themes for Doctor Who and The Prisoner, for crying out loud.  In addition The Omega Man is horribly dated – which is something I forgot to mention about the last film, by the way:  because of the setting and the fact that most of the actors in it are wearing ape masks, Planet of the Apes doesn’t date itself too badly (except for the “don’t trust anyone over 30” line).  The Omega Man is obviously a product of the early Seventies, which isn’t in itself a bad thing but the film throws it in your face all the time.  In all fairness though the movie is pretty cool for the first third when it’s just Heston trying to survive in a deserted downtown LA against undead plague zombies.  You can just tune out though once the love interest and the kiddies come in.



"Says here my library books are overdue.  Fine: $500,000."
Soylent Green (1973) – In a future where overpopulation overwhelms the globe and starvation is a very real threat the Soylent Corporation supplies half of the world’s food supply in the form of small, nutritious wafers called Soylent Red and Soylent Yellow.  Robert Thorn is a police detective in New York City in the year 2022.  Along with his partner Sol Roth he investigates the murder of a Soylent Corporation bigwig, which leads to government cover-ups, further assassination attempts and a shocking discovery about Soylent’s newest food product, Soylent Green.

Okay, so is this New York or LA?
Mmmm, Soylent Green....
This movie is infamous for its ending (“Soylent Green is PEOPLE!”) but its impact should be that it shows how horrible a world in which the few haves have so much and the many have-nots have so little really would be – that it would result in such a reprehensible method of feeding a massive population.  And that is the heart of all of the problems in the world, according to Soylent Green, and the film’s main message – the evils of overpopulation.  And we see this problem in the world today, although not quite to the level of this dystopian yarn (yet).  With populations of over one billion each it will be interesting to see how China and India deal with this issue.  China of course has instituted the One Child Policy, but they still have the question of how to feed all of their people (perhaps with… PEOPLE?).  India as far as I know has no method or plan for controlling their population.  Interestingly enough the United States does not have a hideous overpopulation problem right now and probably won’t (I hope) by 2022.  You never know, though… China and India could send us some of their surplus….

Why limit yourself to one woman?  This is the 70s, man.
Soylent Green falls square between the two preceding movies in the Heston Trifecta, being more serious, moving and intelligent than The Omega Man but less intelligent and more dated than Planet of the Apes.  In fact, it comes close to that film in terms of quality except for two things: the first is that it is more dated (apparently personal computers and cellphones no longer exist in 2022) and also that, once again we have a clunky romantic subplot forced into a movie that doesn’t need it.  The worst thing about it is that it’s even worse than the one for Omega Man… at least in that movie the love scenes served some purpose for the overall story.  Here they are completely superfluous.  And don't tell me it has something to do with feminism because that angle isn't developed at all.  Thorn has sex with glorified prostitute, Thorn leaves glorified prostitute.  What, did Heston have it in all of his contracts by the 70s that he have at least one nude scene in every movie with a woman at least half his age?

Where the film truly shines is in both its environmentalist and political social commentary (yes, try to wrap your head around that one – Charlton Heston in a socially progressive liberal movie) and in the interaction between Heston and Edward G. Robinson, who plays Roth.  It’s a pretty well-known fact that this was Robinson’s last film – he died soon after it was completed.  This makes all of their scenes together very poignant, and that’s even before learning that only Heston knew at the time about his colleague’s terminal cancer.  Therefore the tears shed in Roth’s death scene are real and just about moved me to tears.  Hearing two men profess their love for each other can be a beautiful thing.  Richard Fleischer’s direction is good but not awe inspiring, making Soylent Green a minor science fiction classic and an interesting product of a decade that gave us a lot of dystopian environmentalist warnings in celluloid form.



Well there’s your Charlton Heston Super Special.  I hope you liked it.

And you thought I would do The Ten Commandments or Ben-Hur just because today is Easter and I talked about Charlton Heston.


Sigh.  Okay.  I’ll give you a religious Charlton Heston movie image so we can go out on a pious note.



Charlton Heston died for your sins.




Thursday, March 17, 2011

Tonight's Dinner: Canned Tomatoes

Today, something a little different.  And that doesn’t just mean “no anime.”  I know that this is primarily a review blog about movies (and TV shows, and direct-to-video, and….) with a focus on actual content, but today will be different.  Today I will be posting an entry that is both a rant and a helpful guide to movies about deadly mutant produce, for today I take on the DVD release for one of my all-time favorite comedy films:


25th Anniversary DVD Review And Warning



I hate it when movie directors revisit their old films and “improve” them (see: Star Wars) with new SFX and soundtracks.  I hate it even more when they make these new versions the only ones commercially available on home video (again: Star Wars – and non-anamorphic laserdisc transfers don’t count, Lucasfilm).  As it turns out, George Lucas is not the only director to do this – even old low budget cult films are getting this treatment.  Hence, the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes 25th Anniversary DVD.


The movie itself is great – in fact, it has been one of my favorites since I was a kid.  I’m not going to go into it too much as I a)have little time and b)this post is for people who have already seen the movie already and are wondering whether to pick up the DVD or not.  And my answer to question B is: no, do not pick up the DVD, even though the picture quality is so much better.


The problem I have with this DVD is that it contains the aforementioned “new” version of Killer Tomatoes, and only the new version.  Sometimes when directors redo old movies they only change an effect here and a sound there; nothing that huge (although still annoying).  For Killer Tomatoes they have gone back and added so much stuff and taken out so much stuff that I spent my first time watching this DVD spotting all of the changes made from the original theatrical cut that I had watched on VHS over and over for so many years.  I am not going to list every single change (that would take hours) but I will try to hit the highlights (or lowlights, as the case may be):




-You can tell right away that something is up when ominous music is played over the opening scroll (it was silent originally).  Also, the opening credits now have splat sounds played as tomatoes hit the camera.


-There are numerous background overdubs added to the movie.  Sometimes it’s really insipid – for example, someone will be being eaten off-camera and a person will be dubbed also offscreen saying something like, “Oh my god!  He’s being eaten by a tomato!”  Because otherwise the audience would have no idea what was going on, right?  The worst example is the scene right after the big battle between the Army and the rampaging fruits in San Diego when Mason Dixon walks dejectedly through the neighborhoods surveying the damage.  The new version adds a monologue/news report about the fall of humanity and bad hygiene.  The original had nothing but sad music playing, parodying old war movies; it was hilarious because it played it so straight.   

Yeah. Mason, I don't know where that monologue is coming from either.


-Also, some lines have been redubbed or edited and no longer have the same punch.  The best example is the radio spot segment at Mindmaker.  (“When you’re feeling sad and blue, tomatoes end it all for you!”).  By placing that ditty (which has also been rerecorded and thus sounds less funny) in the middle of the promos being played instead of at the end, the punchline (“Pretty classy, huh?” “With a capital K.”) loses its effectiveness.


-In a similar vein, some of the films jokes are punctuated with insert shots that do nothing but interrupt the flow of the comedy and remind you that they were inserted much later.  The most egregious example I can think of is the part in the beginning when the Japanese scientist knocks a picture of the USS Arizona off the wall.  In the original it just gets knocked onto the floor and you hear a crashing sound.  In the redo you see an insert where it lands in a fishtank.  Trying to improve on jokes twenty-five years after the fact is pretty lame, guys.   



In addition a close-up insert is included near the end to inform the audience what it should already know about the relationship between the tomatoes and “Puberty Love.”   


No! With all of the foreshadowing I never would have guessed that it was "Puberty Love!"

Oh, and a close-up is also provided of the “Puberty Love” sheet music so that you know exactly what Mason is holding in his hands as he faces down the giant tomato at the climax.  This actually would have been more helpful on the old VHS where you couldn’t see what he was holding too well but it’s completely redundant in the DVD version seeing as how you can see (thanks to the clarity of the picture) exactly what he’s holding.


You can tell that it's sheet music, right?

Well, the filmmakers think you're an idiot, so here it is, anyway.



-The shot of the giant tomato chasing the lady with the shopping cart has been framed differently so that now you can’t see the wheels underneath that it’s riding on.  Come on guys, this is a low budget b-movie spoof… why bother going back to fix the FX?  The cheapness is part of its charm!



-Some lines and even whole jokes are removed.  The conversation between the President and Press Secretary about Air Force One (“Broken? The whole plane broken?” “Well, sir, you remember where the Washington Monument–”) and Air Force Two (“Hasn’t he returned that YET?”) has been deleted, for example.

-Whole scenes have been removed.  Some are small throwaway scenes and aren’t that big a deal.  Some are sorely missed.  The biggest is the dressing down of the reporter Lois by her newspaper boss (“You didn’t get the story… you ARE the story!”).   



The next biggest is the scene at the receptionists desk where it is remarked upon that plants respond to music (FORESHADOWING ALERT!).   

This is how I hit on secretaries all the time.
These exclusions puzzle me.


The only upside to the 25th Anniversary disc is that the video quality is (as already mentioned) great compared to the old VHS.  I haven’t seen the Collector’s Edition, but I think it’s just this disc plus a bonus disc of special features (this DVD release has only one special feature: the trailer).  So the only way we’ll ever get the original theatrical cut of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes on DVD is if someone like Criterion rereleases it.




And now, just because I can - and because I find this picture utterly friggin' hilarious - let's end this post with this:


Saturday, March 12, 2011

Late Work Can Be A Bitch

More catch-up, more mini-reviews, more anime.




Dreamy, but needs to learn to keep his hands to himself.
Vision of Escaflowne (TV Series, 1996) High School Student (it’s an occupation in Japan!) Hitomi is transported one day to the mystical land of Gaia, where she finds herself caught in a fight between Lord Van, the ruler of a small kingdom and the mighty Zaibach Empire, which is hunting her for her emerging psychic powers as well as planning to conquer the world and find the Secret of Atlantis.  Will Hitomi be able to elude the grasp of Zaibach?  Will she be able to help the inhabitants of Gaia find peace and prosperity?  Will she ever be able to go home again?  But most importantly, will she ever be able to choose between the cute but troubled Van and the dreamy (but also troubled) knight Allen Schezar?

Escaflowne is a very good fantasy show.  It moves quickly (no filler), has complex characters and it has good action and an intriguing story.  Watching this I was hooked, and watched multiple episodes in a row to see what happened next.  However, I can’t call it one of the absolute best anime shows ever, because there’s… something… missing.  I can’t quite put my finger on it.  Maybe for me it was missing the sense of life that the best of anime seems to have.  I don’t know.  I do know that it’s not that original.  “Japanese Schoolgirl Falls Into A Fantasy World Where She Is Special And Gets To Meet Cute Men” had been done before lots of times (it was a popular theme in the 90s); Escaflowne just merged that storyline with !GIANT ROBOTS!  And in fact, this show wasn’t even the first medieval-fantasy show with !GIANT ROBOTS!... that would be Aura Battler Dunbine, from 1983 – although admittedly Escaflowne is the superior show.

Sorry, Cham.




Escaflowne: The Movie (Film, 2000) A visually spectacular reimagining of the TV show; the story is completely different as are the characters (Princess Millerna is now a badass redhead, for example).  Only the basic setup remains the same.  And this is not a bad thing.  You could not tell the story of the original 26 episode TV show in one theatrical film.  Many fans do not like this movie.  I kind of liked it – it’s interesting to watch because it is so different from the original show.  Plus I liked the darker look and the different character designs (no pointy noses).  

If they start stripping I'm calling the Tank Police.
The only thing that keeps it from being a really good movie is that it’s too damn *short*.  This thing needed to be 2½ hours minimum to fit in all of the storyline and character development.  As it is it’s way too short and feels really rushed.  There’s some great art and animation though so I still recommend it to fans of the show or even anyone who is unfamiliar with the TV series – since the story is so different you don’t really need to know anything about Escaflowne going in.







Adolescence of Utena (Film, 1999) I’m not going to even try to describe the story of this one here, because I’m not sure that it’s even possible.  Suffice to say that it involves sword duels, weird architecture, odd imagery, strange private-school marriage rituals as well as more lesbianism and sexual symbolism than you can shake a stick at.

Or sword.

In fact the whole thing is basically a big metaphor for teen maturation as well as gay liberation.  And these are just two interpretations part of the fun of this movie is just trying to figure out what it's all about.  The other fun part about Utena is that it’s so creative and different from everything else.  And the artwork and animation for this movie are nothing short of *spectacular*.  Seriously, check it out:



And the weirdest part is that this artsy piece of shojo cinema is brought to you by Kunihiko Ikuhara, the same dude who directed the majority of Sailor Moon.  So the guy who gave you this


Also did this



Anyway, this movie is gorgeous, wildly creative and will actually make you think.  As in, “What the Hell did I just watch?!”  Highly recommended.




Steamboy (Film, 2004) Remember when I said in my New Dominion Tank Police review that if I ever saw another Evil-Murdering-Weapons-Manufacturing-Corporation-Who-Tests-Their-Weapons-By-Making-War-On-An-Industrialized-First-World-Nation in anime again I was going to scream?




AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Five Star Stories (Film, 1989) Again, I’m not going to describe the whole story to this one as it is based on a manga that is more than 10 volumes long (and still running!) and has over 5000 characters (and I just might not be exaggerating).  In a nutshell though it’s about Ladios Sopp, a !GIANT ROBOT! mechanic (or, as this anime calls him, a “Mortar Hedd Meister”) who lands on a planet in the Joker Galaxy to try to free a genetically-engineered-giant-robot-pilot-girl named Lachesis (or not – the whole movie seems to be him being indecisive on this point) from the foul clutches of a fat and greedy planetary governor.

Our hero, Ladios Sopp.  Yes, gentle reader, he is a man. 
I really liked this movie, even if it ran at an incredibly short run time of just over an hour.  I guess director Kazuo Yamazaki just wanted to conserve the budget though because the artwork in this thing is great – very stylish.  The animation is pretty good but nothing to write home about (it’s above average movie animation for the 1980s).  The main thing going for it though is that it has a unique mood.  This is one of the few sci-fi films that truly make you feel that you are in a strange, almost alien future culture (kind of like David Lynch’s adaptation of Dune, really, only not quite as disturbing and freakish).


I definitely recommend it for those that can look past its short running time (A LOT of story is compressed into this) and the fact that it’s from the Eighties.  For the love of God, though, if you get the DVD DON’T LOOK AT THE BOOKLET THAT COMES WITH IT BEFORE WATCHING THE MOVIE BECAUSE IT WILL SPOIL THE ENDING OF THE FILM FOR YOU.



Next Post: Something that is not anime, I promise



 
Um, Cham, what are you doing?  Okay, Cham, I know you're probably upset over what I said earlier but that's not the way to express your




Alright, Cham, I'm sorry about what I said earlier.  Let's just please talk about this like rational

Cham?  Cham?  No, Cham, don't