Halloween again… time for more horror movies! Or “horror” movies as the case may be for some of the films reviewed this year… and they are all from Netflix this time (no pictures for you) ‘cause, hey, why not?
First we have two old “classic” Universal monster movies:
Bride of Frankenstein (1935) – A sequel to a movie that didn’t need a sequel. Dr. Frankenstein is blackmailed by his crazy former prof and his sad-sack creation into making a lady monster. It doesn’t end well, as you can imagine. Okay, this isn’t a horror film. It isn’t scary, it’s just tragic in an existential kind of way. Watching this is like watching an old Wile. E. Coyote cartoon. The Monster can’t catch a fuckin’ break, man, he can’t catch a fuckin’ break. Seriously, your heart will go out to this guy and you’ll want to reach through the screen and punch people for picking on him. Yeah, I wonder why he keeps killing people when you treat him like crap? Frustrating but not frightening.
The Wolf Man (1941) – Larry the Peeping Tom comes home to the UK after years spent in America (i.e. convenient excuse for his accent - riiiiiight) and gets bitten by a werewolf and you can guess the rest. This film is not scary at all… actually it’s pretty lame and kinda boring. Lon Chaney Jr. can’t act, but Claude Rains can and gives the best performance in the damn picture, especially when he has to kill his own son (yeah, I spoiled it for you. Deal with it). That is the only genuinely moving moment in the entire movie by the way. You can safely skip this one.
Well, for two “classic” horror films those weren’t scary at all, were they? Okay, well now how about two films adapted from Stephen King, an author known for SHEER TERROR?
Carrie (1976) – Oh, godammit, another straight-up tragedy. The only thing scary in this movie (and I ain’t even gonna recount the plot because everyone in America should know it by now) is Carrie’s mom – people like this exist – and how the system fails Carrie. Yeah, she goes on her telekinetic rampage at the end and it’s kind of satisfying seeing her dish out punishment to her tormentors, but in her fury she kills her benefactors too, and that is incredibly tragic. So to sum up, this movie is a tragedy. No real frights here. No wait. There’s the famous jump scare at the end. That startled me right out of my seat, and I knew it was coming. Brilliant.
Pet Sematary (1989) – This one actually has some horror, but it’s also very tragic (I’m sensing a theme today). Let me just say that if the idea of hurting children or animals disgusts you at your core… then watch Pet Sematary! It’ll make you feel queasy and truly horrify you. The movie is about some dumbass yuppies with a cat and two small children who move into a house right next to a both a road with heavy truck traffic and an old evil Indian Burial Ground that will resurrect the dead buried in it but make them EVIL. You can see where this is going, right? Starring Tasha Yar, Hermann Munster and That One Bland Actor Where You Could Swear You’ve Seen Him Before But He Actually Hasn’t Been In Anything You’ve Ever Watched. Pet Sematary is an… okay movie. There are some minor frights, but overall not that scary.
Damn. Not a good Halloween movie marathon, is it? Huh. Well, maybe one more Netflix horror movie, one to try to finally scare me. One that isn’t a lame old Universal movie or based on the works of a certain author based out of Maine.
The Fly II (1989) – It’s the sequel to The Fly. So there has to be real horror. And there is! But it’s not that scary – it’s just gross. Yup, more goo and more gore. It’s about the son of the inventor from the previous flick (directed by David Cronenberg, who passed this one up) who grows rapidly from infancy to adulthood in about five years, all inside a corporate laboratory. By the time *he* starts transforming into a mutant fly-thing, you are rooting for him because he has had to put up with a lot of shit. And yeah… sigh, there’s more tragedy (not gonna spoil it for you this time though). But the payoff is great – everyone gets their just desserts. A lot of people have knocked this movie for not being as good as the original, but that’s like slamming Star Trek III for not being as good as Star Trek II – just enjoy the film on its own terms, people. It’s a pretty good flick, although some of the gore was gratuitous. Still recommended though.
Well, that’s it. A whole lot of tragedy this Halloween, from pictures ranging from great (Carrie) to decent (The Fly II) to middling (Pet Sematary, Bride of Frankenstein) to lame (The Wolf Man).
Happy Halloween (sob).
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
I Am Iron Man
Just watched Iron Man 3 last night. I missed it in the theatres when it came out because I’m no longer into seeing loud, violent movies that much anymore, but I got the chance to watch the DVD for free and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a decent enough picture. So what I would like to talk about today is film scores.
See, while Iron Man 3 was a pretty good popcorn flick with some actual intelligent themes thrown in, the music was pretty much a non-entity. I had never even heard of the guy who did the music when I glimpsed his name in the credits. And this got me to thinking that it has been a long time since I have run into a film score that was actually good, or even memorable (I think Howard Shore’s scores for the Lord of the Rings movies were the last decent batch that I’ve heard and that was what – 10 years ago?). Amongst the many faults of the new reboot Star Trek film series (and that is a whole other post that I don’t want to do because I try to be a positive person) is the music or lack thereof, and I remember feeling disappointed that the score for a film series that should contain great music was instead bland, generic and forgettable. Likewise, everyone oohed and awed over the Nolan trilogy of Batman movies and I found them entertaining enough, but the Hans Zimmer scores did nothing for me. I don’t necessarily need catchy hooks at every point in the score – that’s not what film soundtracks are necessarily for – but even the main theme was forgettable… I literally could not hum for you Zimmer’s main Batman theme (same goes for Giacchino’s Star Trek theme). If you can’t even give the main theme of your movie a memorable melody, then people, you got problems.
I think the main problem is that a lot of film composers are just that – film composers… they don’t attempt to do any music outside film music. They are also influenced by previous film composers *only*, and that is a huge problem. See, the whole thing is that the movie composers of 25+ years ago (the generation back from the current crop) is that they were directly influenced by the classical composers (and sometimes jazz and folk music of various cultures) like Wagner, Strauss, Stravinsky and so on (but mainly Wagner). I actually watched a documentary on TV a few months ago about film music and they had interviews with some of these new movie composers, and these guys were going on and on about how they were influenced so much by these other film composers (most of whom weren’t even dead yet) and they weren’t mentioning any other forms of music and I thought, “it figures… all these new scores sound like rehashed scores from twenty years ago, which in turn rehashed classical music from a hundred years ago.” So what we have today (for the most part) is composers getting music filtered through a filter of a filter.
That’s why the film scores of yesteryear are better (god, I sound like a total geezer). See, the composers actually listened to classical music and jazz and other stuff and it directly influenced how they wrote music. Yeah, their stuff is derivative but it still sounds good, dammit.
So to end this post on a positive note, I'm gonna share some of my favorite film scores and explain what they mean to me (I'm a selfish bastard).
Conan the Barbarian (1982) - My favorite film score of all time. Yes, it is derivative of Wagner (there's something new), Orff's Carmina Burana and Richard Strauss amongst others, but you know what? Basil Poledouris' music moves me. I feel anger, love, joy, tragedy, triumph and even a few emotions I can't name. I love it so much that I bought it twice. You wouldn't expect that from a score to an eighties barbarian fantasy epic, would you?
Ben-Hur (1959) - Poledouris was also influenced by Hungarian composer Miklós Rózsa, who scored this film (in fact Rózsa was his music teacher). And what a score! This is another one that moves me emotionally. I get tears in my eyes when I hear the overture. The overture! And the Rowing Of The Galley Slaves theme has become the mental soundtrack to my menial work over the years... every time I work retail I can almost hear "Battle Speed!"
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) - Now this is Star Trek music. Jerry Goldsmith is the greatest American film composer who ever lived. He knew how to score a scene and give the audience an emotional and musical punch in the stomach. TMP actually becomes a better movie because of its music. Yeah, large swaths of it are ripped off from Daphnis et Chloé, but that's an awesome piece of music so I'm not gonna complain too much.
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) - Old-timey goodness from Erich Wolfgang Korngold. Korngold was also an opera composer, and it shows in his film scores. Again, massive Wagnerian influence (detecting a theme here....). When you hear this music you will want to leap up and wave a sword around Errol Flynn style. Don't do it though because you will never be as cool as Errol Flynn. The quieter bits are great too. All-around near perfect.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - Already covered this one in my love letter to that movie. John Williams is an overrated composer who liberally rips from the classics (more than others, anyway) but this score is one of the greatest ever. And my favorite moment isn't even the rousing march or the exciting action music - it's the theme for the ark itself. Ancient, eerie, enigmatic and powerful... when I hear that theme I am transported back 3000 years into an ancient world of mystery. It sends shivers down my spine.
Alexander Nevsky (1938) - Another movie from '38. This one is by an actual classical composer: Sergei Prokofiev, who basically invented the action movie score with his music for this Stalin-era Soviet propaganda pic. The Battle On The Ice theme is awesome, and massively influenced movie scoring for years to come. It was actually used in the teaser trailer for Conan the Barbarian... oh yeah, I forgot to mention Prokofiev as an influence on that score earlier. Oops.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966) - Cue Ennio Morricone. Another classic film, another classic score. An interesting thing about Morricone's take on the music for this classic western is in his use of the leitmotiv. While most composers (including you-know-who) use a certain melody for different characters or ideas in a piece of dramatic music, Morricone uses the same melody but played in a different way for the three eponymous main characters, symbolizing how each alike they all are at the core and how all three are aspects of humanity in general. Ooh, deep.
Well, that's it. Seven scores I love. There are more, but I'll save gushing about them for another day.
Until then....
See, while Iron Man 3 was a pretty good popcorn flick with some actual intelligent themes thrown in, the music was pretty much a non-entity. I had never even heard of the guy who did the music when I glimpsed his name in the credits. And this got me to thinking that it has been a long time since I have run into a film score that was actually good, or even memorable (I think Howard Shore’s scores for the Lord of the Rings movies were the last decent batch that I’ve heard and that was what – 10 years ago?). Amongst the many faults of the new reboot Star Trek film series (and that is a whole other post that I don’t want to do because I try to be a positive person) is the music or lack thereof, and I remember feeling disappointed that the score for a film series that should contain great music was instead bland, generic and forgettable. Likewise, everyone oohed and awed over the Nolan trilogy of Batman movies and I found them entertaining enough, but the Hans Zimmer scores did nothing for me. I don’t necessarily need catchy hooks at every point in the score – that’s not what film soundtracks are necessarily for – but even the main theme was forgettable… I literally could not hum for you Zimmer’s main Batman theme (same goes for Giacchino’s Star Trek theme). If you can’t even give the main theme of your movie a memorable melody, then people, you got problems.
I think the main problem is that a lot of film composers are just that – film composers… they don’t attempt to do any music outside film music. They are also influenced by previous film composers *only*, and that is a huge problem. See, the whole thing is that the movie composers of 25+ years ago (the generation back from the current crop) is that they were directly influenced by the classical composers (and sometimes jazz and folk music of various cultures) like Wagner, Strauss, Stravinsky and so on (but mainly Wagner). I actually watched a documentary on TV a few months ago about film music and they had interviews with some of these new movie composers, and these guys were going on and on about how they were influenced so much by these other film composers (most of whom weren’t even dead yet) and they weren’t mentioning any other forms of music and I thought, “it figures… all these new scores sound like rehashed scores from twenty years ago, which in turn rehashed classical music from a hundred years ago.” So what we have today (for the most part) is composers getting music filtered through a filter of a filter.
That’s why the film scores of yesteryear are better (god, I sound like a total geezer). See, the composers actually listened to classical music and jazz and other stuff and it directly influenced how they wrote music. Yeah, their stuff is derivative but it still sounds good, dammit.
So to end this post on a positive note, I'm gonna share some of my favorite film scores and explain what they mean to me (I'm a selfish bastard).
Conan the Barbarian (1982) - My favorite film score of all time. Yes, it is derivative of Wagner (there's something new), Orff's Carmina Burana and Richard Strauss amongst others, but you know what? Basil Poledouris' music moves me. I feel anger, love, joy, tragedy, triumph and even a few emotions I can't name. I love it so much that I bought it twice. You wouldn't expect that from a score to an eighties barbarian fantasy epic, would you?
Ben-Hur (1959) - Poledouris was also influenced by Hungarian composer Miklós Rózsa, who scored this film (in fact Rózsa was his music teacher). And what a score! This is another one that moves me emotionally. I get tears in my eyes when I hear the overture. The overture! And the Rowing Of The Galley Slaves theme has become the mental soundtrack to my menial work over the years... every time I work retail I can almost hear "Battle Speed!"
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) - Now this is Star Trek music. Jerry Goldsmith is the greatest American film composer who ever lived. He knew how to score a scene and give the audience an emotional and musical punch in the stomach. TMP actually becomes a better movie because of its music. Yeah, large swaths of it are ripped off from Daphnis et Chloé, but that's an awesome piece of music so I'm not gonna complain too much.
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) - Old-timey goodness from Erich Wolfgang Korngold. Korngold was also an opera composer, and it shows in his film scores. Again, massive Wagnerian influence (detecting a theme here....). When you hear this music you will want to leap up and wave a sword around Errol Flynn style. Don't do it though because you will never be as cool as Errol Flynn. The quieter bits are great too. All-around near perfect.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) - Already covered this one in my love letter to that movie. John Williams is an overrated composer who liberally rips from the classics (more than others, anyway) but this score is one of the greatest ever. And my favorite moment isn't even the rousing march or the exciting action music - it's the theme for the ark itself. Ancient, eerie, enigmatic and powerful... when I hear that theme I am transported back 3000 years into an ancient world of mystery. It sends shivers down my spine.
Alexander Nevsky (1938) - Another movie from '38. This one is by an actual classical composer: Sergei Prokofiev, who basically invented the action movie score with his music for this Stalin-era Soviet propaganda pic. The Battle On The Ice theme is awesome, and massively influenced movie scoring for years to come. It was actually used in the teaser trailer for Conan the Barbarian... oh yeah, I forgot to mention Prokofiev as an influence on that score earlier. Oops.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966) - Cue Ennio Morricone. Another classic film, another classic score. An interesting thing about Morricone's take on the music for this classic western is in his use of the leitmotiv. While most composers (including you-know-who) use a certain melody for different characters or ideas in a piece of dramatic music, Morricone uses the same melody but played in a different way for the three eponymous main characters, symbolizing how each alike they all are at the core and how all three are aspects of humanity in general. Ooh, deep.
Well, that's it. Seven scores I love. There are more, but I'll save gushing about them for another day.
Until then....
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Lazitude
Okay, here's the deal. I originally planned an oh-so-droll movie review here, with some pithy witticisms accompanying some screen grabs, but a)I'm still feeling sluggishly lazy getting back up to speed doing this blog again and b) the nature of today's movie made it difficult to grab screenshots from. So I'm gonna to what I normally planned to do sans screenshots!
1939
Director: Michael Curtiz
In A Nutshell
I love you!
I hate you!
I hate myself!
I'm the queen, bitch!
Elizabeth SMASH!
I love you!
I hate you!
Vincent Priiiiiiiiiiice!
I love you!
I hate you!
Sucker!
Sucker!
I love you!
I hate you!
I love you!
THWACK!
The End
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Ugh.
Ugh. After watching all those cheesy B-movies on Netflix I should have known when to quit but I just had to go and watch some more - I have effectively OD'd on bad movies.
Ugh. I feel kinda sick. Not gonna review them here (they were so bad that they aren't even worth reviewing... lesson: there are worse movies on this planet then those made by Roger Corman. Much worse), I'm gonna detox by watching a good movie... I'll review it next week.
Ugh.
Ugh. I feel kinda sick. Not gonna review them here (they were so bad that they aren't even worth reviewing... lesson: there are worse movies on this planet then those made by Roger Corman. Much worse), I'm gonna detox by watching a good movie... I'll review it next week.
Ugh.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
Ahhh, trying to get my shit together - it's been a lot of work and I still have a long way to go but I am on my way... anyways, I have missed this blog and now that summer is over I can have fun writing for it again.
So what new stuff did I watch over the summer? Just some of the *cheesiest* stuff ever on Netflix! That's right, I idled away my movie watchin' time in the hot months watching some really bad B-Movies, most of them by Roger Corman.
Without further ado here they are:
Not Of This Earth (1988) - This is a cheap Roger Corman-produced remake of a cheap 1950s Roger Corman movie. The plot, about a vampiric alien sent to Earth to obtain human BLOOD, is inconsequential - I suspect that the real purpose for this film's existence is ex-porn starlet Tracy Lords, who stars as a nurse and of course gets topless in the course of what little there is of the story. Got to get all the young males hot and horny! Not Of This Earth is not really worth watching; it's dull, dull, dull and only exists as an excuse to see Tracy Lords in the buff (and personally she doesn't do much for me).
Galaxy Of Terror (1981) - This is less dull but is still baffling. A spaceship goes on a rescue mission to a mysterious planet and it's crew members start getting slaughtered by their worst fears in some of the goriest (and sickest) ways possible. Yes, this is the movie with the infamous "maggot rape" scene. There are some interesting ideas here and the production (Corman outdid himself here) is pretty cool considering that the budget was under $1 Million, but Galaxy Of Terror just can't decide what it wants to be - is it a cheap grade B horror flick or a serious sci-fi film? It tries to be both but doesn't really succeed. Maybe with a better director it could have been a good film, as it is it's just an oddity. But, hey, it does have Ray Walston, so that's cool! Worth seeing once.
Forbidden World (1982) - This was actually a pretty decent Corman movie. It's been accused of being an Alien rip-off, but aside from a few superficial items it's pretty much it's own thing, with a halfway clever story about a group of scientists on another planet creating a killer lifeform that (of course) tries to devour them all. And it has a truckload of gratuitous female nudity, so there's that. The dialogue is laughable, some of the situations are insane and sometimes it all makes no sense but Forbidden World is actually a pretty fun viewing - if you are in the mood for a movie with lots of gooey alien action and boobs, then I heartily recommend it.
Creature (1985) - Not a Roger Corman movie. This one is sort of an Alien ripoff, but it's mildly entertaining. Most of the actors aren't worth mentioning, except one - the great Klaus Kinski. That's right, the insane but brilliant actor and subject of this site's own month-long Kinskifest is in this cheapo sci-fi horror flick and he's about the only reason to see it. The FX are decent although the Creature itself is pretty lame looking. The movie drags but is entertaining enough although I probably don't need to see it ever again. If you are a fan of Kinski (like I am) you should probably see this once.
Well, that's it. Four cheap horror movies available online to anyone with a Netflix account. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to what, what's that oh my god it's ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
So what new stuff did I watch over the summer? Just some of the *cheesiest* stuff ever on Netflix! That's right, I idled away my movie watchin' time in the hot months watching some really bad B-Movies, most of them by Roger Corman.
Without further ado here they are:
Not Of This Earth (1988) - This is a cheap Roger Corman-produced remake of a cheap 1950s Roger Corman movie. The plot, about a vampiric alien sent to Earth to obtain human BLOOD, is inconsequential - I suspect that the real purpose for this film's existence is ex-porn starlet Tracy Lords, who stars as a nurse and of course gets topless in the course of what little there is of the story. Got to get all the young males hot and horny! Not Of This Earth is not really worth watching; it's dull, dull, dull and only exists as an excuse to see Tracy Lords in the buff (and personally she doesn't do much for me).
Galaxy Of Terror (1981) - This is less dull but is still baffling. A spaceship goes on a rescue mission to a mysterious planet and it's crew members start getting slaughtered by their worst fears in some of the goriest (and sickest) ways possible. Yes, this is the movie with the infamous "maggot rape" scene. There are some interesting ideas here and the production (Corman outdid himself here) is pretty cool considering that the budget was under $1 Million, but Galaxy Of Terror just can't decide what it wants to be - is it a cheap grade B horror flick or a serious sci-fi film? It tries to be both but doesn't really succeed. Maybe with a better director it could have been a good film, as it is it's just an oddity. But, hey, it does have Ray Walston, so that's cool! Worth seeing once.
Forbidden World (1982) - This was actually a pretty decent Corman movie. It's been accused of being an Alien rip-off, but aside from a few superficial items it's pretty much it's own thing, with a halfway clever story about a group of scientists on another planet creating a killer lifeform that (of course) tries to devour them all. And it has a truckload of gratuitous female nudity, so there's that. The dialogue is laughable, some of the situations are insane and sometimes it all makes no sense but Forbidden World is actually a pretty fun viewing - if you are in the mood for a movie with lots of gooey alien action and boobs, then I heartily recommend it.
Creature (1985) - Not a Roger Corman movie. This one is sort of an Alien ripoff, but it's mildly entertaining. Most of the actors aren't worth mentioning, except one - the great Klaus Kinski. That's right, the insane but brilliant actor and subject of this site's own month-long Kinskifest is in this cheapo sci-fi horror flick and he's about the only reason to see it. The FX are decent although the Creature itself is pretty lame looking. The movie drags but is entertaining enough although I probably don't need to see it ever again. If you are a fan of Kinski (like I am) you should probably see this once.
Well, that's it. Four cheap horror movies available online to anyone with a Netflix account. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to what, what's that oh my god it's ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Friday, June 14, 2013
Fool's Out For Summer
The Pharonic Fantasy Theatre will be taking on hold for the summer while I get my shit together, get my life on track and just take a break.
Enjoy your summer.
Enjoy your summer.
Friday, May 31, 2013
All Godzilla Things Must Come To An End
It's the end of May, and that means the end of Godzilla MAYhem. To tell you the truth I'm a little burned out after covering all of these Godzilla movies over the past few weeks... so today it's gonna be short and sweet, which is not that bad considering that the Seventies were probably the slightest time for the Godzilla franchise (although the Nineties might have been close but that's another story). Without further ado,
This is the Superhero Phase. No, seriously. Godzilla morphs during the next five movies from a dangerous creature who reluctantly fights foes of humanity to a full-blown defender of mankind and the go-to guy for stopping ecological menaces and alien invasions. Even the fighting has changed, being less bestial and more... kung fu.
Godzilla vs. Hedorah (1971)
This is probably the most dated Godzilla movie - actually, all of the movies of the seventies date themselves pretty badly... you can always tell exactly when these were made. Anyway, the foe in this film is a giant monster made out of toxic sludge (this is an environmentalist film, can you tell?) and is the most disgusting enemy Godzilla has ever fought.
This is a great movie, and everything a lover of cheesy monster movies could want. The villainous Hedorah is genuinely creepy, the plot makes sense in a weird sort of way and it is one of the few Godzilla films after the original to depict the real, deadly consequences of having these giant monsters on the loose (it's actually a rather violent film).
This film is charming in its seventiesness: it's really trippy, and almost artsy in a way - this is the only Godzilla movie that Yoshimitsu Banno (assistant director for The Hidden Fortress and Throne of Blood) ever directed, and it's a shame seeing as it has a lot of visual flair.
Plus it has the "Save the Environment" theme, which Japan desperately needed in the 1970s.
Al Gore would be proud.
Godzilla vs. Gigan (1972)
This is the worst Godzilla movie of the seventies and probably the worst ever made. I don't like it so I'm not going to write that much about it. The plot shows some promise early on but ends up being a standard alien invasion story with giant cockroaches controlling (what else) giant monsters in order to take over the world.
The biggest problem with Godzilla vs Gigan isn't that it's stupid, it's that it's dull. Even the monster fight scenes are boring, and they're very poorly thought out. One minute Godzilla is having his ass handed to him, the next minute he's making Gigan his bitch.
This movie was the first to have a two-on-two monster match (Anguirus and King Ghidorah also appear), which would be repeated the next year in a movie that was equally as stupid but not as boring which brings us to
Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)
This is a classic. No, I'm dead serious. Yes, it's bad, but it's a *fun* kind of bad. Godzilla vs Megalon is unfairly maligned by Godzilla fans... c'mon at this point in the franchise, what do you expect, King Lear?
This movie is an entertaining romp, with an Ultraman-style robot superhero, a giant beetle god, a white dude with a 70s 'stache and a tiara, a car chase, groovy seventies music and enough stock footage to shake a stick at (this film and its predecessor are the worst offenders in this area).
Here's a game: see if you can identify the movies that all of the stock footage in this film comes from. If you can you get a free cookie (actually no you don't).
Another point of trivia for Godzilla vs Megalon is that there are no women in it, making this the sole sausage-fest Godzilla movie.
There would definitely be women in the next Godzilla movie though (miniskirts abound!) with
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974)
The quality goes up but that's not saying much. Mechagodzilla makes for a more credible foe than either Gigan or Megalon (even though Gigan looks kinda cool and was the first monster opponent to make Godzilla bleed).
Speaking of blood, Jun Fukuda must have been watching Sanjuro, because Godzilla gushes geysers during his fight with his robotic doppelganger.
Also, this movie technically has a 2 on 1 monster fight but Godzilla's ally, King Caesar is pretty useless so I don't count it as one.
Still, there's a good time to be had. The music by Masaru Sato is jazzy and fun, the monster battles are fun enough and the acting is pretty decent for this type of movie even though none of the characters are that great.
Overall, I recommend it.
Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)
Not only is this a direct sequel to the previous film, it's superior to it as well. And it's no wonder, considering that the director for this final movie in the original series of Godzilla films is none other than Ishiro Honda. Don't get me wrong, Jun Fukuda isn't a bad director, but outside of his sixties efforts none of his films come close to the artistry of Honda's (although this also has something to do with Toho slashing the budgets of the films as time went on).
I really love this film, although I admit it has some major flaws. There are some huge plotholes - why did those aliens come out of nowhere to help Katsura when she had her initial accident and how did they know it would happen?
Why was Dr. Mafune discredited, nay, savagely beaten by his fellow scientists for suggesting that a dinosaur could still be alive when Godzilla, Rodan and the like had been tromping around on the Earth at that point?
Oh, well. Even if there are major plotholes and the story is pretty standard (this is pretty good Honda but not Honda at the top of his game) except for the pathos from the female lead, what this movie lacks in substance it more than makes up for in style.
Godzilla looks better than he has in a long time. Mechagodzilla looks as menacing as ever.
Titanosaurus (did I mention that this is another 2 vs. 1 fight, but slanted *against* Godzilla?) looks great. For the first time in a long time the monsters actually look like they have size and mass.
The fight scenes are awesome. Overall this is a great way to end a franchise...
...at least until 1984, when Godzilla would return as a bad guy again in the re-booted Return of Godzilla.
But that is a story for another time. Wow, I ended writing more than I said I was going to. I guess when we're talking about Godzilla, "short" and "sweet" don't apply, even in the nineteen hundred and seventies.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed Godzilla MAYhem... maybe this will inspire a few people to go watch some good old Godzilla movies. The Big G definitely needs more love nowadays... I remember loving his movies when I was a kid (still do) but I haven't met any children today that have watched these and know how to appreciate them. It's depressing in a way... there's almost no sense of wonder of real fun in entertainment aimed at young people. Well, maybe if all the dedicated kaijuphiles work together we can turn the kiddies onto Godzilla again... or maybe the American Godzilla movie slated for 2014 can help, but I doubt it.
Sayonara.
Godzilla MAYhem
Part IV: The Seventies
This is the Superhero Phase. No, seriously. Godzilla morphs during the next five movies from a dangerous creature who reluctantly fights foes of humanity to a full-blown defender of mankind and the go-to guy for stopping ecological menaces and alien invasions. Even the fighting has changed, being less bestial and more... kung fu.
Godzilla vs. Hedorah (1971)
This is probably the most dated Godzilla movie - actually, all of the movies of the seventies date themselves pretty badly... you can always tell exactly when these were made. Anyway, the foe in this film is a giant monster made out of toxic sludge (this is an environmentalist film, can you tell?) and is the most disgusting enemy Godzilla has ever fought.
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| It's a giant, sludgy... eyegina. |
This film is charming in its seventiesness: it's really trippy, and almost artsy in a way - this is the only Godzilla movie that Yoshimitsu Banno (assistant director for The Hidden Fortress and Throne of Blood) ever directed, and it's a shame seeing as it has a lot of visual flair.
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| Cue Ennio Morricone. |
Plus it has the "Save the Environment" theme, which Japan desperately needed in the 1970s.
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| ...along with a backwards-flying Godzilla, apparently. |
Al Gore would be proud.
Godzilla vs. Gigan (1972)
This is the worst Godzilla movie of the seventies and probably the worst ever made. I don't like it so I'm not going to write that much about it. The plot shows some promise early on but ends up being a standard alien invasion story with giant cockroaches controlling (what else) giant monsters in order to take over the world.
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| And it has hippies. |
The biggest problem with Godzilla vs Gigan isn't that it's stupid, it's that it's dull. Even the monster fight scenes are boring, and they're very poorly thought out. One minute Godzilla is having his ass handed to him, the next minute he's making Gigan his bitch.
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| Brawwwwk! |
This movie was the first to have a two-on-two monster match (Anguirus and King Ghidorah also appear), which would be repeated the next year in a movie that was equally as stupid but not as boring which brings us to
Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973)
This is a classic. No, I'm dead serious. Yes, it's bad, but it's a *fun* kind of bad. Godzilla vs Megalon is unfairly maligned by Godzilla fans... c'mon at this point in the franchise, what do you expect, King Lear?
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| Pictured: Great Thespianism. |
This movie is an entertaining romp, with an Ultraman-style robot superhero, a giant beetle god, a white dude with a 70s 'stache and a tiara, a car chase, groovy seventies music and enough stock footage to shake a stick at (this film and its predecessor are the worst offenders in this area).
Here's a game: see if you can identify the movies that all of the stock footage in this film comes from. If you can you get a free cookie (actually no you don't).
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| But you do get *this*. Okay, this is simultaneously the most hilarious and awesome thing I have ever seen in a Godzilla movie. |
Another point of trivia for Godzilla vs Megalon is that there are no women in it, making this the sole sausage-fest Godzilla movie.
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| Kinda suspicious if you ask me.... |
There would definitely be women in the next Godzilla movie though (miniskirts abound!) with
Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974)
The quality goes up but that's not saying much. Mechagodzilla makes for a more credible foe than either Gigan or Megalon (even though Gigan looks kinda cool and was the first monster opponent to make Godzilla bleed).
Speaking of blood, Jun Fukuda must have been watching Sanjuro, because Godzilla gushes geysers during his fight with his robotic doppelganger.
Also, this movie technically has a 2 on 1 monster fight but Godzilla's ally, King Caesar is pretty useless so I don't count it as one.
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| Pictured: shattered expectations. |
Still, there's a good time to be had. The music by Masaru Sato is jazzy and fun, the monster battles are fun enough and the acting is pretty decent for this type of movie even though none of the characters are that great.
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| "Hold it, or the two stereotypes get it!" |
Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)
Not only is this a direct sequel to the previous film, it's superior to it as well. And it's no wonder, considering that the director for this final movie in the original series of Godzilla films is none other than Ishiro Honda. Don't get me wrong, Jun Fukuda isn't a bad director, but outside of his sixties efforts none of his films come close to the artistry of Honda's (although this also has something to do with Toho slashing the budgets of the films as time went on).
I really love this film, although I admit it has some major flaws. There are some huge plotholes - why did those aliens come out of nowhere to help Katsura when she had her initial accident and how did they know it would happen?
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| More importantly, why does Katsuita - ur, I mean, Katsura wear that outfit? |
Why was Dr. Mafune discredited, nay, savagely beaten by his fellow scientists for suggesting that a dinosaur could still be alive when Godzilla, Rodan and the like had been tromping around on the Earth at that point?
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| Brings new meaning to the term "nerd rage", doesn't it? |
Oh, well. Even if there are major plotholes and the story is pretty standard (this is pretty good Honda but not Honda at the top of his game) except for the pathos from the female lead, what this movie lacks in substance it more than makes up for in style.
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| Pictured: style. |
Godzilla looks better than he has in a long time. Mechagodzilla looks as menacing as ever.
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| Fear the deadly RAINBOW BEAMS! |
Titanosaurus (did I mention that this is another 2 vs. 1 fight, but slanted *against* Godzilla?) looks great. For the first time in a long time the monsters actually look like they have size and mass.
The fight scenes are awesome. Overall this is a great way to end a franchise...
...at least until 1984, when Godzilla would return as a bad guy again in the re-booted Return of Godzilla.
But that is a story for another time. Wow, I ended writing more than I said I was going to. I guess when we're talking about Godzilla, "short" and "sweet" don't apply, even in the nineteen hundred and seventies.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed Godzilla MAYhem... maybe this will inspire a few people to go watch some good old Godzilla movies. The Big G definitely needs more love nowadays... I remember loving his movies when I was a kid (still do) but I haven't met any children today that have watched these and know how to appreciate them. It's depressing in a way... there's almost no sense of wonder of real fun in entertainment aimed at young people. Well, maybe if all the dedicated kaijuphiles work together we can turn the kiddies onto Godzilla again... or maybe the American Godzilla movie slated for 2014 can help, but I doubt it.
Sayonara.
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