The Best Japanese-Schoolgirls-In-A-Haunted-Hausu Movie *EVER*

Okay, this is gonna be (yet) another short review, if only because I watched this movie a few days ago and I still haven’t completely digested it yet.  House has been all over the movie and DVD sites lately, as it was just released by Criterion as well as the fact that it's touring the country as a roadshow movie.  I wanted to see this in the theatre but didn’t get the chance, for a variety of reasons.  So I ended up having to settle for watching… ugh… El Cid at home instead.  Yuck.  Anyway,  I picked up the Criterion DVD and gave it a whirl, and WOW.  Definitely better than El Cid… I’m sorry I missed this in the theatre.  Oh well, I have it to watch whenever I want and besides, it might make a better DVD movie anyway.  Well, anyways, here’s one more review of House to join all the hundreds of others hitting the net right now.  This might not be the best review of this movie or the most coherent considering – as I have said – I still haven’t completely come to grips with the film yet.

Theatrical Film, 1977

Director: Nobuhiko Obayashi

The Story

Gorgeous is in a tizzy because her father plans to remarry.  So she does what any other sane person would do: she invites her six friends Sweet, Fantasy, Mac, Kung Fu, Melody and Prof (no, really) to come with her to visit her aunt that she’s met only once at her house in the country.  No, really.  There the girls meet the mysterious Auntie and her cat, Blanche.  Oh, and start getting eaten by the house one by one.  No, really.

The Review

People often say that this movie was made by people on drugs.  I don’t think so.  Drugs are massively illegal in Japan and the drug laws are super-draconian there.  So I don’t think the people were on drugs because they would have been busted and sent to jail for fifty years.  Hell, the whole crew for this movie was probably questioned by the police after it came out.  So, no, the crew wasn’t on drugs.  The movie is on drugs.  A lot of drugs.  A lot.  Of.  Drugs.  But not the people.  Paradoxically enough.

In a way this movie reminded me of Forbidden Zone while I watched it.  That movie is also on drugs.  That movie is on crack.  House, on the other hand, is on speed. 

…and crack. 

And acid.  And ecstasy.  And glue. 

About the only drug I can think of that this is NOT on is weed.  Because weed is mellow.  Weed is laid-back.  This movie is not laid-back.  This movie is The Shining a la The Young Ones.  This movie is…

Okay, take all of the drugs I just mentioned, mix them up in a giant pot and snort them off of the nearest cat* – if you have one great if not a neighbor's – then have a staring contest with the cat.  The resulting high you will be on is what this movie is.  This is probably the most whacked-out, trippiest movie I have ever seen.

And I love it.

I can see why House is so popular with all of the cult and art-house moviegoers right now.  It is different.  It is unique.  And it is fun.  There is no other movie like it.  I know I tried vainly to describe it before as a combination of a certain Kubrick horror film and an early eighties UK punk comedy show, but that really doesn’t do this film justice.  So many film and camera techniques are used in House that it’s insane.  This was director Obayashi’s first feature film and it shows.  I think that he was experimenting with every film trick known to man just to see how they worked and how to do them.  I also think he (and everyone else) had a blast making it too – everyone in this movie looks like they’re having a lot of fun.  It’s truly dizzying to watch this movie as a result… just as soon as you’ve seen one thing another new one takes its place.  To which I say:  well done!  The world needs more movies like this.

I won’t attempt to analyze the characters, story, symbolism et al. because I don’t think any of that applies to this film.  As an example:  yes, the characters are one-dimensional but that’s the point… Obayashi is parodying the clichéd characters of horror movies and… ah, fuck it.  He did it just for fun.  Because to see a half-naked Japanese schoolgirl named Kung Fu karate chop vicious pieces of killer firewood is fun.  See, that’s how this movie works.

Anyway, in case I haven’t made it clear yet, see House.  Oh, excuse me.  See

HAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUSU.

Screenshots

Note:  None of these shots do this film justice.  House is a kinetic film, a film that is constantly moving.  To appreciate it in all its glory you have to actually see it.  All I can hope for is that these few captures of insanity will get you to see it.

Nope, absolutely no Japanese schoolgirl lesbianism going on in this scene.

Just keep moving, keep moving along... keep... um ...I'll be in my bunk.

Yep.  This is the kind of movie that this is.

Hint #1 that your reclusive old aunt may, in fact, be evil.

Sweet forgets one of the cardinal rules of horror movies:  

NEVER PICK UP THE FUCKING CAT!

What every horror movie needs: a kung fu fighting Japanese schoolgirl in panties.

....And a Japanese schoolgirl eating piano.

Surprisingly this is not the trippiest shot in the movie.

In case you haven't figured it out yet:  CATS ARE FUCKING EVIL!!

Okay, who invited Terry Gilliam?

*DISCLAIMER:  Don’t actually do this.  Taking that many drugs at once would result in a) you keeling over dead from the shock to your system and b) me being arrested for suggesting it.  So don’t do it.  In fact, don’t do any drugs.  Drugs are bad, m’kay?

Also, the cat would probably claw the shit out of you.