Lying Movie Titles, Exhibit A

I said I'd do it so here it is.

1965

Director: Mario Bava

This film is the ultimate in style over substance.  There is very little story - a spaceship crew lands on a creepy alien planet and discovers that the crew of their sister ship has become alien-possessed zombies (why the hell it's called Planet of the *Vampires* is beyond me, there's nary a bloodsucker in sight... the original Italian title Terror In Space makes a whole lot more sense) - there is almost no characterization, it drags a bit and the dialogue is nothing to write home about.  But the sets!  And those costumes!  And the cool alien skeletons!  Sure, the actual special effects are hideously dated and sometimes laughable, but Planet of the Vampires is a visually striking film... Mario Bava was known for his use of color and his mastery of lighting and it shows in this movie. The creepy atmosphere and colorful sights will stay with you for a while...  it definitely did with the right people - you can see it's influence in Alien (writer Dan O'Bannon openly admitted to the influence of Bava's movie but director Ridley Scott has never owned up to it even though it's freaking obvious) and a lot of other later sci-fi movies.

I know that I haven't written much about this film, but as I have said it is because there isn't much to write about story or performance-wise.  This ain't some deep rumination on the human condition to be analyzed but a (sometimes) fun little space zombie movie to simply look at and appreciate for what it is.  In the end, I can safely recommend Planet of the Vampires - it's not a cinematic science fiction masterpiece but it's still better than Interstellar.

Burn!

It's the 60s so the spacesuits look like this.

It's the 60s so they're still putting effort into making alien
planet sets look *alien*.

It's the 60s and it's not Star Trek, so the spaceships are just
models sitting in front a backdrop...

...the spaceship control rooms are an ergonomic nightmare...

...and ray guns are butane torches.

"No, I am totally NOT a killer space zombie."

Hmm... I wonder...

...where Ridley Scott...

...got his ideas from.

"Let's watch this new movie, supposed to be good,
it's called Interstellar...."

"It's not my fault! She passed out after watching only 30 minutes!"
Okay, okay, this is the last time I'll hate on Interstellar.

Next Time: More Mario Madness




P.S. Interstellar sucks.

...Damn it!

Wow, I Am Actually Reviewing A New(ish) Movie

Today I watched Christopher Nolan's Interstellar for the first time: I saw the trailer last year and said "meh." It didn't look all that interesting and I figured it wasn't worth seeing in the theaters so I didn't, even after all the hype and rave reviews.  Well, my mom lent me the DVD and said, "you should see this" so I did and said...

..."meh."  Actually it was more "blah."  I didn't like it.  I didn't hate it either, I didn't have the same visceral reaction that I had to some of my most loathed movies like Armageddon, Die Another Day, Tommy or Gone With The Wind.  Just "blah." And maybe that's worse, because at least those turd burgers DID elicit a strong reaction to me, even if not a positive one.  Mostly I was just disappointed with Interstellar, even after I rejected all of the hype and didn't go in expecting the best thing ever.  I was at least expecting to be somewhat entertained or intellectually stimulated and the movie failed on both accounts.

I'm not going to take much time writing about this movie as it really doesn't deserve that much space. Matthew McConaughey annoyed me.  The rest of the actors disappointed me - even Michael Caine seemed to be phoning it in.  There are way to many Hollywood Theatrics for a supposedly hard sci-fi movie.  The abysmal score by Hans Zimmer is too loud and refuses to shut up.  The film is somehow overly pretentious and cutesy - one of the characters is even named "Murphy" after Murphy's Law (really).  Characters do things irrationally and out of the blue not to illustrate human fallibility or be realistic but to provide cheap Hollywood "Drama".  With all of the shouting and tears and glurgy music you can tell that this movie is trying to manipulate you emotionally, it's not subtle like, say, Conan The Barbarian (yeah, I just went there).

I do not have a degree in science but even I could smell BS on some of the "science" in this film - I doubt that entry into a black hole would result in what happens in this movie.  Even without the scientific factor, there are just way too many plot holes and stupid moments and stupid things that bring up way too many questions... why is a man who last piloted a plane 10 years ago *perfect* to fly a new spacecraft into another galaxy?  Why did the aliens (or whoever) who supposedly want to help humanity put a wormhole out by Saturn when it would have been waaaaaaay more helpful and expedient to put it closer to Earth - say, closer to Mars or the Moon?  For that matter what's up with the propulsion technology of the future?  They use a three-stage rocket to launch the spaceship from Earth and it takes this craft 2 years to reach said wormhole at Saturn (which is about how long it would take using today's technology) but their landers have Star Trek shuttlecraft anti-grav and propulsion technology and can land *and* take off on their own.  If they have sufficient AI to make sentient, wisecracking robots, why couldn't they just send advanced robot explorers out to this other galaxy instead of people who are fated to die (they try and explain away this one but it's bullshit)?  For that matter if the Earth is dying why don't the humans just immigrate to orbiting space colonies (oppa) Gundam-style?  You don't strictly need a planet to live, and they even show an O'Neill type cylinder at the end! Arrrrrgh!

Alright, as usual I spent way to much time ranting about this.  This is a movie I never want to see again.  I'm only providing one screenshot for this.  I had to watch another sci-fi movie, any other SF movie, to get the bad taste of this out of my brain.  I ended up watching Planet of the Vampires, which is actually a much better movie than Interstellar - and this is a 60s film that has Italian space zombies in leather gimp suits.  Hey, there's an idea - why don't I review Planet of the Vampires?

Next Time: Planet of the Vampires

Unmutual!

I couldn't stay away, but I won't be here long.  Too much personal stuff in my life, my slipping emotional sanity and the mind-numbing quest for an actual life mean that not only have I not written for this blog in a long time but that I won't be writing for it again ever come the near future; I am near done and we are approaching the end of line.  I truly mean it this time.  Cross my heart.

I didn't start up this blog again for the death of Leonard Nimoy, I didn't do it to commemorate Christopher Lee.  No, I am doing it today because today is American Patriotastic As Fuck Day, and as a Patriotastic American I feel like saying on this day celebrating the birth of "The Greatest Nation In The World":  It's a Sham.  Freedom is a myth.  You see, I have finished re-watching what is probably the Greatest Television Show Ever Made, and I had to come onto the internet, on this day, after a prolonged silence, to talk about it.  And it's British.  Ha.

1967-1968

Director: Basically Patrick McGoohan

This is a classic show.  If you haven't seen it, go watch it now.  Don't expect me to do a review in the classical sense and use it to decide whether you want to watch it, I'll just tell you right now.  Watch it now.  Now.

Now.

(17 hours later)

Okay, back?  Good.  Awesome, wasn't it?  And really fucking confusing too, I'll bet.  There's a lot of stuff in this show that makes you think, and makes you think about stuff that's not that pleasant.  Individuality vs the Community is only one facet.  I believe the overall conflict of the show is Freedom vs Control, or alternatively, Order vs Chaos... which ties into the Individual vs Society.  Of course Society stands for Order and Control... without control there would be no order, there would be chaos... and human beings cannot stand pure anarchy.  This is all Sociology 101, but the way The Prisoner star and creative force Patrick McGoohan handles it all is brilliant and nuanced.  From the tone and plot of the show you would expect The Prisoner (I refuse to refer to him as Number 6, after all HE IS NOT A NUMBER) to be the unabashed hero and the controllers of The Village to be absolute, unadulterated evil, but this is not always the case.  The Prisoner can sometimes be just as rigid and uncompromising in the name of the individual as the Village can be in enforcing Control -only near the end of the show does he stop flailing about in self-righteous rage and start to beat the Villagers at their own game. And while the antagonists do some pretty evil stuff in the course of the show it is made plain on a number of occasions that many of them are just as much prisoners as the main character.  You can actually sympathize with some of the Numbers Two (most notably Leo McKern's).

And in the end of course (literally) The Prisoner shows that you will never be free; if society is not trying to control and limit you then you yourself are.  The struggle is never over; we are doomed to conflict with ourselves and each other until the end of time... .. wait a minute, is this show British or German?

And that's why I say what McGoohan once said: freedom, or at least absolute freedom as imagined by most Americans, is a myth.  It has to be.  Or society would just fall apart.  In America you are only as free as you can afford to be.  Or as free as the powers-that-be will let you be.  Or as free as your family, friends, neighborhood or community lets you be.  The United States is no different.  Oh, don't get me wrong, I love living in the US.  As a (barely) middle-class American I enjoy a roof over my head and food whenever I need it (good, affordable medical care on the other hand....).  I am "free" to express my opinions about my government and not be jailed in a gulag somewhere but make no mistake... true political dissenters and undesirables are monitored covertly and often, and those deemed dangerous to the state (whether they are dangerous or not) are dealt with.  Scratch the surface of America's "free" exterior actually, and you'll find a surveillance and enforcement system that resembles a certain Village control room....

The United States (and other western countries) have done some very nefarious things to protect the community and its "freedom", many of them done during the decade The Prisoner was originally made.  Things that were just as nefarious as the "evil" Communist Soviet Union or third world brutal dictatorships (some of which we helped set up and/or maintain).  The East and West were not that different during the Cold War (something the show touches on).

So given the show's message and the state of the world it's all pretty depressing, right?  There is no hope.  Well, no.  The trick, and this is the beauty of McGoohan's message, is to despite all this never let them make you think of yourself as a number (which is difficult today, isn't it, with your Social Security Number, Driver's Licence Number, etc.).  Also, you have to *fight* for the rights you most want and cherish.  Don't let them take everything.  You should learn to compromise, but never just roll over and play dead.

All this coming from a Brit, no less.  Wait, actually, Patrick McGoohan was born and died in... America.


Go America!  Woo!

Happy Fourth.