Tonight's Dinner: Canned Tomatoes

Today, something a little different.  And that doesn’t just mean “no anime.”  I know that this is primarily a review blog about movies (and TV shows, and direct-to-video, and….) with a focus on actual content, but today will be different.  Today I will be posting an entry that is both a rant and a helpful guide to movies about deadly mutant produce, for today I take on the DVD release for one of my all-time favorite comedy films:

25th Anniversary DVD Review And Warning

I hate it when movie directors revisit their old films and “improve” them (see: Star Wars) with new SFX and soundtracks.  I hate it even more when they make these new versions the only ones commercially available on home video (again: Star Wars – and non-anamorphic laserdisc transfers don’t count, Lucasfilm).  As it turns out, George Lucas is not the only director to do this – even old low budget cult films are getting this treatment.  Hence, the Attack of the Killer Tomatoes 25^th Anniversary DVD.

The movie itself is great – in fact, it has been one of my favorites since I was a kid.  I’m not going to go into it too much as I a)have little time and b)this post is for people who have already seen the movie already and are wondering whether to pick up the DVD or not.  And my answer to question B is: no, do not pick up the DVD, even though the picture quality is so much better.

The problem I have with this DVD is that it contains the aforementioned “new” version of Killer Tomatoes, and only the new version.  Sometimes when directors redo old movies they only change an effect here and a sound there; nothing that huge (although still annoying).  For Killer Tomatoes they have gone back and added so much stuff and taken out so much stuff that I spent my first time watching this DVD spotting all of the changes made from the original theatrical cut that I had watched on VHS over and over for so many years.  I am not going to list every single change (that would take hours) but I will try to hit the highlights (or lowlights, as the case may be):

-You can tell right away that something is up when ominous music is played over the opening scroll (it was silent originally).  Also, the opening credits now have splat sounds played as tomatoes hit the camera.

-There are numerous background overdubs added to the movie.  Sometimes it’s really insipid – for example, someone will be being eaten off-camera and a person will be dubbed also offscreen saying something like, “Oh my god!  He’s being eaten by a tomato!”  Because otherwise the audience would have no idea what was going on, right?  The worst example is the scene right after the big battle between the Army and the rampaging fruits in San Diego when Mason Dixon walks dejectedly through the neighborhoods surveying the damage.  The new version adds a monologue/news report about the fall of humanity and bad hygiene.  The original had nothing but sad music playing, parodying old war movies; it was hilarious because it played it so straight.   

Yeah. Mason, I don't know where that monologue is coming from either.

-Also, some lines have been redubbed or edited and no longer have the same punch.  The best example is the radio spot segment at Mindmaker.  (“When you’re feeling sad and blue, tomatoes end it all for you!”).  By placing that ditty (which has also been rerecorded and thus sounds less funny) in the middle of the promos being played instead of at the end, the punchline (“Pretty classy, huh?” “With a capital K.”) loses its effectiveness.

-In a similar vein, some of the films jokes are punctuated with insert shots that do nothing but interrupt the flow of the comedy and remind you that they were inserted much later.  The most egregious example I can think of is the part in the beginning when the Japanese scientist knocks a picture of the USS Arizona off the wall.  In the original it just gets knocked onto the floor and you hear a crashing sound.  In the redo you see an insert where it lands in a fishtank.  Trying to improve on jokes twenty-five years after the fact is pretty lame, guys.   

In addition a close-up insert is included near the end to inform the audience what it should already know about the relationship between the tomatoes and “Puberty Love.”   

No! With all of the foreshadowing I never would have guessed that it was "Puberty Love!"

Oh, and a close-up is also provided of the “Puberty Love” sheet music so that you know exactly what Mason is holding in his hands as he faces down the giant tomato at the climax.  This actually would have been more helpful on the old VHS where you couldn’t see what he was holding too well but it’s completely redundant in the DVD version seeing as how you can see (thanks to the clarity of the picture) exactly what he’s holding.

You can tell that it's sheet music, right?

Well, the filmmakers think you're an idiot, so here it is, anyway.

-The shot of the giant tomato chasing the lady with the shopping cart has been framed differently so that now you can’t see the wheels underneath that it’s riding on.  Come on guys, this is a low budget b-movie spoof… why bother going back to fix the FX?  The cheapness is part of its charm!

-Some lines and even whole jokes are removed.  The conversation between the President and Press Secretary about Air Force One (“Broken? The whole plane broken?” “Well, sir, you remember where the Washington Monument–”) and Air Force Two (“Hasn’t he returned that YET?”) has been deleted, for example.

-Whole scenes have been removed.  Some are small throwaway scenes and aren’t that big a deal.  Some are sorely missed.  The biggest is the dressing down of the reporter Lois by her newspaper boss (“You didn’t get the story… you ARE the story!”).   

The next biggest is the scene at the receptionists desk where it is remarked upon that plants respond to music (FORESHADOWING ALERT!).   

This is how I hit on secretaries all the time.

These exclusions puzzle me.

The only upside to the 25^th Anniversary disc is that the video quality is (as already mentioned) great compared to the old VHS.  I haven’t seen the Collector’s Edition, but I think it’s just this disc plus a bonus disc of special features (this DVD release has only one special feature: the trailer).  So the only way we’ll ever get the original theatrical cut of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes on DVD is if someone like Criterion rereleases it.




And now, just because I can - and because I find this picture utterly friggin' hilarious - let's end this post with this: