Today I deal with a vintage anime OVA that is revered by anime fans as a classic. This baffles the hell out of me. I think it's a dated, derivative, mediocre show that is a serious contender for the title of "Most Overrated Anime Of All Time," but what do I know? Well, anyways, without further ado, today's review: Bubblegum Crisis.
Bubblegum Crisis
OVA, 1987-1991
Directors: Katsuhito Akiyama,
Hiroki Hayashi, Masami Obari,
Fumihiko Nakayama, Hiroaki Gōda
The Story
In the FUTURE city of Mega Tokyo, androids called Boomers are used to do menial tasks that humans don’t want to do (sound familiar?). Sometimes these Boomers go haywire though. In response to this a special section of the police (the Blade Runn- I mean AD Police) is formed to stop the Boomers when they go on one of their inevitable regular rampages (makes you wonder why they keep producing them in the first place). But this show is not about them. No, this show is about Sylia, Linna, Nene and Priss (but mostly Priss) - the Knight Sabers, a group of mercenary vigilantes in armored battlesuits. These four women work to protect Mega Tokyo from the Boomer threat and the evil corporation behind it - Genom.
Apparently Bubblegum Crisis is a classic: one of those vintage anime titles that every fan must see. Well, I finally got around to seeing it and I don’t see what the big deal is. In fact, I was rather disappointed. Now, I don’t completely hate this series (although I came close a few times) but I don’t think it deserves all the accolades that it receives.
Which is a shame, because I started this OVA with high hopes. Well, in order to chart my disappointment with Bubblegum Crisis let’s do something different from a straight review and reproduce my thoughts as I watched the show.
(Possible spoilers follow although this show is so predictable that they probably don’t count)
Episode One
Wow, I feel like I’m watching Blade Runner. They’re not even trying to disguise it. Even the music is the same. And look, a band called “Priss and the Replicants.” Now they're just waving it in my face.
You have three guesses as to which decade this was made in and the first two don’t count.
How does that Boomer fit into its skin?
Wow, Priss is a bitch. And you can tell that the woman doing her isn't a professional voice actress. She's really... monotonous.
Brian J. Mason, he is a CHAR!
High-heeled battlesuits? Wow, is that absurd - and this is coming from a "Dirty Pair" fan.
Well, that was average (and heavily derivative of Blade Runner). Art, animation, characterization, etc. etc - all was middling. Not bad, but not good either. Let’s see if the show will improve.
Episode Two
Hmm… here are three female Boomers who work for the bad guys and humiliate Priss. I wonder who the Boss Fight in this episode will be?
Wow, Priss is the most inept investigator ever.
Catfight!
Well, that episode was… average like the last one. So far this is just an average derivative anime. But let’s see if it gets better.
Episode Three
Priss is stupid, as in Too Dumb To Live. Yes, Priss, charging in to assault that Genom executive protected by that large, powerful Boomer is going to work SO fucking well. That’s why it worked last episode.
Wow, someone close to Priss dies, enabling her to go on a roaring rampage of revenge. Never saw that one coming!
Blah blah blah, Boss Fight, blah blah blah, average animation, blah blah blah, why do I suddenly have the urge to watch Gunbuster? Hey look, the villain is dead. I don't care because I’m bored. Glad the episode is over.
This episode is fucking stupid. The same basic plot as the last one. The next episode better be better or I’m gonna be really pissed.
Hey, it’s a futuristic urban cyber-punk anime, it’s about time we head futuristic urban biker gangs!
Killer Car!
Haha, Priss got a speeding ticket. Classic. Leon, I don't know why you keep going after Priss, I think she's a lesbian.
Note to the State Police: next time you have to set up a road block, do it with a frickin’ tank.
You know, Leon is actually a sort of kick-ass character, why couldn’t this show be about him?
Episode Five
Breakout!
 |
| Stop it! Stop Copying Blade Runner! |
Wow, a homosexual male character who is effeminate but not over-the-top camp gay. Who knew this show would get something right?
Why is that cat growling like a dog? Do the animators even know what a cat sounds like? FAIL.
I knew it! I knew Priss was a lesbian!
So this episode revolves around… Lesbian Vampire Sex-Bots ?
Oh, Leon, suiting up for battle in your powersuit. Why do you even bother? You know that you’re going to get spanked and that the Knight Sabers are going to have to save you. Because only the Knight Sabers are allowed to be the heroes in this show.
This episode was pretty stupid. I hope this gets better.
Episode Six
Bored.
Bored.
You know, I think Leon is a more interesting character?
Bored.
Bored.
Oh my god, I’m only halfway through, when will this thing fucking end?
Stop hitting on Priss, Leon. She’s a lesbian, Leon. You’re barking up the wrong tree, Leon.
Wow, is this overwrought and overly contrived. And yet I’m bored with the whole thing.
God this is stupid. I fucking hate this. I hate the story, I hate the unoriginality and I hate Priss. She’s a sullen, unpleasant bitch and she gets WAY too much time devoted to her. Do you know what I would like to see? Priss getting killed. At least then the makers of this shit would be doing something unexpected.
Episode Seven
Hahahahahahahahaha!
What… is… she… wearing?
Wow, the animation is actually… pretty good. Certainly a step up over the previous episodes.
Wow, Priss isn’t being a complete bitch in this episode. In fact, Priss isn’t the main focus of this episode for once. I think I might like this.
Yay, bodyguard duty! The real-life equivalent of the dreaded video game “escort mission!”
Aaaaand their client is kidnapped. Is it just me, or are the Knight Sabers totally incompetent? I mean, they get hired to do all these jobs and they keep failing. Why do people keep paying them money?
Lesson to the kiddies: you can get away with murder, kidnapping and terrorism as long as your actions lead to the unintentional arrest of an illegal arms maker for soliciting hookers. Yay!
Wow, that was actually a decent bit of entertainment… I’m shocked.
Episode Eight
Oh, it’s going to be one of those “babysit the boss’ annoying relative” episodes. How original.
Nene is cute.
Wow, Priss is not being a complete bitch for the second episode in a row. In fact she’s almost… likable.
Never mind. Priss, Linna, stop making fun of Nene’s waistline! Seriously, people like you are the reason that girls like her become anorexic.
Priss, stop sexually harassing Nene!
I wish I could get to level 8 on Tetris. Good job, Nene!
I think the AD Police should invest in some better base defense.
Hey, new gear and weapons for our heroes, yay! Too bad this is the last episode of the show!
Final thoughts on Bubblegum Crisis: I don’t get it. Why do people like this? Why is this considered “revolutionary?” Is it the story? It’s basically Blade Runner with chicks in “Iron Man” suits. Is it the animation? The art and animation are painfully average for the time. There are other OVAs and even TV shows from the same period that are better animated. Is it the action? Again, the action is just average and not all that exciting. Is it the characters? Most of them aren’t that well developed and the one that is (Priss) is almost completely unlikeable. I don’t get it. Bubblegum Crisis is overrated. It has its moments but overall it is just the mediocre product of an age when Japan was pumping out lots of mediocre animation.
The DVD
…But hey, if you actually like it, then you’ll love Animeigo’s remastered BGC DVD boxset! It boasts remastered video! It has text interviews! And it’s packed full of music videos for the mediocre 80s J-Rock that infests the show! And you get to see the Bubblegum voice actresses take a holiday in Bali! For 50 MINUTES! Seriously, though this was the funniest part of the whole damn boxset, actual show included. That plus the music video of the four Knight Saber seiyuu singing live on stage. I just about had an aneurysm laughing.
In the end, my advice is to skip Bubblegum Crisis. You don’t need to see this, no matter what the otaku tell you. There is one good episode, but it’s the last one and it’s not worth slogging through the rest of the show to see.
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